30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TWENTY-SEVEN

Truth #27: The saying goes it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all but I don't know if that's true because like a junkie once one tastes the sweet flavor of love, one always craves it again. Some spend their entire lives being with all the wrong people in pursuit of that one perfect, everlasting love. I liken that to continually crashing into a rock wall. It hurts and you never reach the destination you set out to reach. Long ago I found that being alone is better than being with the wrong person and it's also so much easier. There is no cure, quick fix or replacement for love. I think at this stage of my life when it comes to loyalty and companionship, I found the solution that's right for me. Having pets hasn't taken away my need for love, but they have filled a certain void.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY FIFTEEN

Truth #15: One of the most frustrating things in life is trying to be someone you aren't. Take someone who desperately wants to live what they perceive to be as a normal life, but they are completely miserable in doing so because that person needs a little spice, a little wild hair every now and then to feel what's normal for them, but to fit in they go against what their core is telling them to be. My mother always told me "to thine ownself be true" but how far should one take that? I'm not talking about let's all go out and swing from the trees, become serial killers or live out all our wildest fantasies, but what if someone struggles with living a lifestyle that's not meant for them to live. Life is too short to live it being void of any happiness, any satisfaction, any fulfillment. Shouldn't we all find our own path? Whatever that path is? If the beat we hear is a different one, then I think we owe it to ourselves to follow it to see where it will lead us. If that path is down some rabbit hole, then perhaps we should change our name to Alice and just enjoy the adventure.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY FIVE

Truth #5: When something bad happens you have three choices: You can let it define you. You can let it destroy you. You can let it strengthen you. I encourage each of you to reflect on your life and look at those dark times. What did they do for you? Or what did you do with the dark times? Do you wear those times like a badge? Did those times cripple you? Or have those times taught you to be a better person so you can reach out and help others going through similiar times?

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY FOUR

Truth #4: With the second anniversary of my mother's death in a few days, death has been on my mind a lot lately. I know death is a difficult concept for everyone from the time we are small children until our final days. Maybe it isn't meant for us to actually understand it, but sometimes we go from fearing it to actually welcoming it depending on our circumstances and health problems. Over the course of our lifetimes our views on death may change, but one thing for certain, the topic death makes people uncomfortable even though it's something each of us will experience at some point. It's inevitable! So with this truth I know we can cheat many things in life, but there's one thing that no one can ever cheat and that's death.  

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY THREE

Truth #3: No matter how bad things can get at times, those times will pass. I truly believe that there are valuable lessons to be learned from those times if we open both our eyes and our hearts and reflect honestly on them. For one to find the true reason and worth in their life Socrates claims "an unexamined life is not worth living." As with the tides, our lives have highs and lows and we must flow with it or drown in its current. Socrates may be correct, but Sylvester the Cat calls his version of this lesson of "Brotherly Love": Survival of the Fittest!

NINE SECRET RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

 

According to an article a friend sent me there are 9 secret rules for being human handed down from ancient Sanskrit literature. These rules are:

1. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY.
You may like it or not, but it will be yours for the entire period round.

2. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS.
Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The ‘failed’ experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works.

4. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL IT IS LEARNED.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, then you can go to the next lesson.

5. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6.'THERE' IS NO BETTER THAN 'HERE.'
When you're 'there' it has become 'here', you will simply another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.

7. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU.
You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects you something you love or hate yourself.

8.WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU.
You have all thè tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. THE ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU.
The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

Live Life With A Meaning...

THE WORLD AT 55

At 55, we are branded "mature" (at least most of us are). At 55, the world no longer is viewed in terms of black and white. Shades of gray drown out the black and white as we find very few absolutes in life. At this crucial point in our lives, many of us decide to rediscover or reinvent ourselves. For many, this is the first major decision as we travel into the autumn of our years. Why can't this segment of our lives be as colorful as the trees in New England as the become ablaze of colors decorating the landscape? Why can't these years be filled with less regret and more urgency to do all the things we wanted, but never did because life kept getting in the way? Why isn't the light at the end of the tunnel a stronger, brighter beacon guiding us along the way? 

At 55, we are no longer invincible and immortal. Many of us are drowning in all the mundane things in which life is filled. We rarely take time to have fun, be happy or treat ourselves to an occasional goodie. At 55, our nest is filled with items of comfort that keep us from venturing outside to explore. Yes, we know we should treat ourselves better, but most of us have spent a lifetime of putting others before our own needs so we are clueless when it comes time to think about ourselves. I often wonder what would happen if I suddenly let that wild hair that was so much a part of my make up in my younger years loose again. Instead of cave-dwelling, what would happen if I squander my time and money and aimlessly wander? 

Isn't going out in a blaze of glory better than slowly fizzling out? Would living on the edge and flying by the seat of my pants feel any different now than it used to feel? As I watch those around me grow old and die, these at the things I wonder at 55. 

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for each age I've been for with each age comes new realizations and truths.

* Reposted from October 13, 2010 

WHAT REVS YOUR ENGINE?

I can close my eyes and I can smell that smell. Can you? Ooooh, that smell! The smell of death surrounds me! It isn't just in the drugs and alcohol that people abuse. It's in our food. It's in our water. It's in the air we breathe and the pharmaceuticals our doctor prescribes us and deems as necessary and perfectly safe to take. It's in the cars we drive and the cellphones we use! It's in the sex we have! It's in the wars we wage! It's in the poverty and hunger all around us! It’s in our planet as it grows warmer and more polluted. It’s in the hatred and the fear we feel towards each other. It's in the politics that divide us more each day. It's everywhere! Just look around. It's in everything we see, feel, smell, taste and hear! There's no escaping it... I feel like I'm drowning!

Any insomniac, addict, mentally or emotionally disturbed person or anyone who has ever been in dire straits and is at the end of their rope with nowhere to go is well-acquainted with temptation, self-indulgence and pleasure seeking behaviors. Satan, imaginary or not, comes in many forms and touches the lives of the most desperate and the most vulnerable. We are his army, the hedonists of the world. Even when we aren't capable of actually feeling pleasure, there remains the memory of pleasure and what a driving force that can be. To love one more time...to feel the pleasure of carnal delights one more time, to experience whatever revs your engine and gets your creative juices flowing is the ultimate mind candy! SIGH!

I say it's time to dig down deep inside yourself and satisfy that wild hair that beckons you and when you do heed its call, please make sure you write about your adventure in explicit details and post photos so I can satisfy my troglodytic voyeurism. (Oh no! I think I just discovered a new psychiatric diagnosis! lol) So what really revs your engine? Be honest. To thine ownself be true... Here at Mildred's place we make no character judgments. We just live and let live! I need a little something something to put some pep in my step and I don't know quite what it is yet. Any suggestions? I NEED A SPECIAL WILD HAIR DAY!!!

Well, I'm off to the doc, maybe she'll fix me up. Ha! When has that ever happened? Hey, doc, have you got something that'll satisfy my wild hair? I guess there's a first time for everything and I shall return, but I have a feeling it won't be with a smile on my face...

MY TOP 25 LIGHTBULB MOMENTS

When I started blogging again in 2010 after a rather long absence from it, I did it to fulfill a therapy requirement given to me by my "yoyo inspector" (a term of endearment I had given my therapist).  One of the tools of therapy she wanted me to implement was to explore my inner self by keeping a daily journal.  The topic of each entry could be of my own choosing, but each entry had to end with a gratitude statement.  At times, I had to dig deep to find something that could be seen as gratitude on my part, but in doing so, I found an ingenious way to take negativity and gift wrap it with a big colorful bow. Suddenly even the most negative aspects of my life had a glimmer of light cast upon them. 

We all have moments when things just seem to click and suddenly make sense.  Here are a few things Mildred has learned about her relationship with herself, friends, family and lovers as she has stumbled down a rather bumpy garden path:

1) Someone who loves you will make time to be with you even when their schedule is so hectic and chaotic that they barely have time to take a shower.  

2) Someone who loves you will never treat you like you're an afterthought and will always attempt to include you in their plans whenever possible.

3) If you leave a voicemail or send an email or an occasional smoke signal, a considerate person responds. Silence can be interpreted in many ways, but in my book, silence is rude and neglectful. 

4) Plain and simple...any relationship does NOT thrive on neglect.

5) Intimacy starts to happen when two people open up and nurture each other. 

6) Relationships tend to grow and thrive as long as the relationship is a two way street! 

7) Relationships quickly dissipate and die as a result of constant drama, negativity and turmoil. 

8) Don't be a door mat! Hanging in there will only make you feel demeaned and used. Your feelings are worth more than that, so find someone who can and will love you as much as you love them. 

9) If gift giving occasions always come and go without even a simple acknowledgement (remember cards are relatively inexpensive) from the people who are most important to you, then they aren't deserving of your time, effort and hard-earned money. Why worry about finding "the perfect gift" for someone who always has some lame excuse as to why they can't reciprocate? As we've always been told, it really is the thought that counts! Obviously that jerk didn't get the same memo! Stop wasting your time and money!  Go buy yourself a gift for being smart!

10) Everyone has preferences!  If someone likes a tall partner and you're short unless you know how to get leg extensions, you should bow out gracefully.

11) Sometimes people stay in relationships with the wrong person for a lifetime because they're afraid of being alone. 

12) Being alone is much better than being with the wrong person. 

13) Actions speak louder than words and words can be pretty cheap at times. 

14) Some people are great at blowing smoke up people's backsides and weaving captivating dreams, but when it comes right down to it, those people are clueless when it comes to anything real and meaningful.   

15) People who love us will make our dreams come true...or at least they'll try to!

16) Open your eyes, read the signs and don’t overlook any red flags.

17) Trust your instincts and intuition.  

18) If you spend all your time wondering and questioning everything in a relationship, it's time to move on. 

19) Always accept people for who they are and not for who you want them to be.  

20) A real person will start the race and finish it being the same person. 

21) Remember a real person has flaws and imperfections!  Perfection might be alluring, but it doesn't exist.  A "perfect" person is hiding something!

22) Shutting the door and turning off the light might be a safe thing to do, but it's only going to hurt you in the long run. 

23) No one should live in a dark cave! 

24) The time to shut the door and turn off the light is when we die.  Until then, be brave and be willing to change the lightbulb occasionally.

25) All relationships are a work in progress and communication is one of the key ingredients to having a successful one.


Gratitude statement: Even though I may learn everything in life the hard way, I'm thankful that eventually even I see the light.

SEX AND THE KITTY

The past week has been hard for me. The lightbulb has gone off several times and I've found myself saying, "WOW! an epiphany!".
What's strange about these lightbulb moments are that they have come at odd times when I wasn't really engaged in deep thought. It's almost as though some stuff I've kept stuffed down for so long is surfacing because it has no place else to go, but up. These moments are allowing me to see me in a different light.

I think the strangest of the epiphanies is the one concerning sex. Since a very young age I've looked at sex through hedonistic eyes. At times, I've been very promiscuous, but I've never felt bad about being sexually uninhibited. For the last 5 years I've been in self-imposed "time-out." Okay, that time-out came as a result of a broken heart, but nonetheless it has given me time to distance myself from something I always felt clouded my judgment. In my case, sex makes me brain dead. The more I have, the more comfortably numb I become. Sex has completely destroyed my judgment skills and has left me morally bankrupt. Now throw drugs into that mix and yourself have free-spirited, pleasure-seeking junkie!

Can I link my bad behavior to any particular cause? You betcha! But instead of feeling angry, I feel sadness. I feel sadness for all the time I truly wasted on cheap, sleazy sex and thrill-seeking scumbags. I feel regret for all the "nice" men I've known and have never given a chance because they weren't Billy Badass. I always believed nice=boring and for me nice just didn't get it done. Masturbation was more stimulating than sex with a nice man. I can't tell you how many first dinner dates I sat engrossed in pleasant conversation with a perfectly nice man while my head is screaming, "NOT IN THIS FUCKING LIFETIME" as I tried imagining my long legs wrapped around my dinner date doing unmentionable things with them.

What disheartens me the most is realizing that my most memorable personal accomplishment is having a lifetime filled with being self-destructive. Oh, but instead of getting the job done all at once, I felt I deserved a lifetime of being dragged slowly over the coals to kill myself a little at a time. Now, I'm trying hard to find ways to break that cycle. For someone who has always acted on impulse, it's difficult to leap cautiously back into life and then stop myself to ask questions first before I do anything.

Do I really want to do this? Is this the right thing to do? How will it effect me? Those are basic questions that most people have been asking themselves all their life, but those questions are a major thing for me! Being "normal" is overwhelming to say the least! I really didn't realize how far down into the pit I've fallen until I started trying to climb out. Hopefully, what hasn't killed me will only make me stronger. Hopefully, as I peel away the layers of semen-laced crud, I'll see the person others see. And hopefully, as I climb my way out into daylight, I'll be able to forgive myself as easily as I have forgiven others who have caused me pain.

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for having 20/20 hindsight.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Each of us are born, we live our lives and then we die. What makes us different from one another are the journeys we take and the adventures we have. Life is such a precious commodity, yet we seem to take it for granted at times. Many people seem to think there will always be a tomorrow. Tomorrow gives us another chance to make it right and to do all those things we didn't do today. What would happen if each of us spent today as if it were our last? Would we then tell the people we love just how much they mean to us? Would we call that old friend we haven't heard from in ages just to take a trip down memory lane and to laugh about the good old days? Would we take a leap of faith and follow our dreams as they beckon each of us? Would we suddenly see the magic in life?

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for second chances.