Wednesday, August 05, 2020

To The Heartless, Brainless Bastard In The White House

I don't have any school-age children or grandchildren. For this I am thankful. This is Florida's reopening policy: Do you know what your state, city, county or country's school reopening policy is?

This is mine:

School reopening policy: In-person
On July 6, the Florida Department of Education ordered that all public and charter schools must physically open for at least five days per week for all students beginning in August.
The department has released a number of mitigation strategies for schools to use to help combat the spread of COVID-19, including practicing social distancing whenever possible and disinfecting high-traffic surfaces regularly. The use of face masks in schools is not mandated, though the guidelines state that “schools should be supportive of students, teachers and staff who voluntarily wear cloth face coverings.”

First, I can't believe they're sending children back to school. Second, I can not believe that they are sending children back to school without a mask mandate. Florida is already a hotspot. Do they really think that the coronavirus isn't going to be completely spread throughout the school system just like anything else that gets passed around when kids get it? I am just flabbergasted by the ignorance of the Republican leadership in Florida and everywhere else... How are they going to socially distance children on school buses and other places? Classrooms are already overcrowded. What about the cafeteria? This has got to be a nightmare for the teachers. My heart goes out to them.

When are people going to start taking this seriously? I realize that most people that get this virus recover, but most people don't have co-morbidities. Oh yeah! That's right! It is what it is! I have diabetes and a few other things that put me at a high risk. My mother is 92, so that puts her at a high risk. I'm not quite ready to give my life or my mother's life because some ignoramus chooses not to wear a mask and spew germs in my face. What the hell is wrong with people? It's not like they're being asked to do something distasteful or difficult. They  just don't have a role model who wants to lead them and do the right thing. Instead they have an idiot who doesn't like wearing a mask because he thinks he doesn't look good in one. Grow up, grow a set of balls and be an actual leader for once! I just don't understand it. I can't wrap my head around the thinking process that goes into being like that. All I know is that kind of thinking is why this country is why we are in the shape we are in today. We have a president with an IQ of a barely functional moron and the morals of an alley cat.

He just does not understand science, but thinks he's an expert about everything. Just ask him! He has no filter whatsoever on that flap he calls his mouth. The explosion yesterday is a great example. No one reported anything about an attack, yet he gets on television and runs his mouth about it being an attack. The medical experts say one thing about the virus, yet he chooses to listen to some quack who talks about demon sperm that impregnates you in your sleep. Oh, come on! Is he really that lame? Yes, Mildred! He really is that lame! He's one step up from a drooling idiot. And the scary part is that he's running this country! People! People! People! We need to get him out of here. Four years has been way too long of this nonsense. It's been one scandal after another. One high crime after another! My head is spinning and I'm on overload. I just want someone to go in there and do their job. For Christ Sake! What is the problem? Is everyone braindead? Is everyone on permanent vacation?

I know the government is a slow moving cog.  I know it's not perfect, but this has been a fucking
nightmare.  Every time he talks I want to scream and tear my hair out. I want to slam my head into a brick wall. Donald Trump, just shut the fuck up and go away. Stop trying to divide people. Stop your race baiting and your nasty, juvenile games. Stop lying! Stop cheating! Just go away! This is NOT a reality show, you stupid bastard. Never in my life have I ever seen the type of evil and the amount of injustices perpetrated against a whole society as the ones you have orchestrated against the people of this nation who you have sworn to protect and defend. What a joke that oath of office was! You are a coward and a liar, MR. PRESIDENT and I, for one will cheer on January 20, 2021 when a new president is sworn into office! In fact, I'll dance the jig and sing a song.  HAIL TO THE CHIEF (and it won't be you.)

It Is What It Is

Everything Is Bigger In Texas

Monday, August 03, 2020

Scattered Thoughts

One of my favorite reading materials while in the "*library/reading room" is the Reader's Digest. This morning I found an editorial that stood out to me.

A Crash Course In Commencement Speeches
As someone who worked at a university for 20 years, I find it appalling that a celebrity should demand $100,000 to give a ten minute speech in front of a group that may never be able to pay off student loans. Also, shame on schools for paying those amounts, especially when they raise tuition every year.
-Robert Austin
Baltimore, Maryland

Of my three adult children, two of them are still paying off student loans. For anyone who chooses to go to college, being saddled with a mountain of debt usually comes with it unless a person comes from a wealthy family or is fortunate enough to have some other avenue of paying for tuition, books and other expenses while attending college. The days of merely working your way through college seem to have disappeared or if it does still exist people are guarding it as a state secret.

This may be getting off subject, but I think back to when my niece was looking into colleges. She applied to some of the top colleges in the country. She was accepted at Princeton and really wanted to go there, yet her school guidance counselor talked her into staying in the state of Maine and going there. WTF? She graduated with the 3rd highest GPA in the state of Maine and she didn't go to Princeton? Who does that?

Her counselor felt too many young people leave Maine and that's true because there's so little there for them after they graduate. Maine isn't a wealthy state by any means. Its nickname is "Vacationland" because for about 5 months it's absolutely perfect minus the black flies (the Maine state bird) and a few other irritants here and there. Do tourists count as an irritant? Ha! Don't ask a *Mainiac that!

*a person born in Maine

I suppose her counselor was doing what she thought was the right thing to do and looking at my niece now who has a family, yes, the counselor did the right thing because Maine is a great place to raise a family.  But at the time...Princeton? Geez! So where was she talked into going? You probably wouldn't have ever heard of the college, yet it’s a very prestigious school. Bates College famous alumni include Robert Frost, Robert Kennedy, Bryant Gumbel, David Hasselhoff, Olympia Snowe, Edmund Muskie, Minoru Yamasaki (designer of the first World Trade Center) and William Henry Vanderbilt III just to name a few.  The last time I checked it costs more to go to Bates than it does to go to Harvard. I guess as with anything it isn't how much it costs, it's what you do with it after you finish. My niece has a wonderful career and a wonderful family, yet she opted to stay in Maine. I applaud her for doing that.

Now, to come full circle to those celebrities who demand outrageous speaking fees at commencement ceremonies. I can't help but feel how out of touch they are with the rest of the world. Some have no idea how the common person lives or if they did start with humble beginnings, they've forgotten those roots along the way. I applaud people like Sean Penn who get in the trenches and work with the people.  As of late, Penn has been giving free COVID-19 tests in the U.S. amid the COVID-19 pandemic. People like him try to help in a crisis. Look at President Carter and his wife, Rosalyn. President Carter is 95. Rosalyn is 92. Since 1984, they have partnered with Habitat for Humanity to build, repair or renovate nearly 4,300 homes for people in need across the globe.

I'm all over the place today, aren't I? I guess the old ADHD is kicking in and I can't focus. So that means I had better get dressed and go outside and get right with the birds and my plants. I've got mulch to spread and landscape timbers to put down and drill. I need to go to the nursery and see if they have their fall plants in yet. Yesterday I ordered a TON of spring bulbs that'll be here later in the fall.  I have my eye on a red crepe myrtle at Lowe's and a pink hibiscus. I have just about every other color, but I don't have pink. I have a list of roses I need to order this winter. I want to order the award-winning rose for the year each one of my children were born and then I have a list of others I like. I love roses. I guess I won't have much yard left once I'm done, but that's okay. There'll be less grass to mow, but more plants to fertilize and weed. Six of one. Half a dozen of another. Work is work and off I go!

Saturday, August 01, 2020

To Breathe or Not To Breathe

For those of you who may be on the fence about using a CPAP machine for sleep apnea, I, too struggled for an exceptionally long time knowing I needed to use my machine. It's not an easy task and I attempted it several times with no success because I looked at it as being intrusive instead of being helpful and necessary.

I was originally diagnosed with sleep apnea about 2002, but I never made myself use the CPAP I got. At that time, my insurance company didn't consider the humidifier part of the device as being necessary. Try using a CPAP without it. I would wake up after just a few hours and my nasal passage and throat felt like it was on fire. I discussed this with my doctor and the only suggestion she had was for me to coat the inside of my nose with KY jelly each night. I know it sounds gross, but I tried what the doctor suggested. I had the same reaction plus I had dried KY jelly flakes all over the inside of my nose which made me look like I had some dreadful disease. It was a wonderful picture and a joy to try to clean out each morning before work! Shortly thereafter I finally gave up trying to use the machine until about 2012 when my health was going downhill fast. My diabetes had gotten totally out of control. I was tired all the time throughout the day, I wasn't sleeping well at night and I was having trouble concentrating during the day. It was as if I was living in a fog all the time.

When I did sleep throughout the night, I would wake up struggling to breathe. Then in 2012, I received a new CPAP machine which I knew I needed to use. No more lame excuses! My latest sleep study revealed I stopped breathing 55.9 times per hour with apnea-related episodes. Wow! That meant I stopped breathing almost once every minute. That number kept resonating in my head repeatedly. My lowest oxygen level was 73%. Normal levels should be 95-100%.  Anything below 90% is considered being in respiratory distress. My doctor was amazed that I hadn't had a heart attack or a stroke in my sleep. He also was amazed that I could function during the day after having been deprived of oxygen all night long night after night. Is "functioning" what this is called? If he only knew how much I was struggling just to put one foot in front of the other!

When I received my new CPAP machine, I used the machine that night and every night since then...NO MORE EXCUSES! Those stats scared me enough to make me realize that I was asking for trouble and it wasn't the kind of trouble I wanted. Yes, this CPAP is equipped with a humidifier so it works without making my nasal passages feel like they're on fire.  I selected a mask that felt comfortable to me to wear.  I knew that was important. This machine isn't loud so it doesn't sound like a jack hammer next to my head. When I put the mask on that first night I actually told myself OUT LOUD that I was going to wear the mask ALL night long and that I wasn't going to take it off unless I has to get up to use the bathroom. When I woke up the next morning, my mask was still on and I felt like I had accomplished an amazing feat. It wasn't long before I noticed I started feeling better.  I had more energy and I wasn't tired all the time. From there on out whenever I would lay down whether it was to take a nap during the day or to watch television in the evening in my bedroom, I would put my CPAP on just in case I would fall asleep.

The moral of this story is if you're diagnosed with sleep apnea, take it seriously. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself get used to using your machine. And most important, be compliant and use your machine faithfully.  Sleep apnea does kill people. Don't be stupid and be one of those people who turn into a statistic.

Yes, I have a dog that does this to me. It's such a wonderful way to wake up from a sound sleep! She usually sleeps in her dog bed or upstairs with my son, but when she's gassy she likes to sleep on the floor next to my night stand and well, if you've ever had the pleasure of smelling a dog fart, then you can only imagine what one funneled directly into your nose while you're sound asleep would be like. I jump up using some really bad language and Libby heads upstairs quickly and then turns around at the top of the stairs and looks at me like as if to say, "you need to chill out, lady!"

Friday, July 31, 2020

Age Is Just A Number

Yesterday we watched Cristana Ramos, a 37 year old opera singer transform before our eyes and rock the house while she took us on a trip down that Highway To Hell. Today, we will watch Jenny Darren, a 68 year old retiree show us that age is just a number!

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

The Farewell Speech

Do you think Trump's farewell speech will be as heartfelt as the one Obama gave us? Do you think Trump will mention his wife and children and all they mean to him? Do you see us, the grateful nation sitting teary-eyed listening to Trump as he says his farewell to us and us longing for more of his unique leadership style and compassion for all mankind?

Color me jaded, but all I see is a person who will in all probability have to be drug kicking and screaming from the White House after he is LEGALLY defeated.

This is how THE VERY STABLE GENIUS stacks up against other presidents. His White House doctors say he's physically fit and healthy. Seriously? I wonder where those doctors went to medical school. It makes me wonder if anything that has come out of this administration has been truthful. Is EVERYTHING fake? Is EVERYTHING a lie? In reality, I wonder how his mental fitness would stack up against the others. That made me chuckle. I know the younger George Bush was only an average student at Yale. While I am confident the others would blow him out of the water in a match up of intelligence. I hate to admit this, but any of them would blow him out of the water in a match up of just about anything except lying because he does that every time he opens his mouth so he gets a lot of practice at it.  And we all know practice makes perfect and if there is one thing Trump is and that's perfect. Just ask him! He'll tell you!

I always thought G.W. was stupid, but Trump far surpasses that. I don't even know a word for surpassing stupid. What do you get when you trump Trump? You get a nation in peril. You get a ship sinking fast. You get a one hell of an economic recession.  You get a pandemic without any real federal guidelines or leadership. You get what we've had for the past four years. The rise and fall of the United States of America. You get a president who only wants to take responsibility for any successes, but not for any failures. You have a president who divides a nation by constantly pointing his finger and assigning blame.  You have a president who whose major strategy is juvenile name-calling and bullying. You have a president who thinks he is above the law, who doesn't understand the Constitution he swore he would uphold and defend and who forms alliances with foreign dictators while shunning our allies and friends.  You have a president rife with scandals and lawsuits. You have a president who seems more concerned with his social media image and television ratings than he is with the nation's well-being.

Of course, his base thinks he's perfect and he's the greatest president of all time, but history will not remember him that way. History will see a man who broke the law, cheated the nation he swore to defend and protect. History will unveil a man who didn't know the first thing about running this great nation. He made us into a joke and weakened us. Other world leaders no longer respect or trust us. So to THE VERY STABLE
GENIUS I'd like to say thank you very much for your service. Now, please step aside and let someone who does know how to run this country do the job. Oh and by the way, stay off Twitter. People have had their fill of your garbage. Can't Twitter just shut down his account and block him? It would be the kind thing to do. He's going to be such a pain in the ass after the election. I just want him to fade away PERMANENTLY!

Wouldn't the world be a much nicer place if we didn't have to hear Donald Trump weigh in on anything ever again?  Hey guys, it's time to trump Trump! Let's dump Trump. The BLUE TSUNAMI can and will silence the Republican party. We just need to get out the vote!

Sunday, July 26, 2020

A Crack In My Wheel Barrow

The birds were squawking at me as soon as I let the dogs out at 6am. They wanted to be fed. That meant I needed to go get 60lbs of bird seed out of the trunk of my car. I debated whether or not to go get dressed first because it had rained in the night and trudging through the wet grass and cleaning out the feeders would probably get messy. But I opted to stay as is and get wet. Getting wet is always fun. Right?

Part way through the task, two of my dogs wanted to go back in the house because they do not like the humidity. The other dog seems resistant to the presence of humidity and will stay outside all day with me.  He's my little helper! It's a shame I can't teach him how to prune shrubbery and do other outside tasks. We have detailed conversations about the plants, the birds and other happenings in the yard. After finishing up with the birds, I decided I'm going to start working on my next rock statue. In order to do this, I need to make a trip to Lowe's to purchase a new wheel barrow. My old one has had a nervous breakdown. It's been fixed so many times, it's gotten way beyond repair and can't haul heavy rocks in it. I could carry them, but I'd rather save my back and let a wheel barrow do the work.

I went in the house to clean up a bit and to ask my son to accompany me to Lowe's.  I knew which wheel barrow I wanted so the trip would be a short one. They have them lined up right outside the front of the store so all I needed to do is go inside and pay for one and a clerk will come out and unlock the chain and I can get my wheelbarrow and we can go. When we first got there, we looked at the wheel barrow I wanted and we discussed whether or not we thought it would fit in the car. We both thought it would, so off we went to purchase it. The line wasn't too brutal...everyone was wearing masks. The sun was out and Sunday looked like it was going to be a wonderful day.

I finally get up to the register, I pay for the wheel barrow, the clerk meets us outside and we can't get it in the car. Nope! It's not going to fit anyway we try it. I asked my son to go inside to see if they have one unassembled we can bring home and put together ourselves. While he's inside I'm standing there looking at the wheel barrow and this gentleman walks over to me and asks me if I need help putting the wheel barrow in my car. I look up at him and I almost fell over. There before me is this tall, handsome older man with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I smiled at him and told him that my son and I had already tried numerous ways to get it in the car and it wouldn't fit. He asked me how far I lived from Lowe's. I told him that I only lived about 5 minutes away. He then offered the use of his truck if we trusted him. He said we could take a photo of his tag on his truck. I couldn't believe that people still helped one another out like that. He almost renewed my faith in humanity just in that small gesture of kindness.

Okay now, that I have your attention! All that really did happen except it wasn't a tall, good-looking older gentlemen who came over to me. In my dreams!!! SIGH!!! It was a couple and they were so nice. I really was amazed at their generosity. They put my wheel barrow on the back of their truck and brought it to my house. My son tried to pay them, but they refused. To pay it forward, we figured we would find some charity and donate some money to it. I think I'd like to donate to an animal charity. Maybe I'll ask my vet when I bring my Shih Tzu for blood work this week if they know of a local rescue place or something that needs a donation. I just hate giving money to places that don't use the money for the cause.

Anyway, so as soon as we get the wheel barrow unloaded, we load it up with the rocks I'm going to use for my statue and take the load to the spot in the backyard I want to build the statue. Then we go get the other load. In the process of doing this I find a two huge colonies of fire ants. I had my yard treated about 3 weeks ago for fire ants and it's supposed to be good for one year. I make a mental note to call Florida Pest Control in the morning and get them back out here.  After all, the treatment was rather pricey and it's guaranteed for one year. The wheel barrow I chose was one of those wheel barrows with two wheels and the bed is made of some kind of hard durable plastic.  I figured for what I would be using it for in my yard it would be fine. Oh Mildred, you need to just stop thinking and when you do think, do the complete opposite.

My son started tossing the rocks (some of them are really large) into the wheel barrow before I could tell him to take it easy that it isn't made of metal. The next thing I know the base of the wheel barrow had a large crack in it. Oops! I ended up having to call Lowe's and had to set up a date to have them come pick up this wheel barrow and have them issue me a refund, then I had to buy a new wheel barrow that is made of metal and pay a hefty delivery fee that is as much as what the wheel barrow costs. So when they come to pick up the the "old" wheel barrow, they'll bring me my new wheel barrow and all this is supposed to happen on the 30th.

Hallelujah! I'm having a Wheel Barrow Party on the 30th. I'm going to get drunk and sleep in my new wheel barrow or better yet, I'm going to get stoned and sleep in my new wheel barrow.  Or maybe I'll get drunk and stoned and maybe some tall, handsome older gentleman will wheel me off somewhere...but, ONLY if he has a toolbelt and a truck and he knows how to use his tools! The S.O.B. better know how to use his tools or else he's outta here... Mildred isn't fooling around!

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Covid-45 Update

As of today the United States has:

4,186,329 cases
2,782,272 Active cases
1,256,407 Recovered cases
147,650 Deaths

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Am I Dreaming?

I'm sitting here trying to gather my thoughts, but my brain feels constipated. Words are there, but they're jumbled and they seem stuck in the unholy bowels of life's battle fatigue. Is this all just a bad dream?

Am I going to wake up and find out Hillary Clinton is President and not that orange imbecile Trumplethinskin who has made a mockery of his position of honor and power? Am I going to wake up and the mountain of the corruption and scandals haven't really happened? Have they vanished in thin air like we were told the virus would vanish? Am I going to wake up and magically there is no pandemic? Am I going to wake up and the last 4 years haven't happened? Hallelujah! Am I going to open my eyes and feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief and when my feet hit the floor, I don't have a stack of homemade masks staring at me?  Am I going to be able to go outside without the fear of catching something that might kill me or my 92-year-old mother? Please someone tell me it's time to wake up!

Today, I really do feel like I have battle fatigue. I'm actually afraid for our country. I don't know why today is any different than any other day. I usually am pretty fearless. I usually have that Wonder Woman thing going on and tend to lean on the side of optimism. It feels better that way.

Nothing devastating happened to me. However, I got this application from the Supervisor of Elections in Escambia County Florida to have a ballot mailed to me so I can vote by mail in the General Election on November 3rd. I've never voted by mail before and I honestly don't know what to do. Do I play it safe and vote by mail or do I do as I've always done and vote in person?

I remember in year's past, just as soon as my children were old enough to vote I made sure they voted. In fact, we would go as a family and vote. We called it a "family outing." Now, our family outing consists of my 92-year-old mother, my youngest son, Matthew and me. The rest of the family lives in other voting districts. Currently, I must think of my mother's safety first due to her age and since we live in Florida...well, you know the drill! Florida seems to be one of the virus hotspots because our dear Republican governor thought opening the beaches and everything else was a great idea. What I hope is a great idea in the future is that when he's up for reelection in 2022 that someone else gets his job. Right now, I have my own safety to think of due to my own medical issues and from what MEDICAL EXPERTS say it doesn't look very promising for either my mother or me if we get the coronavirus. So, my dear Governor Ronald DeSantis, you can go fuck yourself and every Republican politician that thinks as you do! 

Friday, July 17, 2020

A Night To Remember

Lynne and I stuck our thumbs out to hitch a ride home. We had a small walk-up flat on the fifth floor located on Commonwealth Avenue several buildings up from the Public Gardens in Boston. We'd been at the Sizzleboard in Kenmore Square just to hangout for a while. The first time I ever walked in the Sizzleboard and saw Panama Red and Acapulco Gold listed as two flavors on their ice cream menu I knew Boston was where I belonged. No, they didn't have marijuana in their ice cream. They just borrowed various names of marijuana to put on the menu as flavors. To say it was a popular idea was an understatement. After all Boston and vicinity is a huge college city and so was marijuana in 1971.

Ordinarily, we might walk home, but it had just started to snow. You know, it was that kind of huge, lacy snowflakes that stick to your eyelashes and the end of your nose before melting. A VW "bug" pulled over and we quickly got in the back. It wasn't until that moment that our real adventure of the evening began. Immediately both of us were handed a thin piece of rope and were told to pull them back and forth. Sure thing! We did as instructed and lo and behold the windshield wipers worked and kept the flourishing accumulation of snow off the windshield.

It seems we weren't in the car more than a minute before a joint was lit. The next thing I know we were pulling up in front of their place to do "a little partying," but I had no idea where we were because I hadn't paid attention to where the driver had taken us.  Lynne gave me the nod to let me know that it was cool, so we all piled out of the car and went upstairs to their apartment. Their living room was all the way in the back of the building. Lynne and I settled into spots next to each other on the floor in front of a homemade chunky wooden coffee table adorned with a large bowl of Fritos corn chips and various drug paraphernalia. I had the munchies so I immediately started eating the Fritos and one guy lit a joint and started passing it around while the other guy put some music on the stereo.

Yes, I was only 15, but I was already very well-versed in drugs by that age. I knew my way around as well as someone much older than me so when I started noticing that I was much higher than I should be I got a little concerned. At first, I didn't do anything, but sit back and observe what was going on around me to see if I could make any sense out of the situation. The two guys seemed to be talking in a language I didn't understand. No, it wasn't a foreign language. It was one I'd never heard before. It was a non-sensical one. One that only they understood, but as I looked at Lynne, she didn't seem concerned at all by this so I assumed this was just me. This was just in my mind. Oh goodie! I'm fucked up and don't know why!  Then all my senses seemed to fade away into a psychedelic haze. Was I tripping? Wait a minute! All I had done was smoke a little dope. How could I be tripping? Everyone else seemed fine. This just didn't make any sense to me.

At this point I stood up and asked if I could use their bathroom. Lynne seemed to sense something was wrong so she tagged along with me. As soon as we were out of ear shot, she started quizzing me about what was going on. I'm not one who is prone to paranoia, but in this case, it started to rear its ugly head. All I could think of was getting the hell out of Dodge. I told her what was going on and that I needed to leave. NOW! She went back in and grabbed our jackets and we immediately left.

The cold winter air had a momentary sobering effect on both of us and then holy shit! We realized neither of us knew where the hell we were. Boston is a big place and generally, we knew our way around, but it was the middle of the night by then and we were both high as hell so we had to take a moment to regroup. We usually used the Prudential Building as a beacon or landmark because it was the tallest building and we always seemed to be able to see it wherever we were. But it wasn't anywhere in sight. Where the hell were we? Why hadn't we paid attention to where these guys took us?

As we walked and talked, I told Lynne how I felt and as best I could figure I was the only one of the four who ate any of the Fritos. They had to have been laced with some hallucinogenic drug. What a cheap trick to pick up two females and try to drug them. I wonder what else they planned for us that night. I'm so glad we got out of there when we did.

As we walked I didn't want to walk too close to the buildings and the alleyways because I was afraid of being grabbed so I walked close to the street and Lynne didn't want to walk close to the street because she was afraid of being grabbed by someone in a car even though there wasn't any traffic. And she wasn't high like I was. Weren't we a pair? The longer we walked the worse I got and nothing looked familiar. Lynne kept assuring me she knew where she was, but I knew she was lying to me. I knew she was just trying to make me feel better because I was right on the verge on losing it. We came upon a car repair garage named Hampden Automotive Repairs and we both stopped dead in our tracks. My eyes filled with tears as I looked at Lynne and quizzically asked her if we had walked that far. You see, Hampden is a small town next to Bangor where we are both from in Maine. How could we have walked that far? It was another holy shit moment. Bangor was about a 6 hour drive from Boston.

Lynne finally gave up and walked close to the street with me because she saw I was starting to really unravel. As we slowly trucked along a cop car pulled over and asked us if we needed a ride. Lynne and I just looked at each other for a second. I took a deep breath because I knew this wasn't the good time to get busted and sent home.  Actually, no time was the good time to get busted and sent home but I was high as hell and I really didn't want to get hassled by the man while I was high.  We both knew there was no way around not getting in the cop car, so we eased our way into the back seat expecting the interrogation to begin.  We were surprised when it didn't. When I noticed the two "cops" didn't look like cops at all, but two scruffy-looking hippies instead, I started wondering what was going on.  Undercover, perhaps?  Had two young yahoos stolen a cop car and gone on a joy ride?  Tonight, anything was possible!

When we weren't asked for identification or asked where we live, we knew something was wrong, but we just looked at it like a gift from the Bostonian gods from old. They did, however, ask what we were doing walking at that time of night. We got a lecture about it not being a good thing to do because women can get raped doing stuff like that. Of course, we made up some bullshit story about being at a friend's house and getting lost when we left. I guess that wasn't too far from the truth except they weren't friends. They were assholes!

When asked where we were going, we chimed in and both said we were going to Stanetsky Memorial Chapels. The two hippie-looking cops gave each other a weird look when we said that, but then said to us that they couldn't take us all the way there because it's in a different district, but they could drop us off at the foot of the bridge. We knew that was a weird place to go in the middle of the night or anytime for that matter because it was a funeral parlor.  Lynne explained that we had a close friend that worked there on the weekends and that he'd make sure we'd get home safely and he did exactly that, but only after being subjected to hearing us ramble on about yet another one of our BIG adventures.  Thank you, Kenny Goldstein for being a lifesaver!

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

The Face of a Killer

My little 12 lb. doodle (dachshund/poodle mix) is a total love bug. The first thing he does whenever anyone comes to my house is brings them one of his toys so they can play with him. He loves to play fetch. Now, if the person doesn't follow his lead then he starts coaxing the person by "talking" to them by making his cute noises until the person pays attention. Hey, wake up! You're in my house and there's certain rules one must abide by in this house and playing with the doodle is one of them. It's mandatory.

His name is B.A. which doesn't mean anything. B. A. = be anything, but after the other night I think it needs to stand for BADASS.  My Shih Tzu, Fenway is the Queen and the alpha dog of the house. She runs the roost.  Fenway weighs about 16 lbs. Libby is a Dandie Dinmont Terrier and she weighs about 16 lbs. Although Fenway runs the roosts, she doesn't have what I would say is an aggressive personality. She's just bossy! Libby is generally pretty laid back until she's provoked or agitated and then she becomes very aggressive.

One of the first things a person notices when they come here is the amount of toys my dogs have, but the toys aren't for my dogs. They belong to B.A.!!! You see, if B.A. didn't have those toys to chew on, we wouldn't have a house. When he was younger, he chewed everything! And when I say everything. I mean EVERYTHING! He ate my box spring to my bed. He ate the living room carpet. He ate countless comforters on my bed. He ate eyeglasses. He ate my mother's false teeth. He ate furniture like he was a beaver. The question should be what didn't he eat?  He doesn't do that stuff now, but he has his toys to chew on and he "husks" his toys.  By husking them I mean he pulls all the stuffing and the squeakers out of them. And once he husks them we can't throw them away. So we have a toy box filled with toys in various stages of being destroyed, but to B.A. they're still great. He still drags them around like they're brand new.

One of B.A.'s duties is to protect the house and the yard and he takes that job very seriously. He has no idea that he's only a 12 pound lean mean fighting machine. Each time he goes outside he patrols the backyard and the inside of the garage. It's really funny to watch him follow the same route each time.  He goes in back of each bush and sniffs everything all over. Nothing happens in the yard that he doesn't know about. He's on top of everything! Once he killed a mole and brought it inside for us to praise him. When we tried to take it away from him he took it under the bed. Yuck! He doesn't bother the birds or squirrels and that surprises me. But I think that may be because he sees me interact with them. Libby chases the squirrels, but they're too quick for her to catch. Fenway wouldn't care if an elephant was standing in the middle of the yard, but she will bark if she hears a dog down the street barking. She wants them to know where the queen lives. I suppose in their own way they do their jobs and that's what they're supposed to do.

The other evening after dinner my son and I took all three dogs out.  I usually go out with them even though I do have a large fenced backyard. Before we knew it Libby and B.A. had cornered a raccoon, and then B. A. got it and killed it. Matthew and I tried our best to intercede and we tried to get B.A. to release the raccoon, but he wouldn't let go of it. He had a death grip on it and kept shaking it. By the time he did let go, it was dead. The other racoon kept trying to crawl up my pant leg because it was terrorized. I finally got it to leave before Libby noticed it and I hope it got scared enough to not come back in the yard again.

What freaked me out was how ferocious B.A. was. He's only 12 pounds...he kills rats, he kills moles. Who knows what else he kills. I know he runs off feral cats, but I think he'd have his hands full with a feral cat if he got in a fight with one. I realized once I started feeding the birds, the birdseed would attract other creatures, but I don't want a whole zoo in my yard and I definitely don't want my dogs fighting with wild animals. Sigh! I guess I need to start paying closer attention to what's happening outside in the menagerie before I let the killer hounds outside at dusk.

And I still feel horrible about the raccoon...
I'm an animal lover
Well, I don't love rats and stuff like that, but raccoons are cute.
And I know B.A. was only doing what his instinct told him to do, but it still made me feel bad...