I wish I could say I'm in better shape than I am, but I'm not. I feel like I have emotional diarrhea. How's that's for an image to get stuck in your head? Now, all I need is some emotional Imodium or Pepto Bismol. I can get happy and pink all in the same moment! Seriously, I woke up this morning and I was crying. How can a person cry in their sleep? I don't think I was dreaming or if I was I don't remember what I was dreaming about. I just feel drained and lost all the time.
I wish I could say it's all is due to my mother's death, but I don't think it is. I think it's me. If it was self-pity. I would kick myself in the ass and get on with it, but this goes way beyond simple self-pity. This fearless creature known as Mildred Ratched is actually scared and for the first time in her life she's absolutely clueless. I'm a basket case and just a step shy of being a blithering idiot.
So, I soothed myself by getting my hands extremely dirty. I mixed up a batch of cow manure, peat moss and dirt from my compost pile to plant some flowers, then I watched all the birds play in my backyard. Now, I sit here in my living room (I'm taking a break with a Coke and a smile) and the birds are singing so loud I can hear them. They must want me to come back outside??? If that's the case, they want me to fill their bird feeders. I guess I should go make them happy...