THE TRUTH IS A VIRUS

[Originally written April 9, 2009, taken from an excerpt on my blog, Abnormally Normal People, edited and reposted]

Truth? As far out on the edge as I've teetered, something has always kept me from stepping into the abyss. Truth? My pain and I have a very intimate relationship. It’s very complicated and the only lasting relationship I’ve ever had. It’s definitely a love-hate relationship full of angst and exploration leading me into places where I’m able to forget my pain temporarily. During those times, life has been wonderful and filled with adventures, but nonetheless those times were temporary.

Is there anyone out there who has ever gotten to the point of saying "I'm done"? Well, what do you do when you're done? What do you do when you look back at the life you've lived and see that it's taken you to a place of true complacency and indifference? Wow! That's a place I never thought I'd be! Anger maybe. Rage was always a possibility. Bitterness was always aching to be number one on the hit parade, but what did I get? Complacency and indifference salted with a dash of disillusionment.

Without all the gory details, I recently made a decision that possibly could be the queen of all my self-destructive acts. I know some might think anyone making the decision to stop an addiction... any addiction is a wise decision. Perhaps it is! What would one say to someone who is addicted to prescribed narcotics and muscle relaxers and who has decided to stop taking those drugs against medical advice? Hmmmmmmm! Go for it? Good luck? You’re a damn fool? There’s no escaping the truth. When you’re done, you’re done.

Truth? Drugs have veiled many of my written words over the past several years. Okay, for some that may come as no big surprise, but for me it does. What surprises me is that after living through the horrors of drug abuse at a younger age, I allowed myself to take the easy way out as an adult and become something I hated. I would like nothing more than to be able to blame the doctors who prescribed the drugs to me, but I can't do that. I won’t do that! They had a job to do and did it. What transpired was a perfectly legal act, although some might question the ethics or morals involved.

Was I some drug-seeking individual that goes from doctor to doctor hoping to score some decent drugs? Truth? No! My medical problems set me on the path of having the best drugs health insurance could legally buy. Unfortunately, the nature of the beast includes developing a tolerance to prescribed narcotics. What may work initially only becomes a way to take the edge off and feel somewhat normal…. whatever normal is I’ve forgotten.

After careful consideration, I decided to go cold turkey. Is that the politically correct term these days or is it only showing my age? I decided to do this withdrawal in stages thinking that it would be easier on me due to other health issues. Instead of weaning myself off my meds, I abruptly stopped taking my Oxycontin first and now, I’m in the throes of a nasty divorce from Percocet 10’s. The muscle relaxers were flushed sometime in the midst of all this madness. Has my last month been fun? Hell no, but what I do know is that withdrawal can be accomplished. All it takes is determination and insanity will take you the rest of the way.

Gratitude statement: I'm grateful for having another blog I can steal stuff from when I don't feel like journaling.

DAY 29 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 29: A song you remember from childhood

The first German version in the English language was recorded by the Swing Orchestra Heinz Wehner (1908–1945) in March 1940 in Berlin. Wehner, at this time a well-known international German swing artist, also took over the vocals. The first German version in German language was sung by Inge Brandenburg (1929–1999) in 1960.

On the album Facing Future (1993), Israel Kamakawiwoʻole included "Over the Rainbow" in a ukulele medley with "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. Kamakawiwoʻole called the recording studio at 3 a.m. He was given 15 minutes to arrive by Milan Bertosa. Bertosa said, "And in walks the largest human being I had seen in my life. Israel was probably like 500 pounds. And the first thing at hand is to find something for him to sit on." A security guard gave Israel a large steel chair. "Then I put up some microphones, do a quick sound check, roll tape, and the first thing he does is 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow.' He played and sang, one take, and it was over."

Kamakawiwoʻole's version reached number 12 on the Billboard Hot Digital Tracks chart during the week of January 31, 2004 (for the survey week ending January 18, 2004). In the U.S., it was certified Platinum for 1,000,000 downloads sold. As of October 2014 it had sold over 4.2 million digital copies.

In the UK his version was released as a single under the title "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". It entered the UK Official Singles Chart in April 2007 at number 68. In Germany, the single also returned to the German Singles Chart in September 2010. After two weeks on that chart, it received gold status for selling 150,000 copies. In October 2010, it reached number one on the German charts. In 2011 was certified 5× gold for selling over 750,000 copies. It stayed 12 non-consecutive weeks at the top spot and was the most successful single in Germany in 2010. In March 2010 it was the second best-selling download in Germany with digital sales between 500,000 and 600,000. In France, it debuted at number four in December 2010 and reached number one. In Switzerland, it received Platinum status for 30,000 copies sold.

Kamakawiwoʻole's version of "Over the Rainbow" has been used in commercials, films and television programs, including 50 First Dates, Charmed, Cold Case, ER, Finding Forrester, Horizon, Life on Mars, Meet Joe Black, Scrubs, Snakes on a Plane, Son of the Mask, and the television series South Pacific. The Kamakawiwoʻole version was sung by the cast of Glee on the season one finale "Journey" and included on Glee: The Music, Journey to Regionals, charting at number 30 in the UK, 31 in Canada and Ireland, 42 in Australia, and 43 in the U.S.

Eva Cassidy recorded a version of the song for The Other Side (1992). After her death in 1996, it was included on the posthumous compilation Songbird (1998). In December 2000, a clip of Cassidy performing the song was featured on the BBC2 program Top of the Pops 2. Following the premiere, it became the program's most-requested video in history, and demand for the album soared after the clip was re-aired in January 2001. The song was subsequently released as a single the same month, on January 29.

"Over the Rainbow" debuted at number 88 on the UK Singles Chart in February 2001 and climbed to number 42 in May, becoming Cassidy's first single to chart in the United Kingdom. In Scotland, it reached number 36, giving Cassidy her first top-40 single in that region. It was her highest-charting song in the United Kingdom until 2007, when "What a Wonderful World" reached number one. The song also reached number 27 in Ireland in December, becoming her only top-40 hit in that country.

Cassidy's recording was selected by the BBC for its Songs of the Century album in 1999. Her performance at Blues Alley appeared on the album Simply Eva (2011).

On 3 December 2001, the British singer Cliff Richard recorded a cover of the mashup "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"/"What a Wonderful World" on his album Wanted. At the time of release the official website for the album explained that it consisted of "hits Cliff's always 'Wanted' to record." The album is primarily made up of cover songs, including songs by artists such as Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Carole King and Tina Turner. The inspiration for the album came when Richard was sent a copy of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's recording of "Over the Rainbow" combined with "What a Wonderful World" weeks into the year 2000 and he knew immediately he wanted to record it.

The mashup reggae-themed track with a lot of similarities to the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole arrangement was released as the debut single from the album Wanted and charted on the UK Singles Chart peaking at number 11 and stayed for 6 weeks in the British charts. Richard premiered it on the Open House with Gloria Hunniford on 6 November 2001. On the date of release of the single on 3 December 2001, he was invited to the ITV programme This Morning to perform it live. He also performed it at the Premier Christmas Spectacular at Methodist Westminster Central Hall in London on 14 December 2001.

Danielle Hope, the winner of the BBC talent show Over the Rainbow, released a cover version of the song as a digital download on May 23, 2010, and a single on May 31, 2010. As it was recorded before a winner was announced, runners-up Lauren Samuels and Sophie Evans also recorded versions.

The single was a charity record that raised money for the BBC Performing Arts Fund and Prostate UK.

American singer Ariana Grande released a version of the song on June 6, 2017, to raise money at her benefit concert One Love Manchester after 22 people were killed in the Manchester Arena bombing at Grande's concert on May 22, 2017.

Art Tatum recorded four jazz covers in 1939, 1948, 1953 and 1956 where he extravagantly improvises over the original melody on piano. The 1939 version was recorded only three days after the movie came out.

The song appears in the conclusion of the film adaptation of Junior Miss, whose protagonist is named Judy.

The Demensions recorded an ethereal, orchestral and dreamy doo-wop version, arranged by composer Seymour Barab that reached number 16 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1960.

In 1966, the girl group Patti LaBelle and the Bluebelles recorded the song for their album Over the Rainbow, which reached No. 20 on the R&B album charts as a doo-wop rendition.

Katharine McPhee's version in 2006 reached number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Nicholas David, a contestant on the third season of The Voice, recorded a version that went to number 96 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2012 with sales of 48,000 copies.

*(borrowed from Wikipedia)

MY DOCTOR'S BEDSIDE MANNER

I was at one of my doctors yesterday for a follow-up (the list seems to be growing longer each day) when my doctor felt the need to tell me an off color joke. He asked me what were the 3 words a woman hates to hear during sex. As he's asking me this I'm thinking, "WTF! Why is he telling me a joke?" I shrugged my shoulders as an indicator to show him I'm pretty clueless. I barely even remember the last time I had sex let alone what I might have hated to hear in the throes of passion. Enlighten me, doctor...PLEASE! QUICKLY! The suspense was killing me! When he said, "Honey, I'm home!" followed by telling me he works til 10 some nights and rarely sees his wife, I really thought WTF. I left his office wondering if I had just been hit on or if it was just his style to break the ice in this peculiar manner. Next time I see him, I'll ask him if he knows why women have such problems with depth perception. When he looks as puzzled as I must have looked, I'll smile sweetly as I tell him, "It's because they've always been told this much |____________________________| is 6 inches!" And for all those who might be wondering....no, he isn't my gynecologist! Believe it or not, he was my pain management doctor and after today I started looking for a new doctor to treat that part of my health care.

*repost from January 6, 2012

DAY 28 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 28: A song by an artist whose voice you love

Houston was a long-time supporter of several charities all around the world. In 1989, she established the Whitney Houston Foundation for Children. It offered medical assistance to sick and homeless children, fought to prevent child abuse, taught children to read, created inner-city parks and playgrounds and granted college scholarships, including one to The Juilliard School.

At a 1988 Madison Square Garden concert, Houston earned more over $250,000 for the United Negro College Fund (UNCF).

Houston donated all of the earnings from her 1991 Super Bowl XXV performance of "The Star Spangled Banner" sales to Gulf War servicemen and their families. The record label followed suit and she was voted to the American Red Cross Board of Directors as a result. Following the terrorist attacks in 2001, Houston re-released "The Star Spangled Banner" to support the New York Firefighters 9/11 Disaster Relief Fund and the New York Fraternal Order of Police. She waived her royalty rights to the song, which reached number one on charts in October 2001 and generated more than $1 million.

Houston declined to perform in apartheid-era South Africa in the 1980s. Her participation at the 1988 Freedomfest performance in London (for a then-imprisoned Nelson Mandela) grabbed the attention of other musicians and the media.

In addition, Houston became an activist for the fight against HIV and AIDS during the first decade of the AIDS epidemic. The Whitney Houston Foundation for Children, in particular, focused on helping children who suffered from HIV/AIDS among other issues. In 1990, Whitney took part in Arista Records' 15th anniversary gala, which was an AIDS benefit, where she sang "I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)", "Greatest Love of All" and, with cousin Dionne Warwick, "That's What Friends Are For". In 1991, Whitney participated in the Reach Out & Touch Someone AIDS vigil at London in September 1991 while she was finishing her historic ten-date residency at London's Wembley Arena; there, she stressed the importance of AIDS research and addressing HIV stigma.

Noting of her influence as a gay icon, during the middle of her tour to promote the My Love Is Your Love album in June 1999, Whitney gave a surprise performance at the 13th Annual New

York City Lesbian & Gay Pride Dance at one of the city's West Side piers.

*(borrowed from Wikipedia) 

 

TO MILDRED FROM MILDRED

There are few absolutes in life. With the exception of birth, death and taxes everything else falls in a hazy gray area subject to loopholes, pitfalls and mediocrity. There is however one other thing I can say with 100% certainty about my life in general. No one should ever use my life as a model for sobriety. The road I've walked to get here has been an exhausting one. I did everything the Mildred Ratched method instead of doing them in a way that would have been faster, easier and with better results. Never being able to completely surrender has always been a huge problem for me. My inability to learn by other people's mistakes and having to do everything the hard way isn't due to any genetic mule-like tendency. My real problem stems from lack of trust. When a person is damaged at a young age, they spend their entire life either trying to heal or trying to run away... or both. 

Their futile attempts of trying to gain normalcy is like some slow emotional death sentence. Somehow they manage to prove ourselves right time after time by the unhealthy relationships they form and the tangled, drama-filled situations in which they become involved. The outcome is always the same...disaster, disappointment and despair. Throughout life I have learned how to skillfully navigate through failure, but never have learned the proper keys to success. As long as I manage to remove drama and negativity from my life, I'm able to stay afloat. As long as I isolate myself from having any intimate relationships involving love and sex, my thinking stays relatively unclouded. As long as I have virtually no life, I can live drug free. So what! So what if I can say "Hey, look at me. I stopped doing drugs!" My life absent of drugs is far from what anyone would call a life. Every fiber in me screams at anyone looking at my life for answers to look elsewhere. Anyone looking at me needs to quickly come to the conclusion that they need to do things the right way and not the Mildred Ratched method. They need to find a way to let go and trust others. They need to stick with it and know anything good in life requires great patience and extreme effort.  

So here I am 50 something years old and I'm wondering when the hell that happened. How have I managed to come so far, but never leave square one? The ugly truth is that I isolate myself just to stay sane, sober and safe. Surely, there could have, should have been some other way to get here, but Miss Mildred Mule picked the path of least resistance. She picked the path where all she had to do was do what she does best...listen to herself and no one else. Trust herself and no one else. In doing so, Mildred picked the path once again of self-destruction. Mildred's addiction without drugs is like a gun. She just keep loading her gun, placing it to her head and firing away. So far, her gun has shot blanks. So far all her gun has done is numb her to its horrors. So far, all her gun has done is kept her from living, from being able to succeed and be happy, from being able to accomplish anything that requires effort, focus and stamina. Pulling that trigger everyday is the easiest thing Mildred has ever done!

* reposted from November, 18, 2011

DAY 27 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 27: A song that breaks your heart 

On November 8 and 9, 1992, Browne performed in Honolulu with Bonnie Raitt, Crosby, Stills & Nash and the Pahinui Brothers in a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Iniki which had devastated the island of Kauai two months earlier.

On October 25, 2014, Browne performed at the Arlington Theatre in Santa Barbara, California, in a benefit concert for Sanctuary Centers of Santa Barbara, a nonprofit providing mental health and co-occurring disorders treatment services. Jessie Bridges, Jeff Bridges and David Crosby also performed at this benefit. On August 11, 2015, he performed another benefit concert for Sanctuary Centers at the Santa Barbara Bowl.

In November 2013, Browne performed with students from School of Rock West LA and Burbank in a benefit concert for the Rock School Scholarship Fund, at the legendary Troubadour in West Hollywood. His set of hits including "Somebody's Baby", "Doctor My Eyes", and "Take It Easy" were all performed with students aged 13 to 17 accompanying him. Money raised went toward scholarships for children who want to attend any rock school in the USA but whose parents do not have the financial means.

In April 2012, Browne performed for Artists for the Arts benefit along with Glen Phillips of Toad the Wet Sprocket and the band Venice. The benefit was to keep arts and music in public schools funded and raised over $100,000. This was Browne's fifth appearance out of the nine annual shows that have taken place. The band Venice was the main act and performed all supporting music for the guest artists along with a student orchestra and choir from the Santa Monica High and Malibu High school districts. The concert, held at Barnum Hall, was a sold-out event.

In 2008, Browne contributed to the album Songs for Tibet, an initiative to support Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso, and to publicize the human rights situation in Tibet. The album was issued on August 5 via iTunes and on August 19 in music stores around the world.

Browne covered John Lennon's "Oh My Love" to benefit Amnesty International's campaign to alleviate the crisis in Darfur. The song appears on the album Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur, which was released on June 12, 2007, and features many other artists performing other John Lennon covers, such as R.E.M., Jack Johnson, U2, Avril Lavigne, Green Day, and The Black Eyed Peas.

Browne performed live and recorded The Beatles song medley "Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight" in 1991 with Jennifer Warnes for the charity album For Our Children to benefit the Pediatrics AIDS Foundation. Browne and Warnes again performed it live for the Tucson, AZ, benefit concert.

Browne performed and sang the role of the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz in Concert: Dreams Come True, a 1995 musical performance for charity alongside Roger Daltrey, Natalie Cole, Nathan Lane, and other stars. The celebrity cast performed a reader's theatre and songs styled performance of the MGM film The Wizard of Oz at the Lincoln Center as a benefit for the Children's Defense Fund. VHS and CD recordings were released of the concert in 1996 by Rhino Records.

Browne covered Lowen & Navarro's "Weight of the World" on Keep The Light Alive: Celebrating The Music of Lowen & Navarro. The proceeds of the album benefit The Eric Lowen Trust, ALS Association Greater Los Angeles, and Augie's Quest.

Browne also held a benefit concert for the Rory David Deutsch Foundation which is dedicated to providing funding for brain tumor research and treatment.

In October 2010, Browne performed at both days of the 24th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert, a yearly fundraiser established by Neil Young. The Bridge School assists children with severe physical impairments and complex communication needs. Browne also appeared at the 2010 NAMM Conference in Anaheim, California with Yoko Ono and Quincy Jones in support of the John Lennon Educational Tour Bus.

On March 10, 2011, Browne, David Crosby, Graham Nash, Alice Cooper, and others performed a benefit concert in Tucson, Arizona, benefiting The Fund For Civility, Respect, and Understanding, a foundation that raises awareness about and provides medical prevention and treatment services to people with mental disorders. The concert also benefited victims of the January 8, 2011, shootings in Tucson.

On July 23, 2013, Browne performed with the Kings of Leon and the Flaming Lips in Oklahoma City for Rock for Oklahoma, a benefit concert for Oklahoma tornado victims.

Browne has continued to provide exclusive music tracks for various charity and benefit albums, including Safety Harbor Kids Holiday Collection (where he sang the Johnny Marks holiday song "Silver and Gold" with longtime friend Lowell George's daughter, Inara George). Browne provided a live version of "Drums of War" for The People Speak Soundtrack. Other charity albums he has contributed to include: Acordes Con Leonard Cohen (song: "A Thousand Kisses Deep"), From Wharf Rats to Lords of the Docks Soundtrack (song: "Step By Step"), Shrink (the Kevin Spacey film soundtrack) (song: "Here"), Keep the Light Alive: Celebrating the Music of Eric Lowen and Dan Navarro (song: "Weight of the World"), and 1% for the Planet: The Music, Vol. 1 (a live version of "About My Imagination"), as well as many benefit concert and other appearances.

In 2002, Browne received the John Steinbeck Award, given to artists who exemplify the environmental and social values that Steinbeck believed in.

On March 14, 2004, Browne was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by Bruce Springsteen. On June 7, 2007, he was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame.

In 2004, Browne was named an honorary Doctor of Music by Occidental College in Los Angeles for "a remarkable musical career that has successfully combined an intensely personal artistry with a broader vision of social justice." For "promoting peace and justice through his music and his unrelenting support for that which promotes nonviolent solutions to problems both nationally and internationally", Browne received the Courage of Conscience Awards from The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts.

In 2007, Browne was awarded the Chapin-World Hunger Year Harry Chapin Humanitarian Award.

In 2008, Browne received the NARM Harry Chapin Humanitarian Award.

In 2008, Browne received the Golden Plate Award of the American Academy of Achievement in recognition of his lifetime in the arts and dedication as a social activist. His award was presented by Awards Council member Senator Tom Daschle.

In 2018, Browne received the Gandhi Peace Award from the organization Promoting Enduring Peace. He is the first artist to receive the award.

*(borrowed from Wikipedia)