Thus far, 2011 has been a miserable year, a transitional year and every now and then, a year filled with promise. I think nothing is more frustrating than to watch others go through major health problems. I say "watch" because as much as we may offer our support to those who may need it most, we don't really know how it feels to have something like breast cancer or to finally become pregnant after 10 years of trying only to have that pregnancy terminated as a medically necessity unless those are things we have experienced firsthand. Nothing we do or say has the power to change the outcome. So in reality we just have to sit back and watch and wait. As I have offered my support where and when needed, what I have found out about myself is that as I've grown older, it's become increasingly more difficult to stand up and be a strong person for others. Where I have jumped in fearlessly in the past, has become more of a dangling my toes in the water for a few minutes before making the plunge process. I have brushed my own tears away so many times that now I wonder where they are. I wonder if we have a finite number of tears and if I've used mine up.

I've asked myself many times why being brave has become so difficult. Why has facing unpleasant, unfair things in life become like torture to me? Is it due to coping with my own health problems and realizing life is really a short, fragile commodity that we all take for granted at times? Is it because I have reached my limit on pain and suffering and I need to now focus on things filled with hope and promise? Is it because we just grow colder as we grow older and too much pain makes us shutdown? Am I just once again being too hard on myself and expect perfection where there never will be?

So, if I allow myself I will turn away from the pain and look towards hope and see new beginnings. I can see struggle turn to gain and new love start to blossom. I can see friends and family meld together and stand up to support all who need it. I can see the promise of second chances and lasting happiness. I can see strong people who have waited and believed that things would get better and now they have... I can see friends who are as much my family even though we are not linked by blood or genetics. I can see anger and frustration dissipate through compassion and understanding. I can see everything come full circle because hope really does spring eternal (if you let it)!

Gratitude statement: My most humble gratitude and thanks goes out to all those people who stand with me and support me daily.

All gibberish within ©2004-2011 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.


  1. I hope things improve; they likely will as everything changes in time.
    We are trained never never ever remove Hope. There is always some hope in something.

  2. Ur-spo, hope really does spring eternal and without it....well, without life is barely worth living.