Because my "molemate" once told me I have the soul of an artist, I'm sending this one out here in cyberspace for you, Jnuts because I miss you everyday.
Showing posts with label Jnuts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jnuts. Show all posts
Monday, January 16, 2023
Saturday, May 22, 2021
National Confession Weekend
To tell this story I have describe few characters that were created for the Psychedelic Pariah's benefit. The Red Dyke was a character I created due to the name-calling Psychedelic Pariah slung my way. He was a bully right out of the Trump playbook long before there was a Trump playbook. In fact, if I remember correctly, The Red Dyke wore high-top Birkenstocks with a tight red body suit and well, she was a superhero, of course! She let her long, wavy, chestnut hair flow free. At one time I had a drawing of her, but it's long gone. The Blue Mute was another blogging buddy of mine that felt Pariah's wrath, also. We did nothing to Pariah other than be a thorn in his side from time to time by merely existing, I think we became the Troglodyte Twins in his mind. Charming, huh? Imagine that! Me being a thorn in anyone's side! ha! Actually, I took what he meant as a slam and turned it into something rather funny. I think it pissed him off that his insults didn't bother me and instead turned them into a joke.
Imagine someone like Donald Trump...you know, someone who loves to stir things up, yet unlike Trumplethinskin, Psychedelic Pariah was highly intelligent and he was a very talented writer (I hate to admit that.) You had to stay on your toes with him or else he'd crucify you. I never quite figured out what his deal was and then he disappeared never to be heard from again as did many of these people on MSN Spaces. For many the blogging fever waned and for others it became a part of our lives and now we mostly, exist in peace and harmony except for the occasional annoying spam here and there.
The Red Dyke says:
I’m listening to Unchain My Heart by Joe Cocker….makes me want to get up and dance
The Red Dyke says:
all I need is my pole
The Red Dyke says:
believe it or not I have one in my living room
The Red Dyke says:
lol
The Red Dyke says:
maybe I need to write that as a confession in abnorms…I have a pole in my livingroom
The Red Dyke says:
I wonder how many women can say that
The Blue Mute says:
you have a POLE pole??
The Red Dyke says:
yes
The Red Dyke says:
a pole…from ceiling to floor
The Blue Mute says:
for what….
The Red Dyke says:
dancing
The Blue Mute says:
so you like to dance with poles
The Red Dyke says:
I like Irishmen better
The Blue Mute says:
HAHAHAHA
The Red Dyke says:
the pole can be used for anything you want it to be used for
The Red Dyke says:
hey…remember I’m a saucy tart?????
The Blue Mute says:
oohhh yeah!
The Red Dyke says:
saucy tarts have toys
As you read what I've copied and pasted below, please pay special attention to the comment "Kathy" leaves in response to my post titled National Confession Weekend I wrote in the spirit simply having some fun because my next post is my response to her.
The idea for National Confession Weekend originated from the following chat I had with my partner in crime, The Blue Mute the night before I wrote the post titled National Confession Weekend:
I’m listening to Unchain My Heart by Joe Cocker….makes me want to get up and dance
The Red Dyke says:
all I need is my pole
The Red Dyke says:
believe it or not I have one in my living room
The Red Dyke says:
lol
The Red Dyke says:
maybe I need to write that as a confession in abnorms…I have a pole in my livingroom
The Red Dyke says:
I wonder how many women can say that
The Blue Mute says:
you have a POLE pole??
The Red Dyke says:
yes
The Red Dyke says:
a pole…from ceiling to floor
The Blue Mute says:
for what….
The Red Dyke says:
dancing
The Blue Mute says:
so you like to dance with poles
The Red Dyke says:
I like Irishmen better
The Blue Mute says:
HAHAHAHA
The Red Dyke says:
the pole can be used for anything you want it to be used for
The Red Dyke says:
hey…remember I’m a saucy tart?????
The Blue Mute says:
oohhh yeah!
The Red Dyke says:
saucy tarts have toys
Saturday, April 17, 2010
J&M BITCHFEST
What I'd really like to bitch about, I can't because it involves a lawsuit. Yesterday, I spent all day giving a videotaped deposition. I came home frazzled. My mind was racing and I felt in need of some TLC. Oh yeah! That's right! She's [me] in friggin' time out, so TLC wasn't going to happen. She [me] has this notion that she needed to take a break from men because she has impaired judgment. Isn't that fucking special? She [me again] might as well just wear a chastity belt. In the meantime, tiny twattlers have moved in and they have let the old love canal get overgrown with cobwebs and who knows what else is in there. The jolly Green Giant could have moved in and she'd [braindead me] never know! From the valley of the jolly... Ho! Ho! Ho! Green Giant! Hear the echo???
I really have to say women are dumb bitches sometimes! I mean we can be really S-T-U-P-I-D at times!!! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! From a man's perspective, I was told at an early age "I was sitting on a goldmine" and what did I do? I ran with every loser within a 50 mile radius. A real freak magnet here! Yeah, I was sitting on a goldmine alright! I should have hired myself out to a circus. She walks! She talks! She crawls on her belly like a reptile freak! Oh shit! Wait a minute I think I'm supposed to be bitching about someone or something else other than myself! Pardon me while I regroup and pull myself together.
[small break to think]
This is my blog and I am the Captain. The Captain would like to introduce you to Tennille (or Jnuts as I have always called him). I'd like to take you back several years when I first knew Jock was "the chosen one". (Jnuts, when did we start on MSN Spaces? Didn't it first open its pearly gates in late 2004?) Anyway, here was this guy blogging about his prostate. I knew then I had died and gone straight to blogging heaven.
Here is Jock's rant titled "Footloose and Diaper Free" :
So, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. There was no rectal exam. This was merely a PSA blood test. If my bloodwork comes back elevated, I will worry about the old finger bang at that time. Which is fine, as my 'roids have been acting up lately and the only way someone is going to shove anything up my ass is after they give me a bottle of tequila and they are in possession of a jackhammer. When asked if I wanted the rectal in addition to the PSA, I politely declined by saying, "only if you buy me dinner and call me daddy." My offer was refused. I DID get a Tootsie Pop and a blue ribbon enameled pin signifying "Prostate Awareness." I was already aware I had a prostate, but I took the pin anyway.How could I leave that alone? I couldn't! I tried! But the force was strong within him! I answered the call of the wild with my own little twist titled "A Visit To Dr. Pain's Office" but included his delightful and very insightful words on my blog as a lead in for what I wanted to say:
I'd like to take this opportunity and turn a simple medical diagnostic test into a Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus moment. I believe every man I've ever known who has had a prostate exam has described the doctor as having fingers the size of tree limbs and the personality of Marquis de Sade. It's not difficult to picture the doctor coming into the examining room, snapping those latex gloves and telling the patient that the procedure may be a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? How about humiliating? And the poor fool isn't even being offered dinner and a movie to go along with it! I know medical staff do their best to preserve a person's dignity, but how dignifying can a prostate exam be if you're a male or a Pap smear and mammogram be if you're a female? The majority of people reserve access to the vajayjay, the twins and the Incredible Hulk exclusively for their significant other. Now, here we are with an almost total stranger and we're PAYING them to prod and poke us. Nope, we aren’t in some sleazy motel with a prostitute! We're in an examining room with our doctor! From a woman's perspective, I'd have to say Pap smears and mammograms are most likely the equivalent to the prostate exam. Guys, you're lucky because prostate exams aren't routinely done until a man reaches middle age. Ladies have to endure the joy of Pap smears and pelvic exams annually from the time they first become sexually active. Mammograms aren't started until later, but are routinely done at an earlier age than when prostate exams are started. For the men who have never had their significant other complain about the whole female going to the gynecologist ordeal, let me fill you in. We not only get the Pap smear and pelvic exam, but we get a rectal exam also. We also have a breast exam and then are sent to have a mammogram depending on what age we are. What can I really say about having a complete stranger stuff my breasts into a cold metal vice and flattening them to the width of a pancake except, "oh boy! Where can I get one of those gadgets to have at home?" (Okay ladies...are you laughing with me?) I guess the most difficult part of the whole exam experience is the waiting for the results part. Yep! We feel great! We didn't notice any lumps or any other abnormalities, but you never know! You always hear horror stories about someone who feels great one minute and then finds out they have cancer the next. I'm not a fretter and can only imagine what the wait for test results must be like for someone who worries about every little thing in life. They must drive themselves and everyone around them crazy in that period of time. How does anyone reassure or console someone like that? I have a suggestion for both genders. Guys, do something special for your lady to let her know you're there with her in spirit during this process. It doesn't take much to let someone know you care about them. A nice dinner out? A romantic getaway for both of you? Ladies, the same goes for you. Our guys need support, too (remember they're whiners!). How about tickets to a ballgame, taking him to a movie he wants to see (and you pay for it or it doesn't count) or buying something slinky from Victoria's Secret to wear for him? Just remember it's the thought that counts and doing something small may mean the world to the person you love. Actions always speak louder than words and here's an excellent opportunity to say 'I love you" very loudly!So there you have it except for the comment our beloved Jock left for me as a response to what I had written:
Leave it to you to take my insipid tale about Nurse Ratched and turn it into something extremely worthwhile. I loved it and agree, except for one thing. Men are whiners? Oh, you must die! I'd come over there and slap you, but my back is killing me because I had to do dishes today. Damn, the pain is so intense from standing there it feels like I'm getting ready to give birth! Oh, and my hands are now all pruny and I think I'm coming down with the flu, because I've been sneezing and have a headache. Although, the headache could be from standing over the sink while steam rising from the water made me dizzy and disoriented. Mommy! I need to take a nap.Gratitude statement: What can anyone say about or to someone like Jock, but a simple "thank you"?
Saturday, May 09, 2009
SOMEONE OUT HERE LOVES ME!
Oh no! This can’t be! Who would do such a thing and not want sexual favors in return? OOOPS…maybe I spoke too soon! Please read on and experience the mental orgasm I had from discovering/rediscovering how friendship via the ole blogosphere transcends time and distance. I highly recommend you add the links below to your list of "must reads".
MAY 9, 2009 AT 6:03 AM EDIT
Karen,Nice post, but is it really love….Happy Mother’s Day!
There’s No Place Like Home?
"It’s my mother blog. It’s my sister blog. It’s my mother and my sister blog."
Okay, so I paraphrased a quote from Chinatown. Sue Me. I used it as an example of just how screwed up and fickle I am. After reaching the bottom of a very empty blogspot barrel and realizing I had nothing left to scrape, I did what I thought was necessary. I closed down and came back to my mother blog, hoping for some kind of renewal…a kind of blog barrel refilling, so to speak.
Unfortunately, mother/home/blog no longer offered sweet repose on her ample bosom. The old gal had undergone plastic surgery, an extreme makeover, a rethinking of old values and decided sitting around waiting for an errant son was not her cup of Earl Grey. Stupid bitch was out partying.
Not to mention, most of the kids I went to blog school with were no longer here. What I hoped would be a stay filled with the aroma of fresh baked bread and pies while visiting with good friends on the stoop, turned out to be disappointing. A post-it note on the fridge telling me to "throw a lean cuisine in the microwave if I got hungry" didn’t quite have the warmth I was hoping for.
So, I did what most ungrateful brats do in today’s world. I left my blog a mess, hopped a boxcar, and hoped ma blog would clean up the place and put a candle in the window…for the time when I would grace the ol’ gal with another visit when I was down and out…or in need of money.
I returned to the newer place I had shuttered a few months earlier, reopened and decided Thomas Woolfe was correct. Bye, Bye Blog American Pie.
Anyway, one of the reasons I had returned to Ma Blog in the first place was to reunite with my first blog love/kindred spirit, Red Kitten. She was the first person I met in blogland and I always felt a certain camaraderie that was warm and fuzzy from the get-go. She left the Spaces ship last year, and though I missed her and checked for her return often, I never did more than that. (I never claimed to be a good son or a good friend.) I always have good intentions, but…well, enough of my deficiencies.
Point is, RK was gone and ol’ ma blog was out doing her Thouroughly Modern Millie thing. What reason did I have to stay? Spaces still moved like compacted shit through a diseased colon and…
Well, bust my buttons, Dorothy, Red Kitten has returned from the land of OZ. Of course, I’m somewhere else on the Yellow Brick Road, hawking home-made poppyseed bread and pastries, but it sure is nice to see her safe and sound in her own backyard. Now, if she would just ditch the blue gingham and pigtails.
If, for some reason, someone stumbles upon this roadside stand, do yourself a favor (after buying a poppyseed brownie and an apple smoothie from yours truly) and head on over to Abnormally Normal People. Find out what truth in bloggertising is all about.
Me? I’m At The Altar of My Ego if you’re interested. I’ll be the one sticking straw down my tin jockstrap in an effort to ease the pain of, you know, wearing a tin jockstrap (tin doesn’t breathe, damnit).
COMMENTS
WaywardMAY 9, 2009 AT 6:03 AM EDIT
Karen,Nice post, but is it really love….Happy Mother’s Day!
Peace, Love, Hippie Stuff,Wayward Bill
Stephen Craig
MAY 10, 2009 AT 7:41 AM EDIT
Dear Karen, Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day and As ever be well
Jock
MAY 10, 2009 AT 1:35 PM EDIT
Karen: You do me honor, and it’s not really necessary…although, a mental orgasm does sound intriguing. It’s true, of course, that an internet friendship does not replace the day to day, face to face, but in these times, when so many of us turn to the internet for some kind of connection, I’ll take whatever I can get. Now, about those sexual favors….Wayward Bill: Love is a many nuanced and multi-definitioned word. I can’t love Karen in the physical sense, but I can love what she stands for, what she’s been through in life, and what she brings to the table in a relationship. Does the fact that I will probably never meet her negate the "L" word. Hardly. She’s also smart enough to know that. But to makes things clearer for you, let me simply say…I love her for who she is. By the way, Karen: Hope your Mother’s day is filled with all kinds of love.
EbonyWyvernDragon
MAY 10, 2009 AT 2:17 PM EDIT
Happy Mommy’s Day, my friend! Dragon
Stephen Craig
MAY 10, 2009 AT 7:41 AM EDIT
Dear Karen, Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day and As ever be well
Jock
MAY 10, 2009 AT 1:35 PM EDIT
Karen: You do me honor, and it’s not really necessary…although, a mental orgasm does sound intriguing. It’s true, of course, that an internet friendship does not replace the day to day, face to face, but in these times, when so many of us turn to the internet for some kind of connection, I’ll take whatever I can get. Now, about those sexual favors….Wayward Bill: Love is a many nuanced and multi-definitioned word. I can’t love Karen in the physical sense, but I can love what she stands for, what she’s been through in life, and what she brings to the table in a relationship. Does the fact that I will probably never meet her negate the "L" word. Hardly. She’s also smart enough to know that. But to makes things clearer for you, let me simply say…I love her for who she is. By the way, Karen: Hope your Mother’s day is filled with all kinds of love.
EbonyWyvernDragon
MAY 10, 2009 AT 2:17 PM EDIT
Happy Mommy’s Day, my friend! Dragon
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