Saturday, January 05, 2013

QUE SERA SERA

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be
I've discovered a few things in the last few days. First and most important, many of our lives ran parallel to each other. Sometimes we all can get wrapped up in our own lives and forget that other people have pain, sorrow and heartaches much like our own and on the flip side of that, often times we neglect to notice the similiar joys in life many of us share. I think many of us have much more in common than we realize.

Last year about this time my mother fell and broke her hip which required surgery and a 6 week stay at a local nursing home so she could go through some grueling physical rehab so she could get up and walking again. At first I doubted that she was going to be able to work through the pain associated with her injury and surgery, but I must admit my mother never ceases to amaze me. She afterall is a tough old Maine broad and not much is going to kick her ass even at the age of 84. Her injury was a result of passing out upon standing up, but after many tests, the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her. Not long ago she had another episode of passing out where she fell in her bedroom and smacked her head so hard on a rock (rock collecting is a family thing and one I must write about in the future) that the bruise it left lasted well over a month and covered the whole side of her face and neck. After being brought to the ER by her pushy daughter (me) and checked out, she was deemed a-okay and good to go home. I must admit her passing out episodes have become a constant source of worry for me as I try my best to make sure her quality of life is as good as it can be for as long as I have a say in it. I guess I'll just have to accept whatever happens I've done my best and that's all I can do.

The other major source of angst for me has been my own health issues, but I've decided that I, too am a tough old Maine broad and not much can kick my ass for very long either. Whatever the future holds, I'm not going down without a fight. I'm just going to deal with things as they happen and not worry about the future until it gets here. When it's time to come out punching, I'll be ready to do so. Life is much too short to waste it on being miserable. Some things in life we can't change and we have to accept them and all the other stuff is ours to misdirect as we so choose.

Last year was also filled with finding and developing a new hobby. I wouldn't call myself an artist yet, but I'm getting damn close! I've decided painting is music with color. There's something about creating anything from start to finish that soothes my soul. Many have asked if I was able to create such beauty why haven't I been doing it all along. That's a great question and one there is no easy answer. I just tell those who inquire that one artist per family is quite enough. Until 6 years ago my mother was the family artist...Rosalie Picasso she was called by our clan and now my moniker has become Van Goggins (I rather like it).

I've also discovered as a result of neglecting my blog that I really do have things to share. Sometimes writing is more therapeutic than anything else and sharing our insights into certain aspects of our lives may be the lightbulb moment in someone else's life. Sometimes the words flow and sometimes they don't. Those who know us and have stood by us through thick and thin will remain to do so for the duration. Of this I'm certain. I also feel certain that those special people will never judge us and will continue to love us and hold us in high esteem no matter what flaws we reveal. I find great comfort in this and feel a need to release those things that have remained hidden for so very long.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be
.