PARALYSIS

One never realizes how far they have come in their

own journey of grief until they look back upon it. I just

found this poem I wrote about my mother dated March 14, 2021.

Paralysis

While spring has sprung,

the memory of death is all around me.

My nostrils welcome the sweet aroma of the springtime air

while it hides the putrid stench of decay and loss

with its perfume, a beguiling mask, a welcome escape.

The birds sing while I weep

Announcing the rebirth, a new beginning...a hunger for life

After such an unceremonious ending

My heart is broken.

Will this sadness dissipate or

Do I also just slip away into the night

Alone, lost and fearing the cold hand of death?

by Mildred Ratched aka Red Kitten >^.^< 

That's enough for today...I think I may go paint a picture!

DAY 5 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 5: A song that needs to be played loud

With so many great songs to choose from I decided to pay homage to Jim Morrison and The Doors this morning. Set your groove dials back a few decades and rock out to this one with the volume pumped up...

*The Doors began with a chance meeting between acquaintances Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek on Venice Beach in July 1965. They recognized one another from when they had both attended the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television. Morrison told Manzarek he had been writing songs. As Morrison would later relate to Jerry Hopkins in Rolling Stone, "Those first five or six songs I wrote, I was just taking notes at a fantastic rock concert that was going on inside my head. And once I'd written the songs, I had to sing them." With Manzarek's encouragement, Morrison sang the opening words of "Moonlight Drive": "Let's swim to the moon, let's climb through the tide, penetrate the evening that the city sleeps to hide." Manzarek was inspired, thinking of all the music he could play to accompany these "cool and spooky" lyrics.

Manzarek was then in a band called Rick & the Ravens with his brothers Rick and Jim, while drummer John Densmore was playing with the Psychedelic Rangers and knew Manzarek from meditation classes. Densmore joined the group later in August 1965. Together, they combined varied musical backgrounds, from jazz, rock, blues, and folk music idioms. The five, along with bass player Patty Sullivan, and now christened the Doors, recorded a six-song demo on September 2, 1965, at World Pacific Studios in Los Angeles. The band took their name from the title of Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception, itself derived from a line in William Blake's The Marriage of Heaven and Hell: "If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite." In late 1965, after Manzarek's two brothers left, guitarist Robby Krieger joined.

From February to May 1966, the group had a residency at the "rundown" and "sleazy" Los Angeles club London Fog, appearing on the bill with "Rhonda Lane Exotic Dancer". The experience gave Morrison confidence to perform in front of a live audience, and the band as a whole to develop and, in some cases, lengthen their songs and work "The End" and "Light My Fire" into the pieces that would appear on their debut album. Manzarek later said that at the London Fog the band "became this collective entity, this unit of oneness ... that is where the magic began to happen." The group soon graduated to the more esteemed Whisky a Go Go, where they were the house band (starting from May 1966), supporting acts, including Van Morrison's group Them. On their last night together the two bands joined up for "In the Midnight Hour" and a twenty-minute jam session of "Gloria".

On August 10, 1966, they were spotted by Elektra Records president Jac Holzman, who was present at the recommendation of Love singer Arthur Lee, whose group was with Elektra Records. After Holzman and producer Paul A. Rothchild saw two sets of the band playing at the Whisky a Go Go, they signed them to the Elektra Records label on August 18 — the start of a long and successful partnership with Rothchild and sound engineer Bruce Botnick. The Doors were fired from the Whisky on August 21, 1966, when Morrison added an explicit retelling and profanity-laden version of the Greek myth of Oedipus during "The End".

The Doors were the first American band to accumulate eight consecutive gold LPs. According to the RIAA, they have sold 34 million albums in the United States and over 100 million records worldwide, making them one of the best-selling bands of all time. The Doors have been listed as one of the greatest artists of all time by magazines including Rolling Stone, which ranked them 41st on its list of the "100 Greatest Artists of All Time." In 1993, they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

*borrowed from Wikipedia 

PENGUINS

 I hadn't painted anything in quite awhile...

WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS NOW?

[This whole post goes hand in hand with today's song! The first part of this post is taken from a post written in 2006 where I'm discussing an ongoing game of cat and mouse played between The Wizzard and me that spans from 2004 to 2018. The end of the post I wrote this morning where as I have to admit that cat and mouse game never stopped until The Wizzard as I nicknamed him because he was such a great sailor took his last breath. He did his first solo sail from Rhode Island to Bermuda when he was 15. By the way, I intentionly spelled Wizzard with two z's.] 

At present, I am engaged in a rather odd ongoing rather lengthy game of cat and mouse. I'm usually up for anything challenging, risky and a bit unconventional. As a participant, I'm always confident of the outcome, yet in this case I haven't figured out who's the cat, who's the mouse and what the stakes are for playing this game. I do, however, know all things come with some sort of a pricetag, but this pricetag seems so elusive. Win or lose, I know my investment (perseverance, honesty and unconditional love) has not gone unnoticed and on some level are qualities that have kept me in this game. My mind reflects on the serenity prayer remembering the difference between the things I can and can not change, but I choose to change nothing and remain steadfast until the end. I'll roll the dice and see what happens.... I fear the extremes, yet crave them like a drug. As this subtle, unrehearsed, spontaneous dance continues, the issue of options seems like a worthy topic to hold my focus for awhile...What are my options? I'm told to make my own options and eventually I will. Eventually, when all is said and done, things will have happened just as they were supposed to happen.

Out of the blue, the conversation changes from idle chitchat about basically nothing to let's read between the lines and see who can be more stubborn.The Wizzard or Red Kitten?

Wizzard: What would you do with me?
Red Kitten: Huh?
Wizzard: I said, "What would you do with me?"
Red Kitten: Yes, I saw that
Wizzard: And?
Red Kitten: And if I have to do something with you, what are my options and I'll pick one...maybe two things.
Wizzard: Make your own options.
Red Kitten: Yeah right!
Wizzard: I asked, "What would you do with me?"
Wizzard: You get to name the options, what are ya skeered?
Red Kitten: You know nothing scares me.
Wizzard: So?
Wizzard: Afraid of laying it on the line?
Red Kitten: Okay...I'd pick a ride on your bike and a few laughs.
Wizzard: Sounds like a good time.
Red Kitten: I think you know me better than that...like I said, nothing scares me.
Red Kitten: Are you afraid to lay it on the line?
Wizzard: But that sounds like a good time, low risk.
Red Kitten: It sounds like a male thing to me.
Red Kitten: lol

This is where the Wizzard retreats until next time and although we maintained a lasting friendship he never was able to tell me what he wanted from me. Unfortunately, it became a stalmate because neither one of us would budge. Too many things had happened between us for his simple apologies to fix the problems or for his amazing charm to gloss over the pain I felt. He had crushed my ego and made me question my self-worth.

The damage had been done and there was no walking that back. My heart would never trust him again and as it seems many years later my heart hasn't been able to trust anyone since. We remained friends, but we never were lovers again. The Wizzard moved from Texas to North Carolina and wanted me to join him there, but I couldn't...I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow him back inside my head and my heart like that again.

The Wizzard died in 2018 and I never saw him before he died so we could say our good byes.  

I did however find out what the pricetag for this cat and mouse game we played with each other was...it was my heart!

What are my options now? It's to move on and stop beating myself up. It's to mend my self-worth in whatever way I can. What Tom did was cruel, but it's been just as cruel of me to have bought into it all this time. I know who I am. Yes, I have flaws and impefections. We all have flaws! Someone who is going to love me, will love the whole package, flaws and all. That person won't make me feel like less of a person for not being perfect.

DAY 4 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

Day 4: A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget

*Sir George Ivan Morrison (born 31 August 1945), known professionally as Van Morrison, is a Northern Irish singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist whose recording career spans six decades. He has won two Grammy Awards.

As a teenager in the late 1950s, he played a variety of instruments such as guitar, harmonica, keyboards and saxophone for several Irish showbands, covering the popular hits of that time. Known as "Van the Man" to his fans,Morrison rose to prominence in the mid 1960s as the lead singer of the Northern Irish R&B and rock band Them. With Them, he recorded the garage band classic "Gloria".

Under the pop-oriented guidance of Bert Berns, Morrison's solo career began in 1967 with the release of the hit single "Brown Eyed Girl". After Berns's death, Warner Bros. Records bought out Morrison's contract and allowed him three sessions to record Astral Weeks (1968). While initially a poor seller, the album has become regarded as a classic. Moondance (1970) established Morrison as a major artist and he built on his reputation throughout the 1970s with a series of acclaimed albums and live performances.

Much of Morrison's music is structured around the conventions of soul music and early rhythm and blues. An equal part of his catalogue consists of lengthy, spiritually inspired musical journeys that show the influence of Celtic tradition, jazz and stream-of-consciousness narrative, such as the album Astral Weeks.The two strains together are sometimes referred to as "Celtic soul." His live performances have been described as "transcendental" and "inspired," and his music as attaining "a kind of violent transcendence."

Morrison's albums have performed well in Ireland and the UK, with more than 40 reaching the UK top 40. With the release of 2021's Latest Record Project, Volume 1 he scored top ten albums in the UK in four consecutive decades. Eighteen of his albums have reached the top 40 in the United States, twelve of them between 1997 and 2017. He has received two Grammy Awards, the 1994 Brit Award for Outstanding Contribution to Music, the 2017 Americana Music Lifetime Achievement Award for Songwriting and has been inducted into both the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. In 2016, he was knighted for services to the music industry and to tourism in Northern Ireland.

 * borrowed from Wikipedia

CHRISTMAS WITH THE WALTONS

I wish I could take credit for this story but alas, it is not one of Mildred's. It was written in 2006 and is titled Christmas, Family and Porn but is still worthy of reposting reading today in my most humble opinion. There's no need to worry because it contains ABSOLUTELY NO PORN so you won't need to cover your eyes! lol

It’s a few days before Christmas and I’m visiting my sister. My brother-in-law’s mother lives with them in a very nice suite in the basement, she is however in California for the holidays. My Dad and step mom are visiting from California and occupying the guest room. Bare with me folks because sleeping arrangements figure into the story.

After dinner, conversation, and libations we all head off to bed. I get the mother-in-law suite. I get into bed and notice someone is still up and watching an action film in the home theater room. Now, I don’t have to tell you, but I will, it’s a tad loud and booming through the walls. In the spirit of the holidays, I decide I’ll just watch the tube until whoever goes to bed. My sister’s house has like a million TV channels. Poor peasant that I am I don’t even have HBO. I’m flipping through channels, there’s Harry Potter, nah, then Dexter, nah, half over and then the show REAL SEX, bingo! Like most folks I find sex mildly interesting so I’m gonna watch.

This particular segment was about the company Real Dolls who manufacture those $7,000 sex dolls. Well they have finally come out with a male doll. I will refer to the doll as Beach Boy Bob or Bob. All products must test marketed and this one is no exception. The company hired three “experts” (porn stars) to run Bob through his paces. So I’m watching. Now this probably a good time to mention that the bathroom connected to the suite has a second entrance from the hall. I hear the door open from the hall. I’ve left the light on in the bath so I can see. Into the bathroom walks my brother-in-law and he appears to fishing in his sweats for his little soldier. He notices the sounds coming from the room and begins to wander in asking, “Hey who’s in here?” I say, “It’s just me.” His attention moves from the bed to the TV where one “expert” has mounted Bob and the other two are helping her so to speak. The action is at a fever pitch. I say, I’m watching that show Real Sex. I say this as if that will make it clear that I’m not just watching any old porn but the classy HBO kind of porn. My brother-in-law gets a look of embarrassed horror on his face, a look that screams my eyes, my eyes, and in my mother’s bed. He tries to quickly retreat from the room and close the door behind him. Unfortunately, for both of us, I have hung some of my clothes on the door and they are preventing it from closing. They fall to the floor, he picks them up, places them back on the door and tries to close it again, and they fall to the floor again. In frustration, he throws the clothes onto the lazy boy and slams the door.

I find the whole thing hysterically funny and I can’t wait to tell everyone in the morning. My sister refers to this episode as, THE INCIDENT THAT DARE NOT SPEAK IT”S NAME. My brother-in-law claims that his therapy will be very expensive and I won’t find the bill so funny. So how was your Christmas?

I'll have to admit after reading this post, I was curious as to whether there have been any advances since 2006 and was surprised to find out they have all sorts of devices and gadgets to blow one's mind sexually! They even have robots for those who can afford them. Color me old-fashioned, but it makes me wonder if people even want to have sex the tradional way or some variation of it any more or if it's all about games, gimics, toys and marital aids? Geez! Maybe I need to go back to that website and have another look-see! lol