Thursday, October 18, 2018

The Cankle Queen Confession

Supposedly, the more I use my foot, the more it will swell.  To find out if that was the truth, I avoided walking yesterday and only got up to use the bathroom. Like a werewolf, I transformed into The Amazing Cankle Queen by the time the Sandman came to visit me.

Besides having toes like Vienna sausages, my skin felt like it was being stretched past its capacity. I couldn't move my toes or bend my ankle. After having a blood clot ruled out a few weeks ago, the cause, I'm told, is severe arthritis in my right foot. Isn't that special?

I really don't mind getting older. The white hair and wrinkles are nothing.  Everyone gets wrinkles plus sagging in places that no one thought could sag, so what's the big deal? I've never been vain, so the whole loosing my outer beauty is like a walk in the park. What I do mind is what happens inside an aging body. I mind the constant pain and the realization that it will only get worse as I get older. I mind being told to grin and bear it or to just accept that I'm no longer 30. Those aren't the things Wonder Woman wants to hear.  I mind the anxiety over struggling to maintain my blood sugar. I mind the insomnia I've had most of my adult life. I mind asking for help and yes, I mind the shitty attitude I have when I hurt so badly that I want to cry. I mind the cruel transformation that took me from being a social butterfly to being a broken down bitchy troglodyte.

Oh well! Tomorrow's another day and with that comes the hope that compression fracture I have in my lower back that I reaggravated a few weeks ago by falling yet again will start feeling better. With tomorrow comes the hope I'll have the courage to pick up the phone and make an appointment to ask my primary care doctor to refer me to a orthopedic doctor to look at my foot and to refer me to another neurosurgeon who isn't an asshole. I can tolerate a lot, but I have such a low tolerance for assholes and I certainly don't want one to perform surgery on my spine that could possibly lead to nerve damage. Yes, tomorrow is another glorious day in the neighborhood! Tomorrow I will awake and smile because things could be much, much worse.

As Nurse Ratched so eloquently says, "It's medication time!" and then, hopefully a deep, peaceful sleep will follow.

I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity

Monday, October 15, 2018


Coming home from picking up a prescription tonight I saw this in my neighborhood. I think someone has absolutely lost their mind.

These are NOT Halloween decorations! If you look carefully you'll see more decoration on the fence they don't have turned on yet. I think this must be a work in progress. What I should have done was gotten out of the car and started singing Christmas carols. Perhaps if I could sing, I would have done exactly that.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Mother Nature Can Be A Real Bitch

I always joke around and say I live on the Redneck Riviera, but for anyone who has never visited this part of Florida let me give you a better picture of what it's like. First, we boast having the world's whitest beaches. PERIOD! From Pensacola to Apalachicola life consists of a variety of paces from slow to slower within each quaint community. Most of the beaches aren't wall to wall people unless that's what you're into and then there's spots that cater to that sort of thing. Just ask anyone where spring breakers go and they'll point you to some crowds or ask where the hot spots are for vacationing. On the other hand, there's some beaches along the Redneck Riviera you can walk for miles and never see another person. That's serenity at its finest...sun, surf and the sweet smell of the Gulf of Mexico.

The further East you go, the small communities that are tucked in between the larger ones are nothing more than spectacular. One such community owns a large part of my heart. When I was 30, I moved to Port St Joe, Florida and then moved to St. Joe Beach soon after and worked at the Driftwood Inn on Mexico Beach. It was the only motel I had ever seen that didn't have phones in the rooms. At first, I didn't get it, but then slowly as I saw the stressed out businessmen and their families come to Mexico Beach and leave ready to go back to work, I finally got it. Not long after I started working at the Driftwood, I worked my way into the position of general manager. It was then, I really saw how much people really appreciated the solitude of Mexico Beach. It always surprised me at how generous so many of the people were upon checking out. Those people would always thank me and give me a tip for making their stay at the Driftwood exactly what they needed.

Long after I moved back to Pensacola, the Driftwood and Mexico Beach continued to grow, yet it never lost its quaintness. No high rises, no fast food restaurants, no large grocery store chains and no fact, to get all of that you had to drive about 20 miles into Panama City to the west or about 15 miles into Port Saint Joe to the East (as far as I know St. Joe still doesn't have a Walmart). At the time I lived there, the only convenience store was on St Joe Beach.  I'm fairly certain over the years it hasn't change too much. The community is largely an "artsy" place to live and features annual art, wine and photography festivals. A large part of what has shaped Mexico Beach are the Wood family, owners of the Driftwood Inn who are very accomplished artists in their own right.

It makes me sick every time I think of the destruction Hurricane Michael unleashed upon an area of the world with such pristine beaches. My heart goes out to anyone who lost their home and/or business. I hope each person has the courage to rebuild and come together as a community to restore the Pre-Hurricane Michael tranquility and well-being they had just a few days ago.

I'd like to share pictures of Florida's Northern Gulf Coast that I know and love starting with Pensacola Beach and ending with Apalachicola.

Pensacola Beach, Florida

Fort Walton Beach/Destin, Florida

Panama City Beach, Florida

Mexico Beach, Florida

Port St, Joe/Cape San Blas/Indian Pass, Florida

Apalachicola and St. George Island

Mexico Beach, Florida after Hurricane Michael