Saturday, March 06, 2010

MEDICATION TIME

If giving is more important than receiving, when is the right time to stop and think about ourselves and our own needs? I'm one of those people who give my 150% in anything I do, but have felt at times my giving nature has set me up to be used. Since I don't know how to be any other way and have no real desire to alter who I am, I'm left with the question of when is enough really enough?

If the strong really will inherit the earth, is it the emotional vampires (people who drain us completely dry) who will reign supreme eventually or will it be the do-gooders and hermits of the world?

I'm tired of my cave, but afraid to meander out amongst the masses for fear of the unknown. The unknown has screwed me over too many times. I feel weak and fragile right now. Sleepy? Yep! You betcha! I had a horrible day yesterday and couldn't unwind enough to close my eyes.

One friend was talking about suicide and another one was ranting and spewing venomous hate and discontent my way. I actually got accused of not knowing what real pain feels like. I was told I didn't know how it feels to lose a parent who was more than just a parent, but also a friend. I was told I didn't know how it feels to lose everything and to have nothing. I was told I don't know what it feels like to love so intensely that mere words cannot come close to describing the feeling.

[Karen, you stupid bitch, pay attention when you're in the presence of greatness (a legend in his own mind) and learn to be humble!] [Like that's ever gonna happen in this lifetime!]

Gratitude statement: I'm extremely grateful that while not answering the phone may be morally or ethically wrong...it's not illegal! Self-preservation rules, baby! Thank God, yesterday is over!

11 comments:

  1. It is discouraging when your friends show their bad sides.

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  2. Some people are just ignorant enough to not know a "great" friend when they have one...I do...and you are.

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  3. You are wrestling with the exact issue i do........ when is it time to stop being 'Mat'.
    The only answer I have ever been able to come up with that I can live with is the same one that determines when we stop being active addicts.... when we hit our individual 'bottom'.
    I have had 'friends' who tell me I do not understand their pain both physically and emotionally because theirs is so much worse than anything I have experienced. Since they feel that I can have neither sympathy nor empathy for them, I feel that I am therefore useless as a friend and so I find it very easy to ignore the phone calls! ;)
    Phone? ring? I didn't hear it ring.....
    Hugs
    the NeverPresent Dragon

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  4. ...sigh...

    Is it wrong that I sometimes want to grab these people by the scruff of their necks and slam their heads into their desks, or the nearest wall or whatever is convenient at the time?
    What would John Locke say? He'd be all: "What worries you, masters you."

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  5. Laoch, maybe it's time for less "toxic" friends.

    Margie, thanks for making me smile...some things never change!

    Dragon, of late, I've been doing exactly that! I find it too draining to interact with unnsupportive people.

    Something, John Locke was wise and may we attend the ScuffGrabbingfest together?

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  6. Thank you for stopping by my blog today.

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  7. Ur-spo, you're quite welcome and thank you for discussing a controversial issue.

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  8. you are much nicer than I. I would have told those whiny, negative twats to get fucked. christ, it's hard enough being our own friend and/or support system. who needs others to bring us down.

    i'd rather have no friends than to be sucked dry by those emotional vampires.

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  9. J, as perverse as this may sound I think I'm finally learning not to give so much of myself. I need to save some of me for me.

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  10. i don't think it sounds perverse at all...and if you give until you have nothing left, you're just a shell...and what good are you to anyone, much less yourself?

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