Thursday, June 17, 2010

MILDRED'S SPAWN

With all the generalizations I can make about family structure and relationships, I have to admit I stepped outside the box a time or two by encouraging my children to think for themselves and make decisions based on the available facts. I always believed a person does not develop problem-solving skills unless they are allowed to reason through situations and think for themselves. I tried to guide my children without taking control of every situation unless taking control was actually needed. Sometimes, but not often I had to step in and use my MOTHER trump card. I also, encouraged them to develop their own opinions and to stand up for the issues in which they strongly believed.

They had the advantage of having a mother who allowed them to do much more than most children were allowed to do. You might wonder how that worked out and if they took advantage of my liberalism and leniency. I can easily answer that by saying my whole parental philosophy was centered on the premise "if you act stupid, you'll be treated stupid." As long as their decisions and actions reflected intelligence and some forethought, then life was a like a bowl full of cherries...without the stems and stones! Let me say that I believe my children respect me and not because respect is something expected, but earned. They see I'm someone who can admit when I’m wrong and when I give advice, it's given from my heart and based upon my own experiences. I don't believe in "just do it because I said so” or “just do it and don't ask any questions". So now, as adults, they are people who can give even when the odds are stacked against them. They can love without hesitation and withhold judgment until the jury deliberates.

Gratitude statement: As difficult as it was raising my children primarily as a single parent, I have to admit in many ways I am thankful that butting heads with someone with an opposite parental philosophy wasn't in the mix.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.

9 comments:

  1. coming from a home that sent mixed messages: "do as I say, not as I do" and "question everything," it's a wonder I'm not a fucked up mess...oh, wait, never mind.

    i tried to do as you (maybe it was our generation) and I feel it worked. i have a totally different relationship with my children than i had (and have) with my parents.

    dr. spock be damned.

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  2. I was one of those kids that got raised by a huge family. Italians. We are legion. It was fortunate that most were generally very loving towards us kids. We were taught respect but we were also given a lot of love. Perfection is a myth and mistakes are always made by parents but kids are mostly resilient if genuine love is present. I tried to impart the same to my sons.

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  3. I can not imagine a task more hard or important than raising children. You deserve a medal - or at least real estate.

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  4. I've always thought the best things you could give to children were freedom and a safe haven.

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