Monday, November 07, 2011

WARNING: LOVE CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH


Over the years there have been many scare campaigns to get people to wake up and live healthier lives. We all know smoking can lead to lung and heart disease. Excessive alcohol consumption over time can cause liver and brain damage. Eating fibrous roughage can help prevent colon cancer, yet excessive fiber intake can cause the silent, but deadly MGA (massive gas attack) leading to a severe dip in your general popularity. The mercury in canned tuna fish is harmful if you eat more than 1 can of tuna every 2 weeks over a prolonged period of time. Artificial sweeteners in the past were rumored to cause cancer. Sugar and caffeine have been on the medical community's hit list for years being the lead suspect in causing everything from hyperactivity to enlarged prostrates. The list goes on and on and have many people wondering just what is safe to ingest and what foods and activities should we avoid.

I remember getting a chuckle from an article I read a few years ago claiming bad relationships can lead to heart disease. Soon the term "broken-hearted" will take on a whole new meaning! I foresee people suffering from being broken hearted having the perpetrator arrested for attempted murder. Single people will no longer have to bear the stigma of being viewed as damaged goods. Single people will be able to proudly answer when quizzed about not having a significant other that they are choosing to live a healthier lifestyle to avoid dying at a young age. So, the next time when the possibility of having a relationship rears its ugly head, I need to ask myself how that special someone will impact my overall health. Will they be like alcohol and feel great for a short while, but become detrimental to my health over time or will they be like fiber causing some mild discomfort from time to time, but actually help prevent the really bad things from happening? At this point in my life, I'll forego the detrimental "alcohol" fix and go for the MGA "roughage"!

21 comments:

  1. I guess in the end one can not win. My small philosophy these days is: balance in all things. This seems better than random nothingness but it is not really satisfying.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I LOVED the rush of 15yr old sex and love! I LOVE the rush of sex and love with a partner of 32 years. I'm glad I had them both. My body has scars, my heart has a scar, but I bend and do not break. If I COULD have known where the first love was headed I would not have said pass. And on that note, pass me some pizza!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laoch, all we can hope for is a few laughs along the way!

    Diane, it sounds to me like you've sampled from a well-balanced diet and deserve to feast on pizza for as long as you like. As long as it doesn't have anchovies on it, may I have a slice?

    ReplyDelete
  4. My mental health is what always seemed to take a hit in relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Doug, that's why you, me and a few other very select people really need to join the circus!

    ReplyDelete
  6. skillful chain yanker and expert troller in search of witty banter and indecent proposals.

    You're funny.

    Love, fuck, that's too complex to figure out well, and the older you get the harder it is to figure out. I like to put it on a scale of one to ten.

    At three you want to screw, if you like the screwing it gets bumped up to five. If the screwing is really really good it can make it up to seven or eight.

    If she always wants to keep me in debt that knocks us back down to a two, yup, complex shit, when I compare available women to the wise old lady next door.

    Now I prefer to avoid such things and do a lot of camping and boating.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, about food, I just eat to live, not live to eat, and eat any damn thing I want, pretty damn sure I'm going to get dead no matter what I do.

    ReplyDelete
  8. BBC, you forgot to say "you're funny and cute"...that's the rules in this establishment! So according to your scale no one ever rates a nine or ten? Now, that's depressing! Where would someone who enjoys camping and boating rate on your scale? It sounds to me like you may need to come join the circus with me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I'm sorry, you're funny and cute.

    A nine or a ten? She'd have to love camping and boating as well as screwing, when camping and boating. :-)

    It sounds to me like you may need to come join the circus with me.

    I don't do Florida, been there, done that, fuck it, I'm a country western shit kicker and will die kicking the shit around here.

    Why the hell wasn't I consulted on the boat naming? Now, I'm really mad and I'm gonna go sulk in the corner for awhile.

    Um, careful of your thoughts in the corner. Sorry toots, but a lot of names have been kicked around for two years and you showed up too late, I think that everything but masturbator was suggested. Now that I'm fixing the boat up it's time to get a name on it.

    I kind of liked BITCH AVOIDANCE DEVICE, hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  10. The best thing Florida ever produced was Smokey Yunick, there was one hell of an interesting man. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, btw, my country cats can whip your cats asses, hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  12. Boy, you're bringing back some memories, I was slow getting out of the gate when it came to women, joined the Navy when I was 18, my first duty station was Whiting Field in Milton Florida for two years.

    Just before I got transferred to Alaska I got a date with a sweet gal that I met at the UFO club in Milton, she lived in Pensacola, I took her and her mother out (in a nice borrowed car) for a steak dinner, and she was the first girl I ever kissed, after mommy cut us loose having decided she approved of me.

    There wasn't any hanky panky, I didn't get screwed until a few weeks later when I was on my way to Alaska and visited some friends in Idaho and a woman got me drunk and screwed me in the front seat of my 1954 Plymouth station wagon. I was so proud of the stain on the new front seat covers. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. the body and mind likes to drive down the middle of the road, it doesn't like to drive in the extremes ditches.

    ReplyDelete
  14. BBC, as they always say: it's better late than never! And isn't it funny the things we are proud of in our youth? I'm glad that the memories I've helped surface are good ones. Now, what would have been a real hoot is if I was that "sweet gal" you met in the UFO club.

    Ur-spo, I guess my mind and body are just learning that middle of the road concept. Does that mean there's hope for me after all?

    ReplyDelete
  15. To be moderate is a good thing, I'm always working at that, I don't even 'borrow' airplanes anymore, or cars. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. BTW, toots, friends just call me Billy.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Okay Billy and my friends call me "mighty master".

    ReplyDelete
  18. and here I thought we called you queen ovaltine. or goddess.

    and too much roughage can cause diarrhea. it's hardly worth the shitty pants.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jnuts, I adore you! Queen Ovaltine has a certain ring to it...I like it! I thought that was what the garden hose is for...shitty pants and pesky neighbors.

    ReplyDelete
  20. oh, god, mildred, were you there the night I had to hose myself off in backyard? a story better left untold.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Jnuts, no that's definitely a story that does need to be told. DEFINITELY!

    ReplyDelete