Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Forever

Yesterday, while I was sitting here I suddenly got inspired to write a poem. I know! Poetry! YUCK! Hey, you have to run with inspiration when it strikes, no matter what direction it takes you in, right? So, humor me by holding your nose and reading my heart-felt words. Mildred is really trying to heal and come home...

It's a good thing I was by myself when I wrote this poem because I cried the whole time I was writing it. Yes, I actually wrote it and didn't type it. There's something about holding a pencil that seems to stir something in me, but it's difficult to stay inspired with a snotty nose and tears dripping all over the place. Somehow, I managed to find the "right" words and finish the poem. My first draft I emailed to my "bestie" and of course, she thought it was lovely. But, I'm wondering if she thought it sucked if she would have told me to go back to the drawing board and keep working. That thought brought a smile to my face... 


Forever


 One moment she was breathing

And then nothing filled her eyes.

I can’t prevent the ending…

Forever

She gifted me with life and love.

Now, outstretched while growing cold.

And from her death tears erupted…

Forever

 My whole life changed that moment.

And my heart won’t be the same.

Still somehow, I march forward…

Forever

 A crushing grief weights my soul.

While trying to drown the pain

 Prevents this crevice from closing…

Forever

You never thought I listened.

While you showed me who I am

I hope you knew I loved you…

Forever

 As time grew near to free you

My heart was opened wide.

That moment remains eternal…

Forever

 The moments when I need you.

You tell me to reach inside.

I get my strength from you…

Forever

You’re all around me always.

A deafening silence holds you there.

You will live on inside me…

Forever

I know how things must happen.

Reality stares me in the eyes.

Until someday I join you…

Forever

 And while my heart is healing

I still have these tears to cry

But each sunset brings a sunrise…

Forever.

💔

by Mildred Ratched

22 Feb 2021

27 comments:

  1. I am with your bestie. This IS beautiful and heartfelt.
    And my keyboard may or may not have been in danger of shorting out as I read.
    Thank you - and welcome back. You have been missed.

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    1. Oh geez! Don't ruin your computer. I don't want you to get mad at me or hate me :)

      And thank you! I've missed being around. I'm still in a fog of emotions, but I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's just going to take awhile to reach it.

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    2. Take your time. This isn't an easy journey you are on.

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  2. you wrote this poem for your mama. how lovely. bet she is smiling.

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    1. I'd like to believe she'd smile, but more likely she'd yell at me and tell me to stop my damn crying and hand me a Kleenex. Worrying about her, etc. she considered a waste of time and unnecessary., but she always liked it when people fussed over her.

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  3. Words so full of love and grief -- I hope writing this poem was cathartic for you and gave you some comfort, Mildred.

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    1. To be honest with you...not much gives me comfort these days. I put one foot in front of the other, but I still have times I'm a mess. I almost feel guilty for feeling this way because she was 92 and I had her much longer than many people have their mothers. Maybe having her for so long is what is making this hard on me.

      Anyway, I'll be fine after a few more gallons of tears.

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  4. Dear Mildred, My father died in 1960; mother 41 years later. They still visit my dreams as a reassuring presence, as well as waking thoughts. Your excellent and heartfelt poem reminds me that their loving influence is endless. Thanks.

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    1. I don't think there's a bigger influence into what makes us who we are than our parents and unfortunately, not all influence is a positive one.

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  5. Replies
    1. Thank you. It's a difficult subject to tackle and a harder one to experience.

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  6. Replies
    1. Thank you so much. What I wrote was truly heartfelt and I do realize I need to go on. I'm getting there... Having so much support from all of you helps tremendously.

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  7. Replies
    1. And thank you for reading it and leaving me a kind comment. That means more than you'll ever know.

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  8. This is my third time here. I'm no good at sympathy comments. So let's talk about the good stuff. Your mother made it to 92? She beat the system big time. I figure if someone makes it to 80 they win the game of life. 90+ is bonus time.

    And I assume she was your last parent. It's a weird feeling when your last parent dies. You feel like an orphan even if you have other family. You've lost your last link to the past.

    And it took me 3 times to notice the forever's kept getting bigger. You may have put more work on those than the poem.

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    1. It's okay not to be comfortable with expressing sympathy and yes, I totally agree with you that she beat the system. She would have been the first to tell you that.

      The "forever" growing bigger was for effect. It's just what my heart was feeling at the moment.

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  9. This is truly beautiful. It made me think about my mother, who passed away several years ago and I never got to see her or pay my respects. Very sweet/bittersweet. You have a talent.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words and I'm sorry for your loss. When my father died many years ago I didn't attend his funeral. I hadn't seen him since I was 14. Sometimes circumstances dictate what we can and can't do regardless of what is typically expected when a parent or someone close passes away. Whatever your reasons, be kind to yourself and hold close the things that make you happy to remember and let the rest go.

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  10. Beautiful words, Mildred. I am sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

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    1. Thank you! I'm attempting to take care of myself, but crying keeps getting in my way. Maybe crying is a way of taking care of myself, but how many tears does a person have? I fear drowning in tears and need Lassie to throw me a rope!

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  11. A powerful piece indeed. It took me back to when my own mother died. And yes, those that we loved and lost do live on inside us.

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    1. Everyone tells me that losing your mother is one of the hardest losses to come back from. I'd rather be laying on a tropical beach drinking fruity drinks that a buff cabana boy brings me than to be grieving and to be alone. I guess no one ever gets consulted first on things like this.

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  12. Okay, now I need the Tissues, pass them please... a Beautiful and Heartfelt Tribute. Mwah and a Virtual Hug.

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    1. I'd give you a Kleenex BUT I'm afraid we'd have to share a used one. YUCK! Now, that made me smile. I guess there's hope after all, right?

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