I think the universe threw me a zinger by sucking me into this no man's land I exist in now. Karma? You betcha! And when karma comes back to a person that the person has sent out into the universe, it usually comes back like the waves of a tsunami. Now, if I had been a smarter individual in my younger years, I would have played by the rules instead of making my own. I would have listened to the sagely advice from my elders. I would have felt like it was okay not to have to experience everything first hand. Instead of marching to the beat of a different drummer, I would have tried to be in sync with my surroundings. I would have found a subtle happiness in peace and harmony instead of flirting with disaster and dancing with chaos every step of the way. I would have had goals and dreams and believed that those goals and dreams were obtainable and not just some pipe dream.

Today, I'm filled with regret for all the time I wasted on the negative things in life. Today, I look at myself in the mirror and feel as though I'm not the person I was meant to be. Today, I wonder how or why I let myself get to a place in life where new beginnings seem like too much effort. Today, I wonder just how much time does it take to change karma and be blessed with a better life or at least one where I know what happiness feels like and I believe that I'm worthy of good things happening. Today, I just want to close my eyes and feel anything but stress, disappointment, anger and regret. All todays too quickly become tomorrows...

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful it's not tomorrow quite yet!

All gibberish within ©2004-2011 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.


  1. You're preaching to the choir. In my case, had I known that family would be responsible for the anger, stress and disappointment I suffer at the moment, I would have moved out of state years ago.

  2. it's time to forgive yourself, my friend. Maybe it's time to come home...back to where it all began. We all get second chances!

  3. well, fuck.

    and you know why.

    thinking of you, mildred. hope you're taking good care of yourself.