Wednesday, February 24, 2010

MENTAL HANDCUFFS

I guess the hardest part for me to deal with is the acceptance of my own limitations. After being Wonder Woman most of my adult life, how can I go from that to being the Seahag on Popeye? I've always had a somewhat "negative" thought process (I call it being a realist), but I could always function. I never felt depressed until about two years ago and then POW!

I really didn't know what hit me. I lost my ability to bounce back from all the things life was throwing my way. I completely lost my ability to function normally. Perhaps the difference is due to the physical illnesses I have developed over the last decade. Those things which challenge me physically in combination with my negative thought processes seem to have created the Grand Poobah of cluster fucks. Every little thing seems tightly interwoven to the next and this intricate maze I run like a trapped lab rat has no end. I want my reward and I want it NOW! Damn it! Where's my hunk of cheese?

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for the days I was Wonder Woman because I looked hot in that skimpy outfit and boots.

8 comments:

  1. The lightbulb just went off...do you suppose going blonde had anything to do with becoming a lab rat? Did the dye eat my brain cells? Just a thought!

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  2. in my case, the ills that started after turning fifty are extremely hard to accept, because in my mind, I'm still in my thirties...and my generation was never going to get old.

    it's been hard realizing that not only is my body turning against me, but that all of the idealistic goals that we baby boomers aspired to (in the way we wanted to change the world with love and not war, for example) didn't really amount to a hill of beans.

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  3. You mean we aren't 25 anymore? Please don't burst the bubble...let me fool myself into thinking that I'll wake up tomorrow and the last 25 years or so have only been a bad dream.

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  4. Age is merely a number.
    Yes as you do age there are bound to be more physical boundaries, but these boundaries had the potential to be there for you at any age really.

    What counts is how you tackle such boundaries.

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  5. Bitter, yes, age is just a number most of the time except when you feel like shit and then it becomes an unescapeable reality. I agree with you about tackling boundaries...guess that's what led me to the yoyo inspector.

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  6. mind over matter (as in age is merely a number) begins to take a back seat to reality as we approach our—shall we say—senior years. we are talking specifically about the ravages of time, are we not?

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  7. Yes, that and those of us who suffer from various conditions. Some things only get worse with time/age and no amount of therapy, medications or anything else will reverse the effect of the illness/disease/condition. Will the nerve damage caused by diabetic neuropathy miraculously disappear someday as if someone waved a magic wand over my feet? Is there a magic wand?

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