Saturday, April 04, 2015

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

Pain is something we all experience and deal with in various ways and those ways are as individual as each of us is.  Over the past year, I've found myself in a few situations of having to deal with some major pain and disappointment due to the collapse of three close relationships...all were filled with negative aspects and no longer brought me the joy they once did.  Letting go and stepping away from any close relationship is not only difficult, it's scary as well.  I must have asked myself a hundred times if I made the right decisions, but in my heart I know that removing myself from the negativity and thinking about what's best for me was the right thing to do.  Some people have speculated that the pain from ending those relationships helped start the emotional avalanche I've been experiencing as of late.  What I think is many things great and small have brought me to my knees lately, but not to pray.

Now, I'm faced with yet another relationship to assess.  When I was at the height of my crisis, I received a card in the mail from a friend who I haven't heard from in ages.  She stated she had read what I had posted on Facebook about my current situation.  Instead of responding to what I had written either in a comment there or a private message or by picking up the phone and calling me, she chose to do so with a handwritten card.  As I read her words that directed me to throw away my meds and to pray instead, I remember asking my son over and over again who would write something like that to someone so fragile.  I cried and paced and just couldn't wrap my mind around the carelessness of such a statement.  The more I thought about it the crazier I got. 

I really had no idea that she read anything I posted on Facebook because she never comments on anything I write.  The times I've written comments on her Facebook page regarding things she posts, my comments would go unanswered while she responded to everyone else who made comments.  In the past I would call her and leave messages on her voicemail, but she would never call me back. I may be hardheaded, but I'm not blind and I certainly can see when someone isn't interested in staying in touch with me so I simply stopped putting myself in the position of being ignored.  I felt like I deserved to be treated better than that especially by someone who claims to be my friend. 

Yes, you read the part right that she suggested that I throw away my meds and pray instead.  Let me say that I respect anyone's religion and I appreciate any prayers my family and friends want to send my way, BUT  and it's a huge BUT, I personally don't pray.  I really hate to label people because that seems so backwards, so I'll just say where religions are concerned I have my doubts and skepticism.  My close friends may not like or understand what I believe to be true, but they all respect it just like I respect their opinions and beliefs.  I guess I should say they all respect it EXCEPT her.  She has always preached to me and claims to be a Christian yet she can't find it in her heart to try to mend the torn relationship she has with her sister.  Her jealousy and mean spirit reminds me of her elderly mother who is filled with nothing but bitterness towards everyone.  The older she gets the more like her mother she becomes.  What I see I can liken to someone thinking they're a mechanic just because they stand in a garage.  People who claim to be Christians should be more Christ-like, be less judgmental, more forgiving, more compassionate, more love-inspiring and most of all they should lead by example. 

Seriously, where does anyone get off telling someone to throw away their meds and pray?  I can appreciate the fact that many people have panic attacks and that maybe the prescribed meds give them an adverse reaction, but that doesn't mean the meds are bad.  I keep thinking how she would have felt if I had taken her wonderful advice and stopped taking the anti-anxiety meds that had been prescribed to me and then tragically, I took my own life because I could no longer cope.  Would she have felt any responsibility or would it have been just a big oops on her part?  People need to stop and think about what they say to others especially in times of crisis.  Their words can really impact a person.  It's okay to share your experiences with someone who is going through something similar.  It's usually comforting to know you're not alone, but remember that each person is different and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for all people. I'm glad my "friend" was healed through prayer, but I think I'll use a psychiatrist, a good therapist and take some meds to help me through my rough spot. 

Now, I need to decide whether or not to post this link on Facebook so she can read all about how I feel and what I think.  What would you do?

11 comments:

  1. I suspect I would let it, and her go.
    Energy becomes precious to me when I am emotionally fragile, and I only expend it when I am pretty certain I will get a result. It sounds as if your friend is less flexible than concrete. You won't change her mind, or probably even make her question herself.
    Look after yourself, and do what is right for you.

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    1. Good advice and letting it go is most likely what I'll do. Some battles just aren't worth the energy I have to spend to get my point across and why spend it on someone who is obviously closed off to my needs. I know a real friend wouldn't have done that.

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  2. I have a feeling anything you say or do concerning her will not affect her in any way whatsoever. For heavens sake, continue to disregard that unfeeling and totally erroneous advice she gave you. I have a feeling this woman is not so much 'Christian' as she is 'Religious' and there is a huge difference there.

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  3. I'd unfriend and block her ass on FB. I unfriend people who don't interact with me. If I ask questions or make comments and they don't respond, they're gone, and I don't care how long I've known them. What I love is like months or a year later I get a message, 'you unfriended me?!?!' So incredulous and indignant. My standard response is, 'it's nothing personal, you just never interacted with me or commented on anything I posted so....'

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  4. Her card showed she cares. Maybe your friend just has trouble expressing some ideas. To my knowledge, meds and prayer are not mutually exclusive.

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  5. This, I'm sorry angers me. As a Christian myself she is a very bad example of one. Some denominations do believe you shouldn't seek medical attention, that you should just "pray". This to me is ridiculous. I believe God wants us to use our God-givin brain and do what ever we can to take care of ourselves which means seek help in the field you need be it medical or mental. Yes I do believe He can heal us but I also believe He wants us to use whats available to us. You are spot on Karen about your opinion on how a Christian should be in this world. However none of us are perfect and to achieve all these we would have to be. I think we need to just try our best to be these things in His power. And be grateful to wake up everyday to live for Him. Sad that some people put such a bad taste of Christianity in peoples mouths. I love you dearly and will continue to pray for you my friend.







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  6. In my opinion, holding onto hurt is detrimental. If I were in this situation I would privately thank her for the card and let her know how she made you feel. I find that verbalizing, then letting go helps immensely. It took me YEARS to find the strength to be vocal, and honey, it feels good! Then, share the link to your blog.

    I hope you are finding restful sleep and on the path to healing! Love you!

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  7. Being part of a family whose first line of defense for anything is "prayer" it offends me a bit when people proffer that word like it is the answer to ALL things. Well, I don't believe in God (and I don't need anyone to try to convert me, or condemn me because of my belief system0.

    That said, I suppose it would be just as offensive to others if I said all you need to do is get drunk and laid. So, there you go!

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