I’ve been fairly horrible this year, but not as bad as I have been in years past. In lieu of my ever improving behavior I thought I’d give you my Christmas list in hopes you’ll find something special just for me this year.

1. World peace (Okay, I know I always include this one, but you can’t blame me for hoping.)

2. A new 8-Ball (It seems mine isn't working properly. It keeps giving me all the wrong answers and everyone else the right ones.)

3. The drive to finally finish writing my book or bring a creative co-author to help me finish it. (Santa, how are your writing skills? You're free 364 days a year!)

4. Could whatever you bring me be made in America and not in China? (I'm not a racist, I'm just concerned about the U.S. economy)

5. Most of all I'd like Santa to have the night off...Happy Holidays, Santa! (Kick back and enjoy! You deserve it, big guy. I think we all receive enough and it's our turn to give!)

Always naughty, but nice,

Mildred Ratched


  1. I am going to wish for good fortune for you. It is a notoriously ephemeral and rare thing.

  2. Laoch: Good fortune sounds great and I'll wish the same for you. Perhaps someday we'll sit at the same Texas Hold'em table!

  3. I love your Christmas list, we will have world peace before American things are made in America again.

  4. Adi: One out of two isn't too bad, is it?

    Jnuts: Well dammit! Maybe if I hold it between my thighs the planets will align and harmony will be restored.

  5. Mildred, I think you just solved the world's problems.

  6. I'm not too sure you're using the 8 ball properly.

    If you keep on asking for an answer, and it keeps on giving showing 32DD, then you just have to accept what nature provides. :=)

  7. Jnuts: I knew I was good for something!

    Laoch: I'm much too competitive to let you win, but I might be talked into getting you drunk.

    Twisted: You mean rubbing the damn thing between my breasts isn't the proper way to get an answer? Now, I know why my boss used to give me funny looks all the time when I would consult my Magic 8-ball at work.