Friday, April 30, 2010

SOUNDS OF SILENCE

I awoke last night cradled in peace. No, I wasn't dreaming! The stillness of my bedroom created a serene ambience. Although I was still sleepy, I fought the urge to drift back into slumber. I wanted to savor the moment and use it to reflect on the things in life that have brought me the most happiness and pleasure. Some things have touched me briefly, yet intensely while others have become as familiar as the air I breathe.

I've been blessed by having three wonderful children. There were times in my life many years ago when they were the only reason I went on...in them, I found the strength to forge ahead and to believe the hard times would pass and better days were ahead. I believe my struggle, in part, helped show them that giving up was not an option and that with perseverance and patience anything is possible.

Romantic love has graced my life, yet unfortunately it's never been a lasting type of love. A smoldering warmth ignited by certain faded memories whispers to me making me realize the qualities I need and want in a partner are ones that transcend just having great sex. Wit, creativity and intelligence are definitely as pleasurable to me as a great physical relationship. In fact, I would go as far as to say that without those qualities any sex would be rather humdrum.

I have enjoyed long, gratifying friendships with people from all walks of life. I have to admit that many of them have helped broaden my horizons by introducing me to cultural, religious and political diversity. When I close my eyes, I can hear their infectious laughter and see smiles that could light up a room.

I feel thankful that I've experienced the true beauty of a magnificent sunrise and sunset, the sound of a child's laughter, the smell of lilacs in the spring and the feel of crisp autumn air. I've had the good fortune to learn the difference between "hearing" and "listening" and know breathtaking music can truly define a moment. I appreciate the depth of well-written words and admire those who can communicate and share themselves with others through that medium. I applaud the talent it takes to capture a certain ordinary visual essence with color and form and transform it into a masterpiece.

Life is filled with so many awe-inspiring things, yet many people don't take the time to "stop and smell the roses". For them, life is a rat race filled with stress and deadlines. They wear blinders so their vision of the world is narrow. They are cynical, pessimistic and materialistic. Often a person's worth is measured by the socioeconomic class in which they belong or by their physical beauty. They never experience the shear joy of feeling the sun on their face or the wind in their hair. Simple things seem boring and unworthy of merit. Phrases like "the best things in life are free" and "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" baffle these people. Each step along their journey is carefully measured and focused towards a well planned goal. Deviations are not allowed. So as I soaked in the stillness that surrounded me, I silently smiled knowing that better days will come, love will greet me once again and all the things that have brought me joy throughout my life will remain with me until the day I die.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful that I still believe in the magical things that life has to offer.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

Recently, a male was talking to me about having a "fight" with his significant other. When I asked him to define "fight" he gave me a blank look. God, I love it when a man does that! I said," Okay let me help you. I want you to select what happened from one of the following:"

a. a "disagreement" is a verbal confrontation in which the involved parties usually come to some sort of compromise or settlement

b. an "argument" is a heated verbal assault in which the involved parties usually have to cool down before a resolution can be made.

c. a "fight" is a physical confrontation usually initiated by harsh words in which no compromise, resolution or settlement is made.

He said, "damn, I didn't realize those 3 things meant 3 different things, but I reckon it was the first one. It was just a little fight." I laughed and went on to ask him if he also says his wife "bitches" all the time. I tried to educate him about selecting the proper use of words, but I didn't make much head way. I do think he at least thought about what I had to say even though he really didn't understand a word of it.

Gratitude statement: I am very thankful for the clarity I possess.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

TIME


Time, for many, is a healer of wounds...both physical and emotional. Time gives each of us a chance to be eternally hopeful because time seems to hold an infinite quantity of second chances. It allows the opportunity for self-examination to those bold enough to explore within. Time acts, in many instances, as the catalyst that makes us choose one path rather than another. I smile as I think of the times instant gratification has influenced my decisions. Instead of choosing wisely or cautiously, I chose what felt best in the heat of the moment. How different my life would have been if I had given more thought to the consequences of my decisions! Nonetheless time always ironed out the kinks and made even the roughest roads easier to travel.

Time too often morphs into a dreaded enemy who extinguishes life’s positive spark with uncertainty and fear. Time demands each of us to face the unknown. How we handle that unknown and incorporate it into our character shows our true strength and versatility. A person who remains “young at heart” has embraced the inevitable seasons of life. Growing old gracefully is an art that depicts a rare, true inner beauty. Vanity creates a battlefield in which gray hair and wrinkles are silent soldiers who strike unmercifully while we are busy living life. One day we awake to find our bodies have changed and our days are numbered. The gift of immorality was just an illusion. It isn't until we grow older that we see all good things do come to an end and dying is just as much a part of life as living has been.

Ultimately, is time a friend or foe?

Time is
Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love,
Time is eternity

~Henry Van Dyke~


Gratitude statement: I'm thankful time hasn't closed my heart from the pain I've experienced, but opened it to be more understanding and compassionate.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

THE MIND IS MIGHTIER THAN THE FIST


Matthew started school when he was 4 because his birthday fell on the cut off date. Being almost a year younger than all the other child made him the smallest in the class and subject to being picked on by the larger kids in his class. After listening to him cry and whine each day when he came home from school about his lumps and bumps and after seeing that the school was not going to do anything to protect him from getting hurt, I finally told him that he was going to have to use his head to get the kids to stop picking on him. I wouldn't support physical violence and felt the situation could be resolved if Matthew persisted and used his head instead of his fists. I had no doubt he would figure it out and champion the situation. Afterall, he not only was a resourceful child, he was brilliant as well.

His brother, Daniel who was a year ahead of him in school informed both Mathhew and me that he wasn't going to fight his brother's battles. I think even at his young age, Daniel saw the potential of starting a lifetime trend. Daniel felt Matthew was smart enough to figure something out even if it was to hire some goons to come be his bodyguard on the playground. The image of Matthew doing something like that always stuck in my head!

By first grade he started telling all his schoolmates that his older sister was a Ninja. At that very young age, most kids will believe just about anything they are told and they certainly weren't going to chance getting their ass kicked by a girl. Slowly, the kids backed off especially when his older sister, then in 5th grade, would come onto the playground.

During second grade, the kids started doubting the Ninja story and by that time, his older sister was no longer in elementary school. Matthew was faced with having to put his thinking cap on once again. A few months into the school year, I noticed he hadn't mentioned anyone picking on him and I assumed everything was okay until I got a call from school. My youngest son had apparently been watching the news and saw where 3 brothers who were hemophiliacs were being banned from school in Florida because they had AIDS. What my son took from that news broadcast was that people left those boys alone because they had something wrong with them. When I received a call from school informing me that my son was telling people he had AIDS, I almost fell out of my seat.

By the 3rd grade Matthew had almost caught up physically to the rest of his classmates and the need to be creative no longer existed. Not only had his sized increased, but his schoolmates knew he might not be able to out punch them, but he could out fox them every time. I think what the whole experience taught him was that using his head is a much better, more effective and less painful way of dealing with the bullies in life.

Gratitude statement: I am thankful for the 3 intelligent children I have.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

SICK & TIRED

And tired and sick...
Some people like springtime. I like being able to breathe. Pollen + asthma = Sore chest, nagging cough, extreme fatigue and high blood sugar.

Gratitude statement: Cough! Cough! Cough! Choke! Gasp for air! Wheeze! Cough! Cough! I'm thankful that this pollen will eventually go away. Hopefully, I'll live to see it happen.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

J&M BITCHFEST


What I'd really like to bitch about, I can't because it involves a lawsuit. Yesterday, I spent all day giving a videotaped deposition. I came home frazzled. My mind was racing and I felt in need of some TLC. Oh yeah! That's right! She's in friggin' time out, so TLC wasn't going to happen. She has this notion that she needed to take a break from men because she has impaired judgment. Isn't that fucking special? She might as well just wear a chastity belt. In the meantime, tiny twattlers have moved in and they have let the old love canal get overgrown with cobwebs and who knows what else is in there. The jolly Green Giant could have moved in and she'd never know! From the valley of the jolly... Ho! Ho! Ho! Green Giant! Hear the echo???

I really have to say women are dumb bitches sometimes! I mean we can be really S-T-U-P-I-D at times!!! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! From a man's perspective, I was told at an early age "I was sitting on a goldmine" and what did I do? I ran with every loser within a 50 mile radius. A real freak magnet here! Yeah, I was sitting on a goldmine alright! I should have hired myself out to a circus. She walks! She talks! She crawls on her belly like a reptile freak! Oh shit! Wait a minute I think I'm supposed to be bitching about someone or something else other than myself! Pardon me while I regroup and pull myself together.

[small break to think]

This is my blog and I am the Captain. The Captain would like to introduce you to Tennille (or Jnuts as I have always called him). I'd like to take you back several years when I first knew Jock was "the chosen one". (Jnuts, when did we start on MSN Spaces? Didn't it first open its pearly gates in late 2004?) Anyway, here was this guy blogging about his prostate. I knew then I had died and gone straight to blogging heaven.

Here is Jock's rant titled "Footloose and Diaper Free" :

So, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. There was no rectal exam. This was merely a PSA blood test. If my bloodwork comes back elevated, I will worry about the old finger bang at that time. Which is fine, as my 'roids have been acting up lately and the only way someone is going to shove anything up my ass is after they give me a bottle of tequila and they are in possession of a jackhammer.

When asked if I wanted the rectal in addition to the PSA, I politely declined by saying, "only if you buy me dinner and call me daddy." My offer was refused. I DID get a Tootsie Pop and a blue ribbon enameled pin signifying "Prostate Awareness." I was already aware I had a prostate, but I took the pin anyway.


How could I leave that alone? I couldn't! I tried! But the force was strong within him! I answered the call of the wild with my own little twist titled "A Visit To Dr. Pain's Office" but included his delightful and very insightful words on my blog as a lead in for what I wanted to say:

I'd like to take this opportunity and turn a simple medical diagnostic test into a Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus moment. I believe every man I've ever known who has had a prostate exam has described the doctor as having fingers the size of tree limbs and the personality of Marquis de Sade. It's not difficult to picture the doctor coming into the examining room, snapping those latex gloves and telling the patient that the procedure may be a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? How about humiliating? And the poor fool isn't even being offered dinner and a movie to go along with it!

I know medical staff do their best to preserve a person's dignity, but how dignifying can a prostate exam be if you're a male or a Pap smear and mammogram be if you're a female? The majority of people reserve access to the vajayjay, the twins and the Incredible Hulk exclusively for their significant other. Now, here we are with an almost total stranger and we're PAYING them to prod and poke us. Nope, we aren’t in some sleazy motel with a prostitute! We're in an examining room with our doctor!

From a woman's perspective, I'd have to say Pap smears and mammograms are most likely the equivalent to the prostate exam. Guys, you're lucky because prostate exams aren't routinely done until a man reaches middle age. Ladies have to endure the joy of Pap smears and pelvic exams annually from the time they first become sexually active. Mammograms aren't started until later, but are routinely done at an earlier age than when prostate exams are started.

For the men who have never had their significant other complain about the whole female going to the gynecologist ordeal, let me fill you in. We not only get the Pap smear and pelvic exam, but we get a rectal exam also. We also have a breast exam and then are sent to have a mammogram depending on what age we are. What can I really say about having a complete stranger stuff my breasts into a cold metal vice and flattening them to the width of a pancake except, "oh boy! Where can I get one of those gadgets to have at home?" (Okay ladies...are you laughing with me?)

I guess the most difficult part of the whole exam experience is the waiting for the results part. Yep! We feel great! We didn't notice any lumps or any other abnormalities, but you never know! You always hear horror stories about someone who feels great one minute and then finds out they have cancer the next. I'm not a fretter and can only imagine what the wait for test results must be like for someone who worries about every little thing in life. They must drive themselves and everyone around them crazy in that period of time. How does anyone reassure or console someone like that?

I have a suggestion for both genders. Guys, do something special for your lady to let her know you're there with her in spirit during this process. It doesn't take much to let someone know you care about them. A nice dinner out? A romantic getaway for both of you? Ladies, the same goes for you. Our guys need support, too (remember they're whiners!). How about tickets to a ballgame, taking him to a movie he wants to see (and you pay for it or it doesn't count) or buying something slinky from Victoria's Secret to wear for him? Just remember it's the thought that counts and doing something small may mean the world to the person you love. Actions always speak louder than words and here's an excellent opportunity to say 'I love you" very loudly!


So there you have it except for the comment our beloved Jock left for me as a response to what I had written:

Leave it to you to take my insipid tale about Nurse Ratched and turn it into something extremely worthwhile. I loved it and agree, except for one thing. Men are whiners? Oh, you must die! I'd come over there and slap you, but my back is killing me because I had to do dishes today. Damn, the pain is so intense from standing there it feels like I'm getting ready to give birth! Oh, and my hands are now all pruny and I think I'm coming down with the flu, because I've been sneezing and have a headache. Although, the headache could be from standing over the sink while steam rising from the water made me dizzy and disoriented. Mommy! I need to take a nap.


Gratitude statement: What can anyone say about or to someone like Jock, but a simple "thank you"?

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

DOES GOD READ BLOGS?


I know God has many faces and names throughout the world. I respect that concept as do I respect each human's right to believe and worship in any manner they feel most appropriate. I also respect the right of each person to modify their beliefs throughout their lifetimes as they grow, learn and become enlightened. For many of us, religion was something that was introduced to us as a child and what we learned was what our parents felt we needed to know of God and the mysteries of life and death. We were expected to accept those things that couldn't be explained because "God works in mysterious ways" and "when God closes one door, he opens another". Questioning God was not permitted and if a person harbored any doubts, that person was expected to do so in silence. God wasn't an issue of debate! Some people developed a deep faith and it has given them great comfort at times of sorrow and loss throughout their lives. Some people believe God answers prayers and that He never turns his back upon the faithful. They believe He never gives anyone more than they can handle. Those people seem to be able to accept anything that happens without questioning it. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people!

I have to admit I have gone through my life "exploring" various religions without finding one that fits. You see, I have always fallen short of allowing myself to believe in a loving, merciful God who destroys cities and allows some of his most faithful to parish in pain and suffering. I have no problem believing that some greater force than myself is responsible for life as we know it, but I'm afraid that my beliefs fall short of giving credit to some supreme being for the acts of Mother Nature, epidemics and the other major boo boos of the world. I've really tried to envision some omnipotent, omniscient being sitting plugged into a gigantic database that controls all things everywhere throughout the entire universe and it quite frankly blows my mind. I know what the religious people out there will think and say. Trust me, I'm not writing this so any of you will leave me mini sermons on the virtues of Christianity and the need to be saved. I'm just having a hard time watching the news these days and believing that God is alive and well and living on the same planet I call home.

Gratitude statement: I am grateful for being able to remain open-minded and to find the strength to question what I feel needs to be questioned.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A MOMENT OF CLARITY

When people tell me, I need a boyfriend, I sometimes fall into a moment or two of weakness and actually long for the intimacy that's been missing in my life for the last 5 years. My moment of weakness is then followed by a mental slap in the face! What? Share the remote? Have some guy putting his feet on my table and asking for a sandwich?? Listen to a list of all my faults recited to me repeatedly? Start out with mind-blowing sex to be followed up with something less satisfying than "wham bam, thank-you, ma'am"? Be oogled as desireable due to being independent and free-spirited only to be told that I can stop being that way after I've been taken out of the meat market? Be forgotten on my birthday? Bought small appliances for Christmas? Expected to be a saucy tart 24/7 even when he hasn't showered and smells like decaying fecal matter? Have every piece of food I consume carefully scrutinized? Give up chick flicks for action/adventure movies? Be totally drained dry only to be tossed in the garbage for a perkier model?

Gratitude statement: I am thankful for having such a great comparison in case Mr. Wonderful ever does show up!

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Monday, April 12, 2010

MEDICATION TIME

I know sometimes I ramble on about being alone when in reality, I'm exactly where I want to be. I think I have moments of weakness when I actually do miss having a significant other and then something always knocks me back into reality. Usually, it's someone I know going through some relationship drama that makes me want to vomit and run for cover. At times like those, I feel thankful that my life is without that kind of drama.

Unfortunately, my life has other areas that take up the slack. I just read an article today about diabetes and stress. HA! And people think carbs are what kill...

First and foremost on my bitchfest for today is my elderly mother. I call her "mother" for lack of anything else to call her. You see, this woman who looks like my mother really isn't my mother at all. The aliens must have abducted her about 5 years ago and put a empty pod in her place. The empty pod doesn't like to do the things my mother used to like to do. In fact, the only activity this pod likes is sitting in the dark and rocking in the rocking chair. The pod won't bathe, brush her teeth or eat properly, but when asked about depression, "it" responds that everything is fine.

I'm at the point of pulling my hair out because I don't know what to do to help change things. All this stress is effecting my health, but short of installing an on/off switch in my head, I don't know how to just accept the fact that there isn't anything I can do. Believe me, over the past 5 years, I have tried everything known to man to interest the pod in anything and any suggestion I make is met with instant resistence. I even went as far as one day saying to the pod, "Okay we're even!" (I felt she was paying me back for me being such a rebellious shit in my younger years) The pod knew what I meant without any further explanation and it laughed at my frustration!

The second bug that has crawled up my ass are people who disappoint me...I know,BOO HOO! I figure at this stage of life meaning "adulthood", people should follow through on things they say they are going to do or else they need to just keep their well-meaning pieholes closed. I'm tired of doing things for everyone and in turn, feeling like I'm used and unappreciated. Yes, I know I allow this and need to be a little less giving, but to be honest with you, I don't know how to be any other way. And I really don't think it's me who has the problem! Being able to give to others is an attribute, but the longer I live, the more I see it's an attribute that's taken advantage of by leeches, emotional vampires and other bottom feeders. At this moment I just want to tell everyone to "suck my ass dry!" I NEED DRUGS! NOW! And the sad part is, I'll take a deep breath or twenty and just go about my business.

Gratitude statement: I'm grateful for being able to tell those around me, the givers of stress to fuck off ocassionally.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED

Yes, a funny thing did happened to me on my way to old age! I got distracted, sidetracked and ended up poked away in some hermitage on The Redneck Riviera. How the hell did that happen? Now, many years later here I am in a spot I never thought I'd be. I really didn't think at this stage of my life I'd be alone. Lately, I have laughed at myself for being such a loser. Here I sit typing away about love and life when obviously whatever formula I had carefully devised for successful relationships hasn't worked. My head is full of stupid idealistic notions and all those notions have accomplished is to keep me isolated and alone. I think my plan royally backfired!

I wish some of the married people out here would tell me the secret of success, longevity and of finding the right match for myself and where to search. I know people say as long as you're hunting you won't find what you're hunting for. Maybe so, but what about the last five years I haven't been hunting? Am I so defective and grotesque that the thought of being with me makes men run for cover? Does my independence work against me by causing any potential mate to feel unwanted or unneeded?

Am I demanding? Not really! Actually, I'm low maintenance and I think this might be something that has worked against me also. You see, I had this foolish notion that the best things in life are free and love needn't be an expensive adventure. After all, they say money doesn't buy love. Also, I’ve never been a materialistic person. "Stuff" just doesn't impress me. I was always more impressed by what was inside a person than by what they owned. I think this is another flaw in my outlook on life.

Am I a vain person? No, not at all! In fact, people look at me as a diamond in the rough. I guess I should have spent countless hours at the gym and thousands of dollars on make-up and saved my pennies to buy a pair of implants. Somehow, when I looked in the mirror over the years, I never saw a person who needed make-up and the hard physical work I did all my life seemed to keep me in pretty good shape. As for the implants... well 40C seems ample enough for me and since I never had a career as an exotic dancer, I never felt the need to enhance what mother nature already gave me.

So what's wrong with me? And how do I fix it? Or do I just let it be and keep right on believing the right person is going to love me unconditionally and accept me for who I am when that has never happened? What are the odds at this point that the remainder of my life will be spent alone? I think statistics are starting to work against me here! Being a few standard deviations from the norm makes me at high risk to be an old maid. It's off to the nunnery for Mildred!

The person I have deemed as being "okay" must not be. I wish I could see myself through someone else's eyes and then I'd know what to fix. It's hilarious that just recently I thought the metamorphosis was complete because I had emerged from a difficult time in one piece. Now, I’m beginning to think the metamorphosis has just begun and the road ahead of me is unclear!

It sounds to me like I'm a prime candidate for a mid-life crisis! Now, all I need to do is find a suitable one...one worth the time and effort of doing. Knowing me as I do, I have no problem believing something will come my way and pique my interest...and probably be a total disaster (my specialty)! So let the fun begin!

Gratitude statement: I actually am grateful to have lived this long to be faced with what to do with the rest of my life.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Monday, April 05, 2010

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger! Does survival really mean we are stronger or does it merely mean we're smarter and more leary of placing our hand in the same fire that burnt us the first time? Stronger would imply that if faced with same battle whether it is an emotional or a physical one, we would be the victor the second time around. But doesn't it take more courage to walk away from a battle sometimes than to stay and fight? Isn't that wisdom, victory in itself?

Gratitude statement: I am thankful to be a survivor whether or not that means I'm stronger or smarter or both!

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

THE MANY FACES OF MILDRED

I started on Blogspot back in 2004, shortly after I discovered MSN Spaces. Because Spaces always seemed to keep me amused, I never did much with the blog I had on this site. Up until recently, Spaces was always homebase for me. Now, for many reasons I've decided to close down my blog on Spaces and call this spot home sweet home. As a result of my decision I've decided to move my old blog here, so if any of you are interested in visiting the other "me", you can either look for the link on my profile or click on it here:

ABNORMALLY NORMAL PEOPLE
(Refuge for the subtly sane, the mentally irregular and the politically incorrect)

This was the first blog I ever had and seems more like my child than anything else since so much of me went into it. A lot of the material posted on it will be "reposts" as I move my blog from Spaces to here.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for blogs because they allow me to satisfy being a glutton for punishment.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

EROTICISM AND THE WALMART SHOPPER

I hate crowds! I also hate shopping! I guess that not only makes me unAmerican, but also the atypical female. Sometimes I used to go grocery shopping late at night to avoid the crowds. Very late on night, I went to Walmart where I encountered a middle-aged couple ahead of me in the checkout line purchasing 3 items. I made the following observations about the couple:


1. They were a well-dressed, affluent, middle-aged couple.
2. They were obviously enamored with each other because they made frequent passionate public displays of affection (PDA)


My smile turned to utter delight as I became mentally captivated by the 3 items they purchased. To this day I often wonder why any couple would come to Walmart at 2 a.m. to buy a roll of duct tape, a reclining lawn chair and a can of whipped cream! No, I didn't follow them home, but I have to admit I was tempted!

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for having a keen power of observation and enough sense to know when to leave well enough alone!

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

DO ME, DO ME, DO ME



Gratitude statement: I'm grateful that music transcends time and by simply listening to a song, I can be forever young and perpetually in heat!