BITCHFEST - PART II

Ex-lovers make good speed bumps.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful that not all people think like I think.

BITCHFEST- PART I

Remember the good old days of telling a joke to a group of friends? And if that joke was funny, you had the privilege of hearing people's laughter. Now, each time I check my email, my inbox is stuffed full of a few things..spam and jokes from the same few people. Okay, spam is something I guess I can remedy fairly easy, but the other is something I really don't understand and find it unnecessary and quite annoying. I would much rather have someone write a few lines ocassionally asking me how I'm doing than to have this daily barrage of jokes I never even open.

If a person feels the overwhelming urge to forward jokes to everyone in their address book, why do they do it by just hitting the FORWARD option? I, for one don't want the whole world to know my email address. The BLIND CARBON COPY (BCC) option seems to be one of the most underused email features there is. Why isn't the rule of thumb for any joke being passed around the internet that if you wouldn't tell the joke out loud to a group of people then it isn't worth passing along in an email? "LOL" just isn't the same thing as actual laughter. Some things just don't have a suitable substitute like manners, good judgment and laughter just to name a few.

Don't get me wrong! I’m all for passing along a FUNNY joke, but most of the jokes I've had the misfortune to open and read only makes me wonder if the sender ever reads what they send before they forward it to their entire contact list. A little screening beforehand might make the recipients of stupid jokes stop wondering what kind of drugs a person would have to take in order to make these jokes appear to be funny. Come on people! Think about those several jokes you forward to everyone daily and then multiply that by 4 or 5 well-meaning friends and acquaintances who obviously have alot time on their hands.

If I read everything that was sent to me each day and passed it on like instructed so I'll have some stroke of good fortune within the next few minutes, show my loyalty as a friend by sending it back to the sender and to show my patriotism or support to some organization by keeping the chain alive, I'd have to give up the few hours I sleep each night. Perhaps there lies my problem...if I spent more time keeping the chains and jokes going instead of trashing them, I'd be a millionaire now. I’d have friends who know I love them and there would be no question as to where my allegiance lies!!!

It sounds ridiculous when I put it like that, doesn't it? I just find it incredible that people actually pass that crap around without ever thinking about what they're doing. Maybe I'm missing some hidden point and if so, I wish someone would explain it to me because I really don't understand why any intelligent person would forward something like that to all their friends when most people find it to be such an annoying practice. Is this just another one of those delicate subjects that people find difficult to discuss with their friends?

You know, like the person who has bad breath or smelly feet and you back up every time they get close to you. You can't believe the person doesn't realize how offensive the odor is and wonder how they can be so blissfully ignorant to something like that. How do you enlighten a person without hurting their feelings? Many times I’ve sent an email to the guilty parties saying things like "I really appreciate being included in the list of people you forward jokes to on a regular basis, but I'd really prefer just to hear how you're doing every now and then instead." Obviously, my email must have been deleted as spam and never opened because the jokes just keep on coming and coming and coming... For good fortune send this to 5 friends in the next 5 minutes!!!

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for my sense of humor because it allows me to know when something is funny or when it's just annoying and not worth a chuckle or two.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Each of us are born, we live our lives and then we die. What makes us different from one another are the journeys we take and the adventures we have. Life is such a precious commodity, yet we seem to take it for granted at times. Many people seem to think there will always be a tomorrow. Tomorrow gives us another chance to make it right and to do all those things we didn't do today. What would happen if each of us spent today as if it were our last? Would we then tell the people we love just how much they mean to us? Would we call that old friend we haven't heard from in ages just to take a trip down memory lane and to laugh about the good old days? Would we take a leap of faith and follow our dreams as they beckon each of us? Would we suddenly see the magic in life?

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for second chances.

FEATURED YOYO

The Final Ride


The act of dying
is like hitch-hiking
into a strange town
late at night
where it is cold
and raining,
and you are alone
again.

Suddenly
all the street lamps
go out
and everything
becomes dark,
so dark
that even the buildings
are afraid
of one another.

by Richard Brautigan (January 30, 1935 – September 14, 1984)

Gratitude statement: I am thankful that I haven't journeyed to this "strange town" yet.

MEDICATION TIME

If giving is more important than receiving, when is the right time to stop thinking about ourselves and our own needs? I'm one of those people who give my 150% in anything I do, but have felt at times my giving nature has set me up to be used. Since I don't know how to be any other way and have no real desire to alter who I am, I'm left with the question of when is enough really enough?

If the strong really will inherit the earth, is it the emotional vampires (people who drain us completely dry) who will reign supreme eventually or will it be the do-gooders and hermits of the world?

I'm tired of my cave, but afraid to meander out amongst the masses for fear of the unknown. The unknown has screwed me over too many times. I feel weak and fragile right now. Sleepy? Yep! You betcha! I had a horrible day yesterday and couldn't unwind enough to close my eyes.

One friend was talking about suicide and another one was ranting and spewing venomous hate and discontent my way. I actually got accused of not knowing what real pain feels like. I was told I didn't know how it feels to lose a parent who was more than just a parent, but also a friend. I was told I didn't know how it feels to lose everything and to have nothing. I was told I don't know what it feels like to love so intensely that mere words cannot come close to describing the feeling. Yes, it was another exhausting session with Buddy!

[Karen, you stupid bitch, pay attention when you're in the presence of greatness, a legend in his own mind and learn to be humble! lol Like that's ever gonna happen in this lifetime!]

Gratitude statement: I'm extremely grateful that while not answering the phone may be morally or ethically wrong...it's not illegal! Self-preservation rules, baby! Thank God, yesterday is over!

FEATURED YOYO

Robert Crumb
Born: August 30, 1943

 
Crumb was a founder of the underground comix movement and is regarded as its most prominent figure. One of his most recognized works is the "Keep on Truckin'" comic, which became widely distributed in the 1970s. Others Crumb characters are Devil Girl, Fritz the Cat, and Mr. Natural. The first issue of Zap Comix was published in San Francisco in early 1968 and featured the work of satirical cartoonist Robert Crumb.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful that when I tuned in, turned on and dropped out, I was in good company.

THE SUMMER OF LOVE

The summer of bible camp was "the summer of love" (1967). How ironic I thought, while others everywhere were tuning in, turning on and dropping out, I was trying to understand basic human nature and to find out if God really does exist. From a child's perspective, I grew up thinking if the people who claim they love me and want to protect me will hurt me, then what will the rest of the world do to me? The funny thing about it is that I've gone through life waiting and wanting someone to prove me wrong. My logic says since people are human and humans are flawed, anyone is bound to hurt/disappoint someone else, but on a deeper level (one still filled with idealism and good things that can't be destroyed by this cesspool called life) I choose to hold onto the belief that love is a good thing and in many situations is the only thing that keeps us afloat.

After that summer when I fell short of receiving God's grace, I turned to trying to understand evil instead. When the Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey was hot off the presses, I purchased one and read it from cover to cover hoping for a lightbulb moment. Needless to say, it was just another book filled with words written by man and it didn't explain the great mysteries of life any more than The Bible had. My spiritual journey I suppose some would say was corrupted by my inability to believe what I couldn't see. Instead of blindly believing I questioned instead. If God loved us so much then why does bad things happen to good people? Where are the miracles? Why are there wars, fathom and disease? No one seemed to be able to adequately answer these things through the verses they would throw my way. I needed more than words on a page to swallow anything I was told about God.

Eventually my salvation was found in my experimentation with drugs. As that experimentation deepened, I found certain drugs had a numbing effect. That feeling was one my whole body craved.... especially my emotions. Nothing bothered me as long as I stayed high, so by the age of 14 I stayed high all the time. I could easily sit back and blame my choices on my genetic background. I'm sure the long line of alcoholism that runs on both sides of my family would be enough of reason to say I didn't stand a chance not to be a substance abuser, yet somehow I know that's not why I changed the path I had walked as a small child. You see, I actively sought out finding something that would make me numb. It took me many years to realize that without drugs I would have been a much uglier statistic. I chose drugs. They didn't choose me.

Looking back on it, I call the next 16 years of my life "my leap of faith". They say God looks out for fools and drunks, but I think He/She has a special fondness for all addicts. Addictions, whatever they may be, cause an emotional bankruptcy in the person. No love is greater than that of a person and their drug of choice. When I say "drug", I include food, sex, gambling, shopping, work or whatever it is a person uses to escape. All other things in life come second regardless of what we tell ourselves or everyone else. That moment, at the climax when nothing else matters, I found freedom from pain and a facade that made me think nothing could hurt me again. Many years later, when the truth stared me in the face daring me to look elsewhere, I realized the truth would set me free.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for the fleeting moments of the truth I see.

THE END OF INNOCENCE

For a friend and for anyone who heard the drumming...



Gratitude statement: I'm grateful to have lived in a time that was very different than today's world.

MEDICATION TIME

I'm in pain and I'm scared.

Gratitude statement: In some twisted way, I'm thankful for the pain because it makes me know I'm still alive.

CREATURES OF HABIT

Long ago (and far away) I programmed myself to require "background noise" in order to fall asleep. Yes, I actually do sleep for short periods of time occasionally. If I fall asleep while watching television and someone turns the television off, I immediately wake up. Silence boggles my brain! Years ago, reading a book was like a sleeping pill for me, but now I can't read. Books are purchased and piled on my nightstand with the first page reread about a thousand times before I give up. WTF! I used to be an avid reader and now, I enjoy nothing.

Is that the depression stripping me of all pleasure? Does depression affect comprehension and our ability to retain what we read? I think I have come to know what adult ADD (attention deficit disorder) feels like. When I have the strength and stamina, I start one thing and before long I find myself doing some entirely unrelated task without finishing the first. Round and round I go until finally I come back to the first task and finish it.

This cycle used to happen quickly, but these days some tasks take months or years to complete. Procrastination? Not really! It's my distractibility that keeps me unfocused and unable to stay on task. Perhaps, I've always been this way, but unable to see it until I got depressed and started slowing down and really examining myself.

Gratitude statement: I'm grateful for the hundreds of television stations I have to choose from late at night.