Thursday, February 27, 2014

MY SLICE OF LIFE

My slice of life!
Monday I had a child support court date. Although this saga has been an ongoing one for almost 3 decades, fortunately, I haven't had to attend a court date in many, many years.  You see, when my children were young their father felt he had no financial or moral obligation to them after we got divorced.  Many times I tried to reason with him by telling him any unpaid child support wasn't a debt that simply vanished like the proverbial rabbit in the magician's hat and I also tried countless times to encourage him to have a relationship with his children. Both pleas fell on deaf ears!  Due solely to his bad choices he learned the hard way and now he pays back child support on a debt that was at one time over $70,000.  The current balance is just over $14,000, so I'm sure he finally sees the light of day, but the real damage he did goes far deeper than what can be seen in dollars and cents.  The real damage can be measured by his two sons (both in their 30's) who refer to him not as their father, but as "the sperm donor".  

This snippet wasn't intended to be about him or the debt he incurred during his deadbeat era, but rather about the large cesspool in which many divorced parents drown...the child support system.  I was truly amazed at how unprepared the hearing officer was regarding the information in each case presented.  The judge was clearly annoyed at her, but bureaucracy seems to always have so much red tape that prevents one hand from ever knowing what the other is doing. Nothing runs smoothly or quickly and it's the children who ultimately suffer!  

As I left the courtroom, I breathed a huge sigh of relief knowing that my days struggling to stay afloat in that system were all, but over.  My children are grown and no longer have to hear me tell them that delayed gratification builds character each time they had to wait to get something they wanted. I worked hard throughout their childhood and provided for all their needs.  It was their wants that sometimes suffered due to lack of funds, but I'm sure they're stronger, more understanding men for having gone through that.  

As I watched my ex walk across the parking lot I tried to remember why I ever loved him and what I ever saw in him. All I saw now as I took one last look at him was a cold, bitter middle-aged man and truthfully, what I saw didn't appeal to me on any level. As I sat there and reveled in my indifference, all of a sudden it made sense to me why it felt good to tell the judge I had no objection to him having his driver's license reinstated.  Harboring no ill will or resentment towards him gave me a sudden rush of good feelings, but not for him...they were for me. I was proud of myself for rising above and moving forward. It felt so liberating knowing I really was on the other side looking back and not the over way around.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

THE KNIFE OF FLU'S REGRET

This week's Words For Wednesday are: incarcerate, phlegm, damp, groan, knife and blessing.
 

A flummoxed state of being
A blessing in disguise
A fevered mind thinks of freeing
A vision from its tear stained eyes.

In a darkened room
Loudly from within
I groan from gloom, I moan with doom
The questions now begin.

To be or not to be
Incarcerate or flee
To be or not to be
Influenza vexes me.

Phlegm soaked tissues; swollen glands
A body damp with fevered sweat
Needs the tender care of loving hands
To pacify the knife of flu’s regret.

by Mildred Ratched 



Tuesday, February 25, 2014

MARKETING GENIUS OR TASTELESS TWIT?

Anyone familiar with YouTube knows they come accompanied with an annoying commercial at the beginning of each video.  The viewer has the option to skip the ad after a just a few seconds. For quite awhile whenever I'd view any YouTube video, I always get the same advertisement.  After skipping it many times, I finally watched it.  OMG!  WTF! Were the advertisement gods trying to tell me something? Is this stuff for real?  And if so, I know what I'm buying everyone for Christmas next year!

  

Thursday, February 20, 2014

PENICILLIN FOR YOUR SOUL

Taken from Under The Porch Light's Words For Wednesday:
 
Words for Wednesday’  is a once a week writing prompt that has carried over from ‘thefeatherednest’.  The prompt could be a selection of words,  a photo,  an idea or a couple of sentences you can use to start a piece of flash fiction.  Write a poem or a story using as much or as little of the prompt as you please or offer us something entirely different as a prompt.  There are no deadlines, no rules...just a bit of good clean fun.  Put your creation in comments here or let us know if you are posting on your own blog.   Please let me know if you want to be listed in the sidebar as a participant.
 
Today’s prompt is:
actual
spontaneous
remedy
fanciful
mesmerized
cranium
 
OR
 
listen
glisten
christen
moisten
hasten
penicillin
 
I chose "listen, glisten, christen, moisten, hasten and penicillin" and wrote the following short poem using those words:
 

Can you hear your inner song?

It beckons you to sing along

Painted with love’s brightest ray

A glisten-streaked joyful day

 

A song to christen your doubtful heart

With eternal hope and fearless starts

Moisten the most barren land

With seeds to sow and gentle hand

 

Hasten now my wounded child

That inner song will make you smile

It may sound like rock and roll

Penicillin for your soul.
 
I love reading the various responses posted on Under The Porch Light.  The creativity that flows forth is simply amazing!  Thank you, Delores for allowing me to participate!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

TO POT OR NOT: THE MEDICAL MARIJUANA DEBATE

When I disclosed my various health issues in
THE BEAST WITHIN ME or when I revealed my angst regarding the pain I experience in THE TRUTH IS A VIRUS, I should have taken those opportunities to start a discussion regarding medical marijuana. As they always say..."better late than never!"

Twenty states now have laws making the use of medicinal marijuana legal as long as it's prescribed by a licensed physician. Unfortunately I don't live in any of those states so I can't try it out unless I do it illegally at the present time.  At my age, risky behavior has lost its appeal. Florida and a few other states have medical marijuana amendments on their November 2014 ballots.  Since I reside in Florida, I thought it's time to become better informed.  I've read many articles about all the studies and research done regarding medical marijuana and its uses, but I think I need more than that.  I need the personal touch of having an actual discussion/debate to be able to better weigh its possible benefits.  

I know the opposition still regards marijuana as nothing more than gateway drug and sees it as having no real value to treat any medical condition, but from what I've read lately the majority of the medical community considers medical marijuana as a viable option to treat many health problems. Perhaps, after going down the road of trying various types of narcotic pain killers, having several surgeries and trying alternative methods of pain management (massage therapy, aquatic therapy, internal and external neurostimulators and chiropractors) to help ease my chronic pain and to help improve the quality of my life by making it easier for me to function, I'm more than ready to try something I can benefit from for the long haul! 

Yes, medical marijuana is becoming a hot topic, but I know many people are hesitant to discuss it and whether it should be legal or not, but let's face it, the times they are a changing! For those of you who aren't afraid to speak out, I'd really like to read your opinions on the subject both pro and con.  Do you know anyone who lives in a state where medical marijuana is legal and benefits from its use?  If so, what's the medical condition that it's used to treat?  And if you had one of the many conditions medical marijuana is supposed to help, would you consider using it as a viable treatment rather than taking a man made pharmaceutical with potential harmful side effects or subjecting yourself to repeated surgeries that don't help?  Is medical marijuana just a stoner's ultimate pipe dream or should I look into this treatment if it becomes legal?

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

THE BEAST WITHIN ME

As this year winds down, it's time for me to reflect on the things that affect my life the most.  In the past several years, my health issues have worsened, but I think I've finally gotten to the point of being so sick and tired of being sick and tired that it's time for me to dig down deep and grab whatever stamina I have left and try to save this slowly sinking ship.  2014 has got to be a year of change! Great things have got to happen!

Here's a list of my current health problems:

1. Insulin dependent Type ll Diabetes - uncontrolled, of course!  No doctor in the past 11 years
since I was diagnosed has been able to get my A1C in a normal range.  Trust me, EVERYTHING has been tried and it remains a mystery as to why my diabetes is so tenacious.  I wonder if it might have a genetic factor to it since my paternal grandmother had the same type of tenacity with treating her diabetes.  As an added bonus of my uncontrolled diabetes I developed diabetic neuropathy in my feet.  The burning sensation and stabbing pain is so bad at times it makes me want to cry.  Standing on my feet during these bouts is challenging and very painful.  Recently, I was put on Lyrica and that initially helped with easing the neuropathic pain in my feet and also with the "all over" pain I experience from fibromyalgia I was diagnosed as having about a decade ago.  My other diabetic related health problem is gastroparesis. Gastroparesis is another fun diabetic complication!  Food sits undigested in my stomach for long periods of time due to damaged nerves in my stomach.  It's hard to describe how good food tastes when it goes down and how putrid it is after sitting in my stomach for a day or so.  This condition causes pain in my upper gastric tract.  Needless to say, I eat A LOT of cottage cheese and applesauce which is easy to digest.  I do feel thankful that I haven't developed anything more serious as a result of my uncontrolled diabetes and hope my upcoming endocrinologist appointment will be a start to finding a solution to these problems. 
 
2. Pain - I'm lumping all my various spinal related issues into one large category called "PAIN".   In 2003, I had 2 disks in my neck fused.  At that time, I was told I had the neck of a 94 year old woman and was told I had several things going on with my back and neck.  After that surgery, I swore I'd never have another surgery because the recovery was so difficult.  "Never" lasted 9 years.  By the time I had my second neck surgery, I couldn't raise my head to eye level without it causing my arms to go completely numb.  It was next to impossible to function without the use of my arms and I knew the longer I put off surgery the more permanent the nerve damage was going to be, so it was back to the neurosurgeon to have 2 more disks fused.  From September 2012 to June 2013, a nine month period I had 3 back surgeries.  My neurosurgeon claims there isn't anything else he can do for me, so basically, I'm supposed to just grin and bear it but grinning and bearing it consists of days where I can barely walk or stand up straight due to the intense pain.  I have severe headaches from the muscles in my neck and back tightening and causing horrific muscle spasms, nausea and blurred vision.  I know I need to go get a second opinion, but I'm really afraid to do that.  I keep asking myself what I'm afraid of and I don't know if it's that someone will agree that there's nothing else that can be done for me or if someone will say I need more surgery.  Of course, I see a pain management specialist, but all that means is getting combos of potent narcotics to take.  I so hate doing that, but am forced to take the pain meds when I can't function any other way.  In 2009, I went off ALL my pain meds cold turkey because I wasn't getting the relief from them I should have been getting.  It was insane to keep filling my body with meds that were doing more harm than good.  Withdrawal took about a month of pure hell. Now 4 years later, I'm right back there again and the doctor wants to try me on what I call the "Dear Jesus" patch (Duragesic)  or Methadone because everything else I take or have taken just doesn't work.   I'm not sure how I feel about taking this next step.  I'll mull it over in the next couple of weeks before my next appointment with him and make some sort of decision. 

3.  Autoimmune hepatitis - The 3 most common autoimmune diseases are lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and Crohn's disease.  Apparently my body has decided it doesn't like my liver anymore.  Isn't that special?  Too bad it didn't decide to dislike the fat on my stomach and hips instead!  After having a complete work up (CT of the abdomen, abdominal ultrasound, labwork, etc.) followed by a liver biopsy, my doctor thought it was best that I go to Oschner's Clinic in New Orleans.  It's the closest transplant facility to where I live.  He felt it was a good idea for me to get in their system in case at some future date I need their services.  The following is a short rundown on what an autoimmune disease is if you're not familiar with it.
Our bodies have an immune system, which is a complex network of special cells and organs that defends the body from germs and other foreign invaders. At the core of the immune system is the ability to tell the difference between self and nonself: what's you and what's foreign. A flaw can make the body unable to tell the difference between self and nonself. When this happens, the body makes autoantibodies that attack normal cells by mistake. At the same time special cells called regulatory T cells fail to do their job of keeping the immune system in line. The result is a misguided attack on your own body. This causes the damage we know as autoimmune disease. The body parts that are affected depend on the type of autoimmune disease.
4. Sleep apnea -  Controlled with the use of a CPAP machine. This one I got scared into doing because my O2 stats had dropped to 73% while sleeping (anything under 90% is considered respiratory distress) and I had stopped breathing over 150 times per hour determined by a sleep study, but the good news was that I had also started breathing again over 150 times.  When the doctor reviewed the results of my sleep study, he was amazed that I hadn't had a stroke or a heart attack in my sleep.  That night I started using my CPAP machine and have used it every night since then.  I am a believer!

5. All the other "lesser" stuff - high blood pressure (controlled by meds), high cholesterol (controlled by meds), Vitamin D deficiency (in the process of being controlled by meds), GERD (controlled by meds), chronic insomnia (uncontrolled, but I do take Trazodone and it works sometimes), adult onset asthma (controlled by meds PRN)  I'm sure I've missed something, but quite frankly, my dear...I don't give a damn right now!  I'm off to take a nap because all of a sudden I desperately need one.

Update 2/19/14: I've been on 2 more rounds of 3 months of Vitamin D therapy but my lab values refuse to improve.  I have an appointment with an endocrinologist to address that and my diabetes.  I think I'm falling apart!

6. Depression and anxiety - This is something I've been in denial about for such a long time, but it's the silent, dark horse I ride.  I isolate myself so I don't have to be around people because I don't want them to see me suffer, but isolating myself is the worse thing I can do.  I know depression makes all ailments feel worse, but to treat it means taking more drugs and many of those drugs cause weigh gain and any weight gain makes my diabetes worse.  It's a vicious circle that seems to have no jumping off point.  I no longer know how to help myself.  At this point I don't know if there is any real help.

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

THE PROSTATE AWARENESS BLUES

When I first started blogging back in the Stone Age (2004), I became blogging buddies with many people on MS Spaces.

[Side note]  I wish someone would coin a term for "blogging buddies".  How about calling them "bluddies"?

One bluddy who won my heart through his written words is jockfullonuts or Jnuts as I dubbed him as we discovered we were not only kindred spirits, but also Siamese twins separated at a very young age.  Although this is a repost, I find it just as appropriate for Prostate Cancer Awareness Month 2013 as it was when I first wrote it. 

Here is Jock's rant titled "Footloose and Diaper Free" :
So, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. There was no rectal exam. This was merely a PSA blood test. If my bloodwork comes back elevated, I will worry about the old finger bang at that time. Which is fine, as my 'roids have been acting up lately and the only way someone is going to shove anything up my ass is after they give me a bottle of tequila and they are in possession of a jackhammer.

When asked if I wanted the rectal in addition to the PSA, I politely declined by saying, "only if you buy me dinner and call me daddy." My offer was refused. I DID get a Tootsie Pop and a blue ribbon enameled pin signifying "Prostate Awareness." I was already aware I had a prostate, but I took the pin anyway.



How could I leave that alone? I honestly tried, but the force was strong within him! I answered the call of the wild with my own little twist titled "A Visit To Dr. Pain's Office" but included his delightful and very insightful words on my blog as a lead in for what I wanted to say:
I'd like to take this opportunity and turn a simple medical diagnostic test into a Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus moment. I believe every man I've ever known who has had a prostate exam has described the doctor as having fingers the size of tree limbs and the personality of Marquis de Sade. It's not difficult to picture the doctor coming into the examining room, snapping those latex gloves and telling the patient that the procedure may be a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? How about humiliating? And the poor fool isn't even being offered dinner and a movie to go along with it!

I know medical staff do their best to preserve a person's dignity, but how dignifying can a prostate exam be if you're a male or a Pap smear and mammogram be if you're a female? The majority of people reserve access to the vajayjay, the twins and the Incredible Hulk exclusively for their significant other. Now, here we are with an almost total stranger and we're PAYING them to prod and poke us. Nope, we aren’t in some sleazy motel with a prostitute! We're in an examining room with our doctor!

From a woman's perspective, I'd have to say Pap smears and mammograms are most likely the equivalent to the prostate exam. Guys, you're lucky because prostate exams aren't routinely done until a man reaches middle age. Ladies have to endure the joy of Pap smears and pelvic exams annually from the time they first become sexually active. Mammograms aren't started until later, but are routinely done at an earlier age than when prostate exams are started.

For the men who have never had their significant other complain about the whole female going to the gynecologist ordeal, let me fill you in. We not only get the Pap smear and pelvic exam, but we get a rectal exam also. We also have a breast exam and then are sent to have a mammogram depending on what age we are. What can I really say about having a complete stranger stuff my breasts into a cold metal vice and flattening them to the width of a pancake except, "oh boy! Where can I get one of those gadgets to have at home?" (Okay ladies...are you laughing with me?)

I guess the most difficult part of the whole exam experience is the waiting for the results part. Yep! We feel great! We didn't notice any lumps or any other abnormalities, but you never know! You always hear horror stories about someone who feels great one minute and then finds out they have cancer the next. I'm not a fretter and can only imagine what the wait for test results must be like for someone who worries about every little thing in life. They must drive themselves and everyone around them crazy in that period of time. How does anyone reassure or console someone like that?  Crushed valium sprinkled over ice cream, perhaps?  Or a several shots of their favorite liquid poison?

I have a suggestion for both genders. Guys, do something special for your lady to let her know you're there with her in spirit during this process. It doesn't take much to let someone know you care about them. A nice dinner out? A romantic getaway for both of you? Ladies, the same goes for you. Our guys need support, too (remember they're whiners!). How about tickets to a ballgame, taking him to a movie he wants to see (and you pay for it or it doesn't count) or buying something slinky from Victoria's Secret to wear for him? Just remember it's the thought that counts and doing something small may mean the world to the person you love. Actions always speak louder than words and here's an excellent opportunity to say 'I love you" very loudly!


So there you have it except for the comment our beloved Jock left for me as a response to what I had written:
Leave it to you to take my insipid tale about Nurse Ratched and turn it into something extremely worthwhile. I loved it and agree, except for one thing. Men are whiners? Oh, you must die! I'd come over there and slap you, but my back is killing me because I had to do dishes today. Damn, the pain is so intense from standing there it feels like I'm getting ready to give birth! Oh, and my hands are now all pruny and I think I'm coming down with the flu, because I've been sneezing and have a headache. Although, the headache could be from standing over the sink while steam rising from the water made me dizzy and disoriented. Mommy! I need to take a nap.
 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

FROM THE CATHOUSE

Dwight Cat
born 10/08/1996
No intermission is complete without a picture of one's pets. So after that titillating post about the Red Sox, let me introduce you to the eldest member of my zoo. In 1994, I bought 2 Himalayan kittens, a male, blue point who my sons named Beavis and a female tortie point my husband named Dixie. When they got old enough to breed, the female would have a flame point kitten every other litter. I kept a total of 2 kittens, although I have to admit I wanted to keep them all.  The only thing cuter than a furry little kitten is several furry little kittens. One of the kittens I kept was a seal point named my sons named Chewy and one was a flame point we collectively nicknamed Whitey. The seal point was actually the one who insisted on keeping Whitey.  As time grew closer to sell the kittens, Chewy who was almost a year older than Whitey kept separating Whitey from the rest of the litter.  He would carry him like a mother cat would carry a kitten and he would hide him behind or under furniture or put him in a closet if he found one with an open door.  After he did that enough times, I finally got the message.  Whitey was spared, but my husband wasn't. Chewy insisted that it was the right thing to do, so how did I spell relief? D-I-V-O-R-C-E because Chewy always knew best! lol

Thursday, August 29, 2013

WANDERLUST STRIKES AGAIN

I'm off to kiss the Blarney Stone in a few days and anything else my lips feel like kissing as I mull around Ireland. I'll be back mid-September or so and hopefully, I'll have a tale or two to tell and plenty of great photos to post.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT

And satisfaction brought him back. Curiosity is an odd thing actually and what triggers it in each of us is as different and individual as we are. Whereas some people may thirst for knowledge or the meaning of life, others crave simply to find out intimate details about the people around them. We call their curiosity being nosy. I like to find out what makes people tick. I find human behavior and the human brain fascinating. I always find myself watching people when I’m out in public. When someone has some idiosyncrasy I try my best to find out when it started and why. 

I guess my curiosity is a combination of being nosy and seeking some sort of enlightenment. I’ve known some people who are like a sponge when it comes to reading books. They absorb knowledge and use it as they see fit in their lives. Their constant path is one of betterment and positive change. I believe people absorbing knowledge are attempting to reach self-actualization…the highest or most perfect state of being. So what makes you curious? Do you pursue your curiosity to satisfaction or do allow yourself to remain thirsty?