THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

Originally written and posted December 13, 2004:

As we sat eating dinner at a very busy restaurant before taking the Humeda children and my grandson, Nathan to see Christmas lights, everywhere around us there were families and couples. Before I knew it, my daughter was crying. She silently wept as I tended to the children. She tried to hide her tears so no one would notice. The holidays are hard enough to manage under normal circumstances, but when a person has a broken heart, Christmas becomes a cruel ordeal. 

A well-dressed Afro-American woman walked towards us and stopped. She leaned in close to my daughter and told her that she had been sitting across the restaurant and had noticed the distress she felt. The kind lady shared a personal experience with my daughter in support of my daughter’s sadness and left by telling her that she would find the answer she needed most. A few minutes later I turned to see where the lady was sitting, but after not finding her, I assumed she had finished eating and left the restaurant. 

We drove to St. Anne’s, a local Catholic church known for its Christmas light display. The children raced around the grounds full of excitement in anticipation of Christmas. The cool night air had chilled our faces, so we were glad when we entered the church. Inside was magnificently decorated. The spirit of Christmas lived within the church as the choir sang various Christmas hymns. The children (three of the four of them were Muslims) asked me a million questions about the church and as I ushered them through the church, I noticed my daughter had knelt to pray. Although we are not religious, seeing her kneeling in prayer didn’t surprise me. I slid into the pew next to her and the children followed me. 

As my daughter looked up from praying, standing across the church from us was the same woman from the restaurant standing there smiling at my daughter. By the time we made our way across the crowded church to once again speak to her, she was gone. Later that night, my daughter told me that when she knelt to pray, she told "God" that she didn’t know what to say. She said that her inner voice told her to ask for the courage to accept things she could not change. I smiled at her and told her that what she was saying was the serenity prayer commonly recited at 12 step meetings. She blankly looked at me, so I went to the Internet, found the prayer and printed her a copy when we had gotten home. 

She read it and then told me that was basically what had gone through her head. The tears came again and she asked, "Mom, that lady was real, wasn’t she?" I thought for a moment and told her that I had seen her also, so she must have been real. My daughter was deeply touched by the act of kindness a stranger had shown her and we both knew that the true spirit of Christmas was alive. That lady forever more has been referred to as my daughter’s "black angel". She now keeps a statue of a little black angel on her bookcase as a reminder that she did find the answer that night in the following words:

"...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference..."

THANKSGIVING BLESSINGS AND UNBLESSINGS

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend Thanksgiving with my children and their spouses, one of my nephews and one of my closest friends. We had a beautiful dinner...nothing burnt! Everything was perfect! But not all people were as fortunate as I was.

Of the people I did spend Thanksgiving with the roll call is short by a few people: my grandson couldn't make it in from Massachusetts (but will here for Christmas with his girfriend Sophia) and my friend, Linda's husband, Max (is still working in Maine for a few more weeks.)

During the day my thoughts lingered on other people in other places far and near:

I have a few friends and relatives going through difficult emotional and stressful times (you know who you are.) I have a few friends and relatives going through serious medical issues (you know who you are.) 

Today I found out I have a friend that was basically forgotten about by her adult children. No phonecall! No nothing! That makes me sad and mad that people can be so thoughtless and selfish regarding their parents at times. I encouraged my friend to not keep her feelings bottled up, but to express her feelings to her adult children and let them know how much they had hurt her. After all, she is 1600 miles away from her family and no one called her except her husband. What's up with that? Did they all have broken fingers and laryngitis?

Drumroll please...the biggest blessing-unblessing: the week's worth of leftovers I'll be eating!

Is it spring yet?

A Good Idea?

Remember when people used to talk to each other? While technology may be a wonderful thing, it has created a generation of people who either do not want to or can't interact with each other because they simply don't know how. I don't know how many times I've been out in public and have witnessed groups of young people sitting together texting away on their phones instead of engaging each other in conversation and laughing out loud instead of texting "lol". What have we become? Do we no longer need human contact? Do we no longer need to gaze into each other's eyes?

When my children were young occasionally we would have no television/ computer/videogame days and yes, at first it caused great wailing and gnashing of teeth, but it didn't take long for the family to adjust to those days of intimate bonding. We played board games. We played cards. We played outside. We went to the beach. We found other things to do, but more importantly whatever we decided to do we did it TOGETHER.

My daughter, as an adult made a decision not to ever get cable or satellite television . When my grandson was young the first thing he would do whenever he would come for a visit was to find the cartoon network. What a treat that was for him. Yes, he played video games and had a computer, but he didn't spend countless hours watching television. In fact, in later years when I would mention some television show on TV that I thought he might like a lot of times he truly didn't know the show. I have to admit it was almost refreshing, but I always would whisper in his ear and tell him he needed to "binge" a season or two of shows like Breaking Bad or Sons of Anarchy just so when his friends at school would talk about shows they were watching, he'd be in the loop. I was that "bad" Nana!  He even developed a liking for That 70's Show. I thought that was a riot because he did that on his own.

BTW...Happy 21st Birthday, Nathan! I love you!

A few years ago I questioned him about why he's not on Facebook and he's just not interested in it. Hallelujah! I have to say I'm proud of him because I think it's a wise decision on his part. I think Facebook has become ultra intrusive in so many people's private data and has also become a vehicle for propaganda to unwittingly to get spread around by uninformed "nitwits."  My apologies if you're one of those nitwits...If you are, FACT CHECK FIRST, before you share and spread lies with the rest of Facebook. Thanks!

Now on to the good stuff...
If this doesn't warm the cockles of your heart, nothing will! [lol]



MARENGO, Iowa (KCRG/Gray News) - ‘No phone, new friends Fridays’ is a new tradition at Iowa Valley Junior-Senior High School in Marengo. Principal Janet Behrens started it this year.

[Students take part in No phone, new friends Friday]

She said she noticed students at the school with their heads down, looking at their phones. Instead, she wanted them to look at each other, and learn face-to-face communication skills.

Students like junior Page Weick say they're seeing a difference. “Everybody enjoys it,” Weick said.

Students get a colored card when they walk in the cafeteria that tells them at which table to sit. The tables also have conversation starters.

“I think it's fun, I like doing it,” said Sahara Kanke, a freshman.

It's also a no-phone zone.

“Every little thing helps in this day and age with all of the things that you have going on, all the pressures that they have with social media. It's nice to see them take a break from all that,” Behrens said.

It took students a couple of weeks to get used to the idea.

“When it first started, I didn't want to do it at all,” Kanke explained.

“At the all-school assembly on the first day of school, there was a little bit of like, ‘No way, she's not really going to do that,'” Behrens said.

“Conversation is one of the most human, and humanizing things that we can do,” said Nathan Hodges, who teaches communication studies at Coe College.

He has an assignment where students go on a 24-hour tech detox, showing the importance of human connection in a digital age.

“You learn how to listen to people. You learn how to empathize with them,” he said.

Students said they think a phone-free lunch hour, spent talking with new friends, is helping their school to become a kinder place.

“People are more nice to each other now because they got to know each other at lunch,” Kanke said.

“I think people have a lot more respect for others,” Weick said.

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Read the original version of this article at kcrg.com.