When people tell me, I need a boyfriend, I sometimes fall into a moment or two of weakness and actually long for the intimacy that's been missing in my life for the last 5 years. My moment of weakness is then followed by a mental slap in the face! What? Share the remote? Have some guy putting his feet on my table and asking for a sandwich?? Listen to a list of all my faults recited to me repeatedly? Start out with mind-blowing sex to be followed up with something less satisfying than "wham bam, thank-you, ma'am"? Be oogled as desireable due to being independent and free-spirited only to be told that I can stop being that way after I've been taken out of the meat market? Be forgotten on my birthday? Bought small appliances for Christmas? Expected to be a saucy tart 24/7 even when he hasn't showered and smells like decaying fecal matter? Have every piece of food I consume carefully scrutinized? Give up chick flicks for action/adventure movies? Be totally drained dry only to be tossed in the garbage for a perkier model?
Gratitude statement: I am thankful for having such a great comparison in case Mr. Wonderful ever does show up!
Jesus, I sound like a man-hater and I really am not!
ReplyDeleteThis does seem a bit harsh. Of course perhaps it is acceptable to have a good but less intense relationship where there is less togetherness time.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know it's harsh, but that's how I feel at times. Sometimes life can be harsh and unfair and sometimes love is anything, but idyllic.
ReplyDeletenot once in my life have I ever smelled like decaying fecal matter. tuna in the noon day sun, after having sex, but decaying fecal matter? never!
ReplyDeleteJnuts, I just gagged. Damn you!
ReplyDeletemy job is done, then.
ReplyDeleteBastard! Remember paybacks are hell!
ReplyDeleteWOW... I'm mesmerized
ReplyDeleteWayne, what mesmerizes you?
ReplyDeleteHoly Jesus God you have just nailed living with a man to a G-Damn wall! I really, absolutley love living by myself just because of all those reasons.. if not more! I'd like to add... acting like a baby when feeling the least bit sick. Get the ice-pack off your head! You don't have a migrane if you can watch tv!
ReplyDeleteI think even the best relationship is going to suffer from these very things and that makes me feel sicky-poo.
ugghh.
Babe