30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY THIRTY-ONE

Truth #31: By now, I'm sure everyone has made their list of New Year's resolutions to be broken! Yes, how many years have you actually kept any of those things you meant to do but didn't? Diets? Exercising? Stop smoking? Stop drinking? Have a baby? Get a new job? Find love? Move to a new location? Get out of debt? Buy a new house? Ask for a promotion? Get a divorce? Etc., etc.? And if nobody noticed I added an extra truth and made it 31 truths...oh well, I cheated! What can I say? 

New Year’s History: Festive Facts:

Cultures around the world and through history have commemorated the ending of one year and the beginning of another with special foods, music and other rituals. Here are some facts about the holiday today and its associated traditions.

What does “Auld Lang Syne” mean, and why do we sing the song at midnight on New Year’s Eve?

“Auld Lang Syne,” the title of a Scottish folk song that many English speakers sing at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, roughly translates to “days gone by.” The poet Robert Burns is credited with transcribing, adapting and partially rewriting it in the late 18th century. Its lyrics, which rhetorically ask whether “auld acquaintance” should “be forgot,” have been interpreted as a call to remember friends and experiences from the past.

Though sung on New Year’s Eve since the mid-19th century, it became firmly cemented as a holiday standard when Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians played it during a radio broadcast from New York’s Roosevelt Hotel at midnight on December 31, 1929. The band went on to perform the hit every year until 1976, and loudspeakers continue to blast their rendition after the annual ball drop in Times Square.

Who were the first to make resolutions for the new year?

People have been pledging to change their ways in the new year—whether by getting in shape, quitting a bad habit or learning a skill—for an estimated 4,000 years now. The tradition is thought to have first caught on among the ancient Babylonians, who made promises in order to earn the favor of the gods and start the year off on the right foot. (They would reportedly vow to pay off debts and return borrowed farm equipment.)

The age-old custom of breaking one’s newly formed resolutions within several months—a fate that befalls the majority of would-be reformers, according to statistics—probably originated shortly thereafter.

When was the first New Year’s Eve ball dropped in New York’s Times Square?

An estimated 1 billion people around the world watch each year as a brightly lit ball descends down a pole atop the One Times Square building at midnight on New Year’s Eve. The world-famous celebration dates back to 1904, when the New York Times newspaper relocated to what was then known as Longacre Square and convinced the city to rename the neighborhood in its honor. At the end of the year, the publication’s owner threw a raucous party with an elaborate fireworks display.

When the city banned fireworks in 1907, an electrician devised a wood-and-iron ball that weighed 700 pounds, was illuminated with 100 light bulbs and was dropped from a flagpole at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Lowered almost every year since then, the iconic orb has undergone several upgrades over the decades and now weighs in at nearly 12,000 pounds. In more recent years, various towns and cities across America have developed their own versions of the Times Square ritual, organizing public drops of items ranging from pickles (Dillsburg, Pennsylvania) to possums (Tallapoosa, Georgia) at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Who made January 1 the first of the year?

Throughout antiquity, civilizations around the world developed increasingly sophisticated calendars, typically pinning the first day of the year to an agricultural or astronomical event. In Egypt, for instance, the year began with the annual flooding of the Nile, which coincided with the rising of the star Sirius. The first day of Lunar New Year (also called Chinese New Year), meanwhile, occurred with the second new moon after the winter solstice.

In ancient Rome, the original calendar consisted of 10 months and 304 days, with each new year beginning at the vernal equinox; according to tradition, it was created by Romulus, the founder of Rome, in the eighth century B.C.

Over the centuries, the calendar fell out of sync with the sun, and in 46 B.C. Julius Caesar decided to solve the problem by consulting with the most prominent astronomers and mathematicians of his time. He introduced the Julian calendar, which closely resembles the more modern Gregorian calendar that most countries around the world use today. As part of his reform, Caesar established January 1 as the first day of the year, partly to honor the month’s namesake: Janus, the Roman god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future.

In medieval Europe, Christian leaders replaced January 1 as the first of the year with days carrying more religious significance, such as December 25 (the anniversary of Jesus’ birth) and March 25 (the Feast of the Annunciation). Pope Gregory XIII reestablished January 1 as New Year’s Day in 1582.

What are some traditional New Year’s foods?

At New Year’s Eve parties and celebrations around the world, revelers enjoy meals and snacks thought to bestow good luck for the coming year. In Spain and several other Spanish-speaking countries, people bolt down a dozen grapes—symbolizing their hopes for the months ahead—right before midnight. In many parts of the world, traditional New Year’s dishes feature legumes, which are thought to resemble coins and herald future financial success; examples include lentils in Italy and black-eyed peas in the southern United States.

Because pigs represent progress and prosperity in some cultures, pork appears on the New Year’s Eve table in Cuba, Austria, Hungary, Portugal and other countries. Ring-shaped cakes and pastries, a sign that the year has come full circle, round out the feast in the Netherlands, Mexico, Greece and elsewhere. In Sweden and Norway, meanwhile, rice pudding with an almond hidden inside is served on New Year’s Eve; it is said that whoever finds the nut can expect 12 months of good fortune.

What do Paul Revere, J. Edgar Hoover, Lorenzo de Medici, Betsy Ross and Pope Alexander VI have in common?

All of these historical figures came into the world on January 1. According to tradition, babies born on the first of the year grow up to enjoy the luckiest of lives, bringing joy and good fortune to those around them.

The use of a baby as a personification of the new year has been traced to ancient Greece, where an infant in a basket was paraded around to mark the annual rebirth of Dionysus, the god of wine and fertility. Sometimes accompanied by Father Time, “Baby New Year” has appeared in banners, cartoons, posters and cards for several hundred years.

A TUNE FOR TODAY

The story this video tells is superb...

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY THIRTY

Truth #30: Forcing myself to go out to have some fun has become too much of a hassle when I can simply stay at home where it's warm in the winter and cool in the summer, I can lounge around comfortably, I can play with my pets and watch Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime,etc. at my own  convenience. I remember a time when it was a curse if I didn't have something planned for the weekend. What would people think if you didn't go out on Friday night and now who cares? What could I do on Friday night that I haven't done hundreds of times in the past? Perhaps that's the wrong attitude to have, but it seems the older I get, the more large crowds of people irritate me. The thought of rude people pushing and bumping into me just doesn't seem thrill me anymore. Spending money on overpriced things only irritates me. So the verdict is in...yes, I'm a crabby, old person one step short of being that crazy old bag lady walking down the street talking to herself about how wicked and vile the world has become!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

 A Modern Day Love Story (complete with colorful expletives and emojis, of course)

December 26th

I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion,

Agnes💓

December 27th

Dearest John,

Today the postman brought your sweet gift. Just imagine ......... two turtle doves! I'm just delighted at your thoughtfulness. They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes💓

December 28th

Dearest John,

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one? Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity ..........THREE French Hens!!! They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind.

Love,

Agnes💓

December 29th

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough? You are being TOO romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes💋

December 30th

Dearest John,

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings... one for every finger. You are just impossible, but I love it. Frankly all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes💋

December 31st

Dear John,

What goes on? When I opened the door today there were actually six geese-a- layin' on my front steps, so your back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are HUGE. Where will I even keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,

Agnes✋

January 1st

John,

What's with you and these fucking birds? Seven Swans-a-swimming. What kind of damn joke is that? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, so STOP...OKAY?

Sincerely,

Agnes✋

January 2nd

OKAY, Buster,

I think I prefer the birds...what the hell am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off, Smartass!!!

Agnes💪

January 3rd

Listen Shithead,

What are you, some kind of idiot? Now there's nine pipers playing, and Christ do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset, and they're stomping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors are starting a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours,

Agnes😠

January 4th

You Dirty Prick!!!

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call these sluts "ladies". They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and furthermore, they have diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The City Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to show cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the cops on you..........I mean it!!!🖕

January 5th

You DIRTY, ROTTEN, BASTARD!!!

What's with the eleven Lords-a-Leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through all the maids, and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead...they were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you stupid fucking moron.

Your ETERNAL ENEMY,

Agnes🖕

January 6th

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes Crawford. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you attempt to reach Miss Crawford at the sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TWENTY-NINE

Truth #29: As a young person, we all think we are invincible. We can survive on alcohol, junk food, drugs and practically no sleep and be ready to go do it all over again the next day. The abuse we put ourselves through both physically and mentally isn't something we ever give much thought to until something happens to us or to someone we love. As we get older that abuse catches up to us in the form of health problems. Most of us learn the hard way that we have to take care of our bodies. We have to eat right and exercise. We have to stay hydrated with water and not booze or Coke. Those bad habits like smoking, alcohol and drugs, take their toll in enormous ways on our bodies and on our personal lives and relationships. If we don't part ways with them, they will devour us and unfortunately, be our demise. 

Here are a few things that usually develop as a result of neglecting our bodies:

Heart problems: Alcohol and most drugs are linked to heart and blood vessel problems. This can lead to irregular heartbeat, heart attack, stroke, and death.

Dental problems: Many different substances cause dental problems, like dry mouth and tooth decay.

Lung problems: Smoking or inhaling drugs can damage your lungs and increase your risk for lung problems like bronchitis or lung cancer.

Infections: Injecting drugs increases your risk of infections like HIV, hepatitis, or heart and skin infections. Drug use can also weaken your immune system, making you more vulnerable to infections.

Kidney damage: Some drugs can damage your kidneys directly or make them have to work harder than normal.

Liver damage: Alcohol and drugs can damage your liver, especially when combined.

Mental health problems: Many drugs can worsen or cause new mental health problems like depression or anxiety.

Cancer: Cigarettes and alcohol have been linked to different types of cancer. 

[I'd like to dedicate this post to my biological father who died at 58 years old from complications of what years of alcoholism and smoking 3 packs of non-filtered cigarettes daily did to his body.]

MORE ADULT CHRISTMAS HUMOR