Yes, a funny thing did happened to me on my way to old age! I got distracted, sidetracked and ended up poked away in some hermitage on The Redneck Riviera. How the hell did that happen? Now, many years later here I am in a spot I never thought I'd be. I really didn't think at this stage of my life I'd be alone. Lately, I have laughed at myself for being such a loser. Here I sit typing away about love and life when obviously whatever formula I had carefully devised for successful relationships hasn't worked. My head is full of stupid idealistic notions and all those notions have accomplished is to keep me isolated and alone. I think my plan royally backfired!

I wish some of the married people out here would tell me the secret of success, longevity and of finding the right match for myself and where to search. I know people say as long as you're hunting you won't find what you're hunting for. Maybe so, but what about the last five years I haven't been hunting? Am I so defective and grotesque that the thought of being with me makes men run for cover? Does my independence work against me by causing any potential mate to feel unwanted or unneeded?

Am I demanding? Not really! Actually, I'm low maintenance and I think this might be something that has worked against me also. You see, I had this foolish notion that the best things in life are free and love needn't be an expensive adventure. After all, they say money doesn't buy love. Also, I’ve never been a materialistic person. "Stuff" just doesn't impress me. I was always more impressed by what was inside a person than by what they owned. I think this is another flaw in my outlook on life.

Am I a vain person? No, not at all! In fact, people look at me as a diamond in the rough. I guess I should have spent countless hours at the gym and thousands of dollars on make-up and saved my pennies to buy a pair of implants. Somehow, when I looked in the mirror over the years, I never saw a person who needed make-up and the hard physical work I did all my life seemed to keep me in pretty good shape. As for the implants... well 40C seems ample enough for me and since I never had a career as an exotic dancer, I never felt the need to enhance what mother nature already gave me.

So what's wrong with me? And how do I fix it? Or do I just let it be and keep right on believing the right person is going to love me unconditionally and accept me for who I am when that has never happened? What are the odds at this point that the remainder of my life will be spent alone? I think statistics are starting to work against me here! Being a few standard deviations from the norm makes me at high risk to be an old maid. It's off to the nunnery for Mildred!

The person I have deemed as being "okay" must not be. I wish I could see myself through someone else's eyes and then I'd know what to fix. It's hilarious that just recently I thought the metamorphosis was complete because I had emerged from a difficult time in one piece. Now, I’m beginning to think the metamorphosis has just begun and the road ahead of me is unclear!

It sounds to me like I'm a prime candidate for a mid-life crisis! Now, all I need to do is find a suitable one...one worth the time and effort of doing. Knowing me as I do, I have no problem believing something will come my way and pique my interest...and probably be a total disaster (my specialty)! So let the fun begin!

Gratitude statement: I actually am grateful to have lived this long to be faced with what to do with the rest of my life.

All gibberish within ©2004-2010 Mildred Ratched Memoirs.


  1. I wish I had answers for you. I have none. Most of the time I wonder why anyone would want to spend a lifetime with another person.

    I'd rather have a strong, lifelong relationship with a friend than some emotional rollercoaster with a partner. Sex seems to ruin most everything in the end.

    If I had it to do over again, I would reamin single. I wonder why loving yourself and being alone isn't enough for most?

    There's nothing wrong with you, Karen. I'm no expert by any means, but unconditional love seems something left best to children and pets.

  2. 40C....What the heck...You always get everything.....And I'm sure you will get your man....I love you my friend.

  3. Jnuts, I know this is probably just another "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"....but you know, sometimes I really do wonder if something is wrong with me that someone as intelligent as I am could never find someone to share life's ups and downs with. Maybe I get bored too easily...maybe I give up too soon...maybe I have gotten too scared to throw myself wholeheartedly into the pond again to swim amongst the frogs. Geez, I can't believe I've been celibate for 5 years! Hey, perhaps I really do need to become a nun.

    Margie, hope springs eternal and with friends like you pulling for me I'm sure I'll get something!

  4. With my luck what I get will probably be a root canal!

  5. I think finding a compatible person is often about luck and giving yourself a lot of opportunities. One cannot control the first but one can try to influence the second.

  6. midlife crisis is nature's' way to say 'look inward, you have entered the sunset part of life; what should you do before the end?" and that don't mean sports cars!

  7. Ur-spo, does it mean 35 year old stud muffins?

  8. My mid life crisis was to dye my hair purple. Of course it was during Halloween, so I'm not sure that counts. And, I was only 46 at the time.
    I don't know you at all so I find it difficult to weigh in here. But the people you have commenting makes some wonderful points and they are all offering you their support.
    All I can say is that I like you that's why I visit your blog all the time.
    I also want to say that I too, if I had to do it all over again, would probably go it alone. I miss the old me sometimes and the freedom to walk out the door and do the things I want are not that easy now being married with children. I have no regrets, I just miss - sometimes - what once was.
    Perhaps it is just a question of what makes any of us happy? In general I think we are just hard to please, married or single. Human nature and all.

  9. I wish some of the married people out here would tell me the secret of success, longevity and of finding the right match for myself and where to search

    I suggest you literally stop searching; go do your life, your interests, your travels - invariably you stumble onto someone, usually when you are least wanting to.
    Most relationships I know tell me this is how it began, by chance when they were not looking.

  10. Something, sadly to say I think I'm doomed to behave myself for my mid-life crisis because I can't come up with any ideas I haven't done already.

    Uro-spo, the search ended about 5 years ago and what remains is just residual bitching.

  11. I've just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.