Wednesday, January 13, 2021

HELP!


I'm drowning in grief and my "g" keeps sticking on my keyboard. That's probably some kind of prophetic sign. Maybe it's time for a new laptop, but honestly I haven't been this broke since...well, I don't remember how long it's been. Times are hard for everyone. I sit here alone day after day. I don't even go outside anymore. My backyard is no longer my sanctuary. The birds must hate me because I no longer feed them. My dogs are my only solace...and my adult children, but they work and well, I just don't want them to worry about me. My stomach hurts and I have trouble sleeping. The fucking G is starting to piss me off! Too many things piss me off like the roof leaking and all the repairs that need to be done. I keep looking at everything that needs to be done, but I honestly don't have the energy or the motivation to do anything about anything and even if I did have the motivation, it wouldn't matter because I don't have the money. I just feel so overwhelmed because for the last twenty years I've spent takin (oh, fuck that "g") care of my parents and now, I have no purpose or direction. I feel totally lost and I don't know what to do. It scares me to feel this way.

I can't go out to my mother's art studio without crying. I don't know what I'm going to do with all her artwork. There's probably at least thousand paintings out there. Her bedroom needs to be cleaned out and I can't seem to even do that. And then there's the matter of business stuff I need to do...the will, getting the deed to the house transferred to my name, checking on why the life insurance has been so slow in paying the claim, etc. I just can't seem to do anything. All I do is sit here and watch the news and oh boy, that's going to cheer me up! 

I don't even have any words for the depths of the despair I feel towards what has happened to this country lately. For a moment I had a glimmer of hope and then it was all snuffed out. I never thought I'd see a sitting president damage our great nation in the ways that Donald Trump has damaged it. 

I stopped going on Facebook...I guess loneliness has lured back to stay in touch with my friends and family. Desperation will make a person do strange things. So I hold my nose and I log on to that cesspool of hate and discontent. Usually, I don't post anything, but yesterday I couldn't help myself. Afterwards, I felt like I needed to take a shower! Below is what posted:

It really disheartens me by the amount of hate and division people seem willing to spread instead of trying to start to mend this great divide we have in our country. Why do people keep posting inflammatory things on their Facebook pages and then act wounded when someone challenges what they post? Look, if you don’t want controversy then don’t post controversy. Yes, you have a right to your opinion, but if you post something, don’t whine like a little girl if someone disagrees with you because everyone is entitled to their opinion and opinions vary. They always will!
Unfortunately, in these times people are going to lose friends because let’s face it...politics and religion are two controversial subjects and unless we learn to listen to one another with empathy and without bloodshed this country is in real jeopardy. I think each of us needs to give that some serious thought. We aren’t enemies. We’re Americans and we need to start acting like Americans. We need to come together and heal this country. Remember united we stand, divided we fall...and we WILL fall if we don’t get our act together. The solution to the problem will not be accomplished through violence!

12 comments:

  1. Grief is such a terrible condition and I'm so sorry you're overwhelmed with it now. I hope you're able to find someone (a friend, family member or counsellor) to talk things through with and lighten your burden a bit. Hugs, Mildred.

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  2. Right now, i wish two things, that i could say something that would help, and that i could safely give you an in person hug (if you wanted one).

    Be gentle with yourself in your grief.

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  3. https://www.caregiver.org/when-caregiving-ends

    Turn off your computer. Pull the key off your keyboard. You may have to work it up a little at a time on each side. Use a qtip with some alcohol and clean... https://www.wikihow.com/Fix-Sticky-Keyboard-Keys

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  4. I am sorry for your loss. It will take time. It never really completely goes away. But it does get better. You need someone to talk to because it does help. Hugs.

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  5. You are going through one of life’s toughest times. Losing your mom, especially one who has been so much a part of your everyday life, is so hard. Grief is something we all get through, but never really get over. I see that Mike has sent you information on fixing your “g”, and I hope that helps your frustration. Take care dear, Mildred, and know that you can come on Blogger and find some good, caring feedback.

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  6. Hang in there. The tunnel is long and dark, but there's always light at the end.

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  7. You are allowed to take as much time as you need to deal with everything. Paperwork, your mom's personal possessions, your sadness and loneliness. I am sorry that you're feeling alone in all of this, no one should have to feel that way. I am a stranger on the internet, but if you want to vent or talk, my email is linked to my blog. Sending you a hug and wishes that you will be feeling less overwhelmed with each passing day.

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  8. I am sorry you have to go through this. I do think Mike's link would be helpful. Are you open to discussing any of this with a therapist over zoom? Would that be helpful at all or worth a try? I wish there was something I could do for you. If there is tell us please. I am sending warm hugs of love your way! p.s. I have removed all social media from my life. It helps. difficult. but it really helps the mind set since I left it.(and tv news!)

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  9. I was glad to see you posting (I stop by regularly). I was saddened to see your sorrow. It is a common one. I wish I had words to help. I am glad to see you have Love here in the comments. You are not alone.

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  10. The Grief Process can be brutal... and these times are brutal enough without also dealing with the incredible loss of a Loved One. Virtual Hugs.

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  11. you are depressed...it is from your grief. You need to talk to your dr about prescribing you something. worse comes to worse check me out on facebook and I'll try to cheer you up. Jackiesue Roycroft Denney

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