I’m short, fat, ugly and the fashion police are always trying to bust me. I never smile and I’m a total bitch from hell with a terminal case of PMS. I’m demanding, cynical and judgmental. I’m always right and I have to have the last word… ALWAYS!!! My goal in life is to spread misery and discontent where ever and to whomever I can. Physical contact with me could result in serious frostbite and tissue damage. I have nasty habits and should never be allowed to go out in public or to mate!!! I should be avoided at all costs and only approached with extreme caution under dire circumstances.
LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
Many years ago when I was in search of Mr. Right, I initially sifted through the online personal ads with great hope and fervor. As my optimism waned, I realized that perhaps my perfect match isn't tall, dark and handsome afterall, but someone who is witty, slightly twisted and ready for anything. The following is the final personal ad I wrote and posted online. The response to it was overwhelming and ranged from many serious-minded gentlemen concerned about me having a self-esteem problem to the slapstick funny responses from men thinking my ad was written by their ex-wives. Without a doubt it was a great source of amusement even though I didn’t find Mr. Right. What I did discover were a bunch of people searching for everything from a friend with benefits to a sugar momma to an actual soulmate.