[Reposted from 2010]
Bonjour God! Let's have a little chat! I respect each person's right to believe and to worship in any manner they feel most appropriate. I also respect the right of each person to modify their beliefs throughout their lifetimes as they grow, learn and become more enlightened. For many of us, religion was introduced to us as a child and what we learned from that exposure was what our parents and religious leaders felt we needed to know of God and the mysteries of life and death. Most important, I respect anyone's right to non-belief...a life free of rules that everyone breaks because THEY ARE SINNERS! Okay, so life can't be completely free of rules, but it can be free of some of the senseless guilt and shame.
As children, we were expected to accept certain things that can't be explained because "God works in mysterious ways" and "when God closes one door, He opens another." Questioning God was frowned upon and if a person harbored any doubts, that person was expected to do so in silence. God wasn't a topic of debate! Some people developed a deep faith as they grew up and it has given them great comfort at times of sorrow and loss throughout their lives. Some people believe God answers prayers and that He never turns his back upon His faithful. They believe He never gives anyone more than they can handle. Those people seem to be able to accept anything that happens without questioning it. And then there's people like me...
What I learned as I grew up was that "God" has many faces and names throughout the world. As a child, that confused me. Perhaps that confusion acted as a catalyst for my exploration of various religions without finding one that truly fits. You see, I've always fallen short of allowing myself to believe in the existence of loving, merciful God who allows some of His most faithful to perish in pain and suffering. I have no problem believing that some greater force than myself is responsible for life as we know it, but I'm afraid that's where it stops. I simply can't give that credit to some supreme all-powerful being who allows the unpredictable acts of Mother Nature, the epidemics that sometimes scourge mankind and all the other major boo boos everywhere like wars, accidents, disease and hunger just to name a few? Why would a God, any god allow those things to happen?
I've really tried to envision some omnipotent being sitting plugged into a gigantic database that constantly oversees all things everywhere throughout the entire universe and it quite frankly blows my mind and makes me laugh. I know what many religious people think and say about people like me. Trust me, I'm not writing this so any of you will leave me mini sermons on the virtues of Christianity and the need to be saved. I'm just having a momentary hard time watching the news and wondering if a merciful and loving God is alive and well and living on the same planet I call home then why is this planet in such peril? Surely, there isn't some obscure Bible verse that says blessed are the nitwits for they shall inherit the Earth.
Logic and reason has always kept me from finding the essence of God because for me the concept of God is anything, but logical or reasonable. Taking a leap of faith to me is like walking off a cliff and expecting not to plunge to my death. Throughout my life whenever I've had questions regarding various aspects of the Bible, no one has been able to adequately give me answers that make sense. For example, if incest is wrong and most everyone knows it is, then explain Adam and Eve and how the world was initially populated without telling me it's JUST a story. NO! NO! NO! The word of God is infallible and who are we to say that anything written in the Bible is JUST a story? It seems like there's no real consistency in God's plan except doom and gloom. There's too many loopholes and excuses for God's complacency and absence.
I've always been a "show me" type of person and quite frankly, I've never been shown any proof that God truly exists. I've been told to just open my eyes and to look at the world around me. When I do that, I gain no enlightenment. The majority of what I see makes me sad. I don't know exactly what it would take to turn me into a believer. The parting of a sea perhaps? World peace? Eradication of disease and hunger? All I know is whatever it is, it hasn't happened and I'm not holding my breath waiting for it to happen. To the world, I say, "c'est la vie!"
Sometimes I feel awkward when in the company of religious people because I have nothing to contribute towards their Christian fellowship. Sometimes I don't know what to say when someone asks me to pray for them or for someone else in need. It's an uncomfortable feeling at times being the odd man out. I never seem to have the right words to let anyone know I'm with them in spirit and thought, but that I feel praying is a bunch of hogwash and a waste of time. I can only imagine telling that to someone and the reaction I would get in return. Instead of an intervention, people would plan an exorcism for me. Get your bells and holy water together! We're giving Mildred an exorcism! Now, that's what I call fun!
When I was younger, I yearned to fit in with everyone else. I wanted to be able to see what they saw
and feel what they felt. Now, fitting in is about the last thing I want to do. Tolerance for heathens everywhere would be nice. Real heartfelt tolerance of anything different would also be nice. Instead of preaching and passing judgment so quickly, shouldn't everyone be living proof of what they believe and desire in others? Shouldn't people lead by example? Don't just talk the talk! You need to walk the walk! All I know is that life has taught me that compassion and true empathy plant the seeds of brotherly love so much quicker than negativity and judgment does. And in my garden, my paradise the seeds of love have been planted long ago and the weeds of nitwits are pulled up quickly before they can firmly root and spread.
Note to self: Mildred, stop writing posts/revising old posts when you can't sleep! You tend to ramble!
