Besides having toes like Vienna sausages, my skin felt like it was being stretched past its capacity. I couldn't move my toes or bend my ankle. After having a blood clot ruled out a few weeks ago, the cause, I'm told, is severe arthritis in my right foot. Isn't that special?
I really don't mind getting older. The white hair and wrinkles are nothing. Everyone gets wrinkles plus sagging in places that no one thought could sag, so what's the big deal? I've never been vain, so the whole loosing my outer beauty is like a walk in the park. What I do mind is what happens inside an aging body. I mind the constant pain and the realization that it will only get worse as I get older. I mind being told to grin and bear it or to just accept that I'm no longer 30. Those aren't the things Wonder Woman wants to hear. I mind the anxiety over struggling to maintain my blood sugar. I mind the insomnia I've had most of my adult life. I mind asking for help and yes, I mind the shitty attitude I have when I hurt so badly that I want to cry. I mind the cruel transformation that took me from being a social butterfly to being a broken down bitchy troglodyte.
Oh well! Tomorrow's another day and with that comes the hope that compression fracture I have in my lower back that I reaggravated a few weeks ago by falling yet again will start feeling better. With tomorrow comes the hope I'll have the courage to pick up the phone and make an appointment to ask my primary care doctor to refer me to a orthopedic doctor to look at my foot and to refer me to another neurosurgeon who isn't an asshole. I can tolerate a lot, but I have such a low tolerance for assholes and I certainly don't want one to perform surgery on my spine that could possibly lead to nerve damage. Yes, tomorrow is another glorious day in the neighborhood! Tomorrow I will awake and smile because things could be much, much worse.
As Nurse Ratched so eloquently says, "It's medication time!" and then, hopefully a deep, peaceful sleep will follow.