Wednesday, March 30, 2016

ALL IN THE PACK - STORY 1: THE GIFT

Any pet owner of multiple pets knows that each pet has their own distinctive personality. One of my pets is a doxiepoo (miniature dachshund/toy poodle mix) or "doodle" (what he was sold as).  B.A. (Be Anything) is just too smart for his own good. SERIOUSLY! I'm confident enough with his abilities to have him match wits with many people...especially with the juvenile politicians in the current presidential clown show.  Let’s see, they’ve discussed penis size…B.A. has them beat there.  He’s hung like a horse! In the matter of wives…B.A.’s significant other is a queen and his mistress is a quite lovely German Shepherd named Sasha who lives next door. His sister, Libby is protector of “The Portal” (a reflection on the living room ceiling that she stares at and guards diligently).  As for foreign and domestic relations, we have ambassadors to: China (Shih Tzu), Scotland/UK (Dandie Dinmont Terrier), France/Germany (Doodle) and North America (American Shorthair Feline). For specific policies, please refer to B.A.’s website: Iamthegreastest.org

Each day B.A. amazes me with how he manipulates people. For example, he views ALL visitors as someone new to play with him. After just a minute or two, he deposits one of his favorite toys at the feet of any visitor and starts "using his words" (a command he knows to do in order to let anyone know what he wants.) In this case, it's to let them know it's playtime. He also knows to go to Grandma, if Momma tells him "no". These are just a few of his many characteristics that make him a unique member of the pack in which he's a member.  One of his fellow pack members is a cat who think's she's a dog. We call Tara a "cog" (cat/dog).  Actually, I don't think any of them knows what they are, except Fenway (an extremely spoiled Shih Tzu)! She definitely knows she's the alpha of the pack. I call her "Cujo" when she's in her bossy mode because she acts like a cross between the cartoon character, the Tasmanian Devil or the rabid Saint Bernard Stephen King featured in one of his many novels...except without the foam and biting!

Another thing that distinguishes B.A. from the others is the gifts he deposits occasionally on the floor in the den. This gift is a perfectly formed "shitsicle" (a word I made up because the tird looks like an ice cream cone). This ability is one he formed as a tiny puppy. When he has to go to the bathroom, he sits down completely and as he starts to have a bowel movement, he slowly lifts up his bottom, thus forming a glorious SHITSICLE.