DON'T IT TURN MY BROWN EYES BLUE?

Since the time of the Pilgrims, New England has been steeped in many traditions. One of these traditions came to mind this morning as I prepared a pot of Boston baked beans to go in the oven for a traditional Saturday evening "supper." My grandmother also came to mind as I prepared my beans because she always told us that she put bluing in her beans. For those of you who don't know what bluing is/was used for; it was to get white clothes white. I guess before bleach was around people used bluing. Of course, my grandmother didn't actually add bluing to her baked beans, but she told us she did so "we all would fart a blue streak!" As I stood there, I lovingly smiled as I remembered my Nana.

As a child we would sing this ditty and giggle:

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel.
Then you're ready for  another meal...

What exactly is it about a fart that makes it so funny? And so embarassing?

I looked up bluing and found this additional use for it and got even more tickled and thought maybe my grandmother did add a drop or two of bluing in her beans since our bloodline is descendants to the Salem witches. Of all the people who were accused, imprisoned, tried and executed for witchcraft, I am directly related to over 40 of those people. I've been doing genealogy research for almost 30 years and have done a couple DNA tests. It's truly amazing what you find out when you start digging...

Obviously, my grandmother had her own method of cleansing a house of evil spirits.

A GIFT FOR EVERYONE

Television commercials back in the Stone Age when I was a kid were anything, but outrageous or shocking. Just reflect for a moment and think how prim and proper everything used to be. Do you remember how the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) kept a tight lid on anything that strayed outside the norm and might be considered offensive or profane? Today just about anything is acceptable. Can you imagine what the public outcry would have been decades ago if an erectile dysfunction or feminine hygiene commercial would have aired? Now, everyone has been properly desensitized and nothing seems shocking or in bad taste.

Yes, it wasn't too long ago when many topics and products were deemed off limits to advertise or discuss. Those products existed, but they were shopped for in secrecy and hidden away as if anyone who used them was somehow defective and twisted. Now, most people just roll their eyes when a Viagra or Cialis commercial comes on the television. K-Y Jelly may still illicit a chuckle or a rude comment or two in some circles, but even the manufacturers of K-Y stepped it up a notch by coming out with K-Y Yours and Mine Couples Lubricant for those moments you want to explore new feelings together. Condoms? No big deal! Do you have a problem with flatulence? Try Bean-O! Do you have leaky pipes? Grab a Depends and worry no more. So what's next?

Is there anything deemed outrageous anymore? When Poo-pourri first hit the market, I thought their commercial.was hilarious. It wasn't until I discovered Poo-pourri is a legitimate product that it really made me laugh. Now when someone says their shit doesn't stink, they may be telling you the truth. And nothing quite says "Merry Christmas" like Merry Spritzmas Poo-pourri and a gift box full of shit glitter pills. Got a princess on your gift list or someone who is impossible to shop for because they have EVERYTHING already? Check Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Nordstrom or Bloomingdale's to see who sells high end shit glitter pills for $450 per capsule. On a budget? Be creative and make your own glitter pills. [*LIGHTBULB MOMENT*] I think the next time I have a colonoscopy, I'm going to load up on glitter pills to make my intestines festive looking for the gastroenterologist. 

*repost from July 27, 2018