Dragging myself out of bed each day seems to be getting more difficult. If it weren't for my dogs needing to go out first thing in the morning, I probably wouldn't even roll out of bed at all. Then on top of what seems to be an inevitable decline, this damn slow moving cold front is killing me. Is anyone else out there physically affected by the weather? It seems like every spot in my body that already hurts is amplified by ten. Yes, I've been to the doctor (many times) and yes, I was referred to a pain specialist who told me that because I have so many areas of pain throughout my body, he's very limited in what he can do to help me. His main concern at the moment is the neuropathy in my lower legs and feet.
Each time I go to a doctor and I'm told something I'm not prepared to hear, it immediately transports me into a surreal setting where I emotionally shutdown. I did exactly that when I was told I have liver disease. How the hell did that happen? With all the alcoholism that runs rampant in my family, I, the person who doesn't drink, am the lucky recipient of liver disease. Isn't that special? Now, I'm told that I'm at a high risk for falls. Wait a minute! I'm 50 something and I'm at a high risk for falls??? That can't be right! Okay, so I'm a trooper. I will snap back and deal with all of this, but the next day after learning that my neuropathy has gotten a lot worse, I get the results of my last blood tests in the mail with a note from my doctor attached. He wanted me to contact him regarding how I want to handle this new problem. Is being put out to pasture an option? How about one last grand brouhaha in the style in which I am accustomed? Is laying on a beach and soaking up the rays in some tropical location while being brought fruity concoctions to drink by some buff cabana boy an option?
My previous lab results revealed my A1C had gone down. Although my number still wasn't quite where it needed to be, it was a definite step in the right direction. It made me feel as if I had really accomplished something. Now, as I sat reading my most current results all I could do is shake my head. My A1C has risen higher than it's ever been. My mind started to scramble and I felt immediately overwhelmed. Many things started running through my head, but the one thought that has stuck with me is regarding the role my liver plays in my diabetes. Since I have a diseased liver and glucose is secreted into the bloodstream via the liver, could it be possible that my dysfunctional liver is the culprit of my higher numbers? I suppose I'll run my theory by my doctor when I see him again in a couple of weeks and hopefully, he won't give me the "I know you sit around eating bags of cookies and swilling Coke all day" look. Hopefully, he can suggest a replacement medication for the one my insurance refuses to cover because it's too expensive. Perhaps going from 3 diabetic drugs down to 2 daily caused the drastic increase in my A1C. And perhaps my insurance company is trying to kill me so they won't have to pay anymore claims! Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm part of some sick, sadist Catch 22 with no way out.