OUT OF THE BLUE

After grumbling over the newest changes to Spaces and finding out that some of the links make my computer crash, I decided to just roll with the punches and see if MSN eventually irons out the bugs. What else can I do, but runaway from "home" and join the circus? (the theme from "Cheers" is playing in my head) With all its bugs, glitches and other headaches, MSN Spaces seems to be home. I wrote an entry the other night, but when trying to post it, it vanished into the cosmos. I told myself that those words weren't meant to be shared, yet those words have been steadfast in my mind ever since. The word "perseverance" has been with me for several days for many reasons and I really can't decide if perseverance is a good thing or not. As the suspense mounts, I scurry to do some soul searching. I ask myself if all this food for thought will eventually start to dull my senses. Will the anticipation be rewarded in a grand finale or should common sense tell me perseverance reaps no rewards other than as being an excellent character building exercise?

At present, I am engaged in a rather odd ongoing rather lengthy game of cat and mouse. I'm usually up for anything challenging, risky and a bit unconventional. As a participant, I'm always confident of the outcome, yet in this case I haven't figured out who's the cat, who's the mouse and what the stakes are for playing this game. I do, however, know all things come with some sort of a pricetag, but this pricetag seems so elusive. Win or lose, I know my investment (perseverance, honesty and unconditional love) has not gone unnoticed and on some level are qualities that have kept me in this game. My mind reflects on the serenity prayer remembering the difference between the things I can and can not change, but I choose to change nothing and remain steadfast until the end. I'll roll the dice and see what happens.... I fear the extremes, yet crave them like a drug. As this subtle, unrehearsed, spontaneous dance continues, the issue of options seems like a worthy topic to hold my focus for awhile...What are my options? I'm told to make my own options and eventually I will. Eventually, when all is said and done, things will have happened just as they were supposed to happen.

Out of the blue, the conversation changes from idle chitchat to let's read between the lines and see who can be more stubborn.The Wizzard? or Red Kitten?

Wizzard: what would you do with me?

Red Kitten: huh?

Wizzard: I said, "What would you do with me?"

Red Kitten: yes, I saw that

Wizzard: and?

Red Kitten: and if I have to do something with you, what are my options and I'll pick one...maybe two

Wizzard: make your own options

Red Kitten: yeah right!

Wizzard: I asked, "What would you do with me?"

Wizzard: you get to name the options, what ya skeered?

Red Kitten: You know nothing scares me

Wizzard: so?

Wizzard: afraid of laying it on the line?

Red Kitten: okay...I'd pick a ride on your bike and a few laughs

Wizzard: sounds like a good time

Red Kitten: I think you know me better than that...like I said, nothing scares me

Red Kitten: are you afraid to lay it on the line?

Wizzard: but that sounds like a good time, low risk

Red Kitten: it sounds like a male thing to me

Red Kitten: lo

LYRICS ARE LIFE

Today while driving home from work I heard three songs...all of them got me singing along and all of a sudden a verse in each song jumped out at me and seemed to stick in my head.

 

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

~Iris by The GooGoo Dolls

Momma always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun
But momma that's where the fun isthe calliope crashed to the ground.
Cause she was
blinded by the light...
~Blinded By The Light by Manfred Mann

Don't say words you're gonna regret

Don't let the fire rush to your head

I've heard the accusaation before

And I ain't gonna take any more

Believe me

The sun in your eyes

Made some of the lies worth believing

~Eye In The Sky by Alan Parsons Project

 

These words that other people have written seemed to reflect what I've been feeling lately.  It just goes to show, the human experience is very similar for all of us.  We all suffer at times and some of us become creative in our pain while others wallow and fade away.  Who hasn't followed the lies into the light?  But how many of us return unblemished? unscorched? I believe one of the best tans I ever got is the one I have right now.  

OUT OF THE FISHBOWL

There's no place like home!!! But what if home is filled with ghosts and horrible memories? Or what if home is a safety net keeping a person from going out in the world and spreading their wings? We all tend to idealize things, especially when things are remembered through the eyes of a child, but for me, my younger years hold no such ideals. I left home many, many years ago because my only real choices were to leave and live or to stay and die.  I chose life! I really never wanted to return again and stayed away for over 20 years. After being out in the world, the more I saw and learned, the pain became dull and the wounds healed leaving minimal scars.  Home was just that and although it was far from being perfect, it definitely was one of the biggest factors of what has made me who I am today. 

When I left home, I immediately suffered from severe culture shock.  Moving from New England to the South was like moving to another planet.  Now many years later after blending into my environment here on The Redneck Riviera, I still feel like a fish out of water.  It seems I always gravitate towards people from the North....why? Some unknown, unnamed force draws me to them. It's not that I feel they are better in any way.  It just seems that the same roots that make me who I am seems to run in their blood also.  We share unspoken truths and common ground.  We share a common outlook on life for the most part.  Leaving home not only gave me a chance for survival, but it helped mend the wounds that would have never healed by staying. Distance  gave me a chance to develop a deep appreciation of the place I was born and raised and of the people who really are my kindred spirits. 

Comments:

William
DECEMBER 20, 2004 AT 6:42 AM EDIT
Know how you feel about transplantation and being out of place. I live in Missouri, and the family loves to go to Branson for vacation. It’s like Vegas, but with Jesus.

THE TRUE YOU

Here’s an off the wall one for everyone to think about! What can you tell about a person from the type of underwear they wear or don’t wear? Do certain personality types tend to wear certain things more than others? And do you buy your significant other personal items like undergarments? I guess since we tend to judge a book by its cover and few of us actually ever get to see what the person is wearing under that cover, I’m just curious as to whether or not the true "you" is more apt to be seen by what’s underneath.

 
Comments:

Christopher
DECEMBER 16, 2004 AT 7:10 PM

What would the lack there of say about a person?

Red
DECEMBER 16, 2004 AT 7:14 PM

I bet the wild man of Borneo doesn’t wear boxers or briefs!

kel256
DECEMBER 16, 2004 AT 11:48 PM
hey. i agree with what your saying about the world being percepted in different ways. Maybe there is no "right way" and "wrong way". Maybe it’s just all in how we look at things and how we view them ourselves.

Joey
DECEMBER 16, 2004 AT 11:51 PM
I would have to completely agree with you. You can infer quite a number of things about a person their choice of underwear & vice-versa. how many questions would one have to ask to be able to ascertain ones preference without ever laying eyes on them? I would guess that the wild man of borneo spends no time in any given day deciding whether it’s boxers or briefs. I think his upbringing never afforded him the luxury of a choice, it was never a necessity if they were even available to him. Therefore, I don’t believe his lack thereof defines who he is. Wouldn’t it be safe to assume that if you were to be able to sit down the WMOB (wild man of borneo) and offer a selection of mens underwear that he would probably enjoy the comfort, freedom and support of boxer briefs to nothing at all. Furthermore I feel that had he been given the option at an earlier age he may not have garnered his current reputation. but that’s just me 😉


Mark
DECEMBER 17, 2004 AT 8:57 AM
The real person is beneath the underwear. People mostly wear underwear for the benefit of others. And some wear no underwear for the benefit of others. If you don’t wear pants then you don’t really need underwear.

asasdasd
DECEMBER 17, 2004 AT 3:14 PM
I think you could learn something about someone depending on their underwear. but not always. For instance, I dont wear underwear. But thats only because I wear really really tight fitting jeans and I dont want people to be able to see the boxer lines that would be left behind. If I did wear underwear it would be boxers, I hate the confinement of briefs. But maybe that is something right there, maybe a subconcious reason that I dont wear anything underneath my jeans is because I hate confinement… I always have felt a bit claustrophobic about some things… who knows?

BJ
DECEMBER 20, 2004 AT 2:00 PM
The silence between the two diners you were watching could have been a shared understanding and common perception of the sites and sounds around them. Words are not the only way to communicate

Sammy
JANUARY 17, 2005 AT 11:56 PM
Hey i would love to know how you write such gr8 stuff i am sorta the same i like to write about the world and stuff in it but i am so not as good as u could u give me some tips please. foxxy_babee@hotmail.com thanxssam

PEACE ON EARTH

Bleak Morn writes, "It will be nice when the Iraqi insurgents start playing soccer with the coalition forces in Fallujah on Xmas day." I believe peace starts within and radiates outwards. Each person can want world peace or at least an end to the present war in Iraq, but without each person involved making a commitment like "let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me", there won’t be a lasting peace and the best we might hope for are moments of silence. Peace shouldn’t always be the responsibility of others and entirely left in the hands of those who rule. Shouldn’t peace start with how we treat each other…our fellow man in any given situation on a daily basis and not something we hope for in times of war? I know my feelings on the matter pretty much date back to the era in which I was raised, so perhaps my believing in brotherly love and wanting peace is as nostalgic as lava lamps and bell bottoms! Wait a minute, didn’t they make a comeback a few years ago? Yes, having the troops play soccer on Christmas Day would be not only nice, but an excellent way to remind everyone that the Christmas spirit is alive and well and not living in the shopping malls!

Comments:

Mark
DECEMBER 17, 2004 AT 8:25 AM 

Some people have the simplistic belief that peace is some natural state that will happen if we just let it. Experience should teach that peace only exists in relative terms.All creatures on earth live in a state of perpetual war from bacteria on up to humans. Our social structure is even defined – not in terms of who is aggressive and who is not, but how we respond to aggression.With this in mind it doesn’t do much good to imagine a fairytale land where there is no war – but instead to determine calculated responses to aggression that are effective and reasonable.

Mark
DECEMBER 17, 2004 AT 8:27 AM 

Republicans and Democrats thirst for revenge after 9/11 via "the war on terror" (ie: holy war of Christianity and Judaism against Islam), but this war is neither effective or reasonable. This response doesn’t make sense. 9/11 only killed around 2,752 people. By contrast, in 2002 we lost 3,672 Americans to motor vehicle accidents. Which do you think would save more lives – spending TRILLIONS on killing religious fanatics (and scores of innocent civilians they hide amongst) overseas or spending those trillions on motor vehicle safety enhancements stateside? The terrorism problem needs to be addressed, but a clandestine approach would be more fitting than high profile invasions the serve only as more propaganda for our enemies.

Mark
DECEMBER 17, 2004 AT 8:37 AM 

You suggested that "having the troops play soccer on Christmas Day would be not only nice, but an excellent way to remind everyone that the Christmas spirit is alive and well and not living in the shopping malls!"The problem with comparing the WWI case you mentioned earlier to the present holy war is that in WWI you had Christians killing each other and at least for a day they came to their senses. The warring cultures were so similar that they sang the same holiday tunes.This is not the case in Iraq. Foisting Christian holidays on them is a bad move, and even focusing on the primitive "winter celebration" aspect seems pretty silly in the middle of a desert.To an insurgent, Xmas is just another day – and in a holy war, probably a good day for a demoralizing attack on forces far longing for home.

OPINIONS VARY

My thought for the day is written in response to a comment left for me about something I wrote yesterday. I welcome everyone’s comments whether they agree with me or not. I find in life opinions vary and everyone is entitled to think and feel in a way that best suits that person. I’ve also found that truths are very subjective and vary from person to person. A person’s truths seem to be formed from a collection of their life’s experiences, so whereas you may not agree with me on the issues I write about, it’s okay because you haven’t lived my life nor have I lived yours. I find that people’s differences are what makes them interesting and the world would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same way. In a discussion about life last night, a friend asked me to say one positive thing about the opposing political party. Without hestitation, I said that I admired their strength and the conviction they have in their beliefs and that it was those things that I believe won this past election. I went on to say that just because I don’t hold the same beliefs as they do, doesn’t mean I view them as evil or stupid. All it means is that for me, the truth lies elsewhere.


Comments: 

A Utah Woman Am I
DECEMBER 14, 2004 AT 11:51 AM

People are free to express their opinions. That is what makes America such a great place! I love living in a country where our opinions and comments can be expressed freely and so openly. However, that is what makes us all different. We all maintain these views throughout our life, sometimes they may be genetic or we might just learn them from the things that we experience ourselves. I agree with you Red Kitten. Yes, it is the diverse America that makes it so great. But, I being one that sits on the fence when it comes to Democrats vs. Repulicans, admit that it is nice when the parties can appreciate one anothers differences.


Mark
DECEMBER 14, 2004 AT 10:51 PM

You said "In a discussion about life last night, a friend asked me to say one positive thing about the opposing political party."This indicates that you or your friend believe there are only two viable parties. Most of the people I spoke with about the past election indicated that niether of "the two parties" covered so much in the media particularly suited their interests or was bound to serve them in a way that represented their values – though most had picked a favorite. People say the last election was based on "moral values". This is only true if our moral values are limited to conservative views on sex.If the election were truly about morals America would have voted for a candidate who supported a womans right to choose, supported alternative life choices, opposed the death penalty, opposed public policy that disproportionately imprisoned minorities, and opposed the indiscriminate murder of innocent civilians overseas. Neither major party candidate sufficiently represented these views.


Unknown
DECEMBER 14, 2004 AT 11:33 PM

here here darling i very much agree with your point of veiw. just randomly found your site then lost it. but now ive found it again im sure its fate. *cheesy grin*ta-ra

Red
DECEMBER 15, 2004 AT 12:14 PM

Bleak (is that a freudianslip, by the way?), you certainly do like to pick and choose what you take from a person’s word’s….that’s cool and if you think I have a narrow outlook that’s cool also. If I thought there are only two political parties, then trust me I’m very capable of saying so…the discussion I was having in which you were not present, was about the Democratic and Republican parties. That’s my error for not being more specific in my post. I do however want to say that if what you wrote is all you got from my post then I suggest you read it again. The point of the post was to say something positive…that I feel there is something good in most things (I suppose I’m setting myself up here for you to come at me for that statement) and to voice my feelings about people having a right to their opinions. Thanks for reminding me of just how right I was in what I wrote.