MIXED FEELINGS

Check out the mullet!

Last night my daughter, Christina sent me a text message telling me that my ex-husband, Jim wasn't doing well and probably wouldn't live much longer. Her ex step-brother, Josh had texted her to let her know the news and asked her to pass along the information to me with a copy of a short note I had written him years earlier back in the early 1990's. I wasn't too surprised about the news about Jim because he has never taken care of his health even when he was younger.  Of course, I have mixed feelings about the news and will deal with those feelings over time. Ho! Ho! Ho! 'Tis the season...

I have to admit that I was more surprised that Josh had kept that note than I was about the news about his father. When I read the note, I did so with a "red pen" in hand looking for errors. Of course, I found a few. Go figure!  What stuck out most to me was the part I wrote about God. You see, I am NOT a believer, but Josh is so I must have written that part for his benefit. Mildred has a heart after all! Shhhh! Let that be our little secret because I have a reputation to uphold. What brought a smile to my face were the personal touches that only he and I would know what they meant.  I have to admit the note brought a tear or two to my rather dry eyes.

I vaguely remember writing the note, but the circumstances aren't crystal clear. Old age is a bitch! Obviously, it must have been one of the times when Jim and I parted ways. Josh had finished high school and had started college.  I do feel proud of him because he went on to finish college and he became a doctor. His brother, Jason is also a doctor and his sister, Jamie works in the medical field as well.  I never had a close relationship with Jason and Jamie because they lived in another state with their mother and we only saw them periodically. Josh lived with us. And for the record...Josh was a handful and then some! I always thought he just needed someone to believe in him no matter what and I always tried to be that person.

When he finished college, he came and found me to let me know he had graduated and had been accepted into medical school and would be starting soon. The rest is history...

It's been a long time since I've heard from him and I know the circumstances suck, but I'm glad to know I still am in his thoughts occasionally.

KEEPING THE DOGS HAPPY

Spoiled dogs waiting for bones

Saturday morning I was coming back from a "shopping trip" at a local medical cannabis  dispensary (VidaCann) when I took a short cut across town because I wanted to stop at a certain grocery store to buy my spoiled dogs some bones. Publix is the only store here in Pensacola where the butcher packages the discarded bones and puts them in the freezer section. I cut across Michigan Avenue to get to Publix and before I knew it I was right by where I used to live with my ex-husband.

Keep in mind it's been a very long time since I've been married. When I say a very long time, I mean a VERY long time. I've been divorced since 1997. I'm not against marriage. I don't hate my ex-husband. I'm not bitter. I don't hate men. I think holding grudges and harboring resentment only hurts the person who holds that negative stuff inside them. I had to let that stuff go and forgive...not for their sake but for mine. And as for marriage... I found that being alone was better than being with the wrong person. I'm not saying there isn't a right person out there for me. All I'm saying is that to date, I haven't found that person. I'm not actively looking so chances of me finding that person is slim to nil...

Anyway, getting back to my little story. When I drove past where I used to live I had the strangest reaction. I got a knot in the pit of my stomach.  I'm not what I would call a high strung, anxious person, but seeing my old home sure brought out some anxiety or something in me.  All of sudden it was hard to breathe. I felt hot all over. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach and then I felt nauseous. It all passed rather quickly. Almost as quickly as it started. But I kept having a strange feeling like I almost expected to run into my ex-husband at the grocery store or some place else. I didn't and I'm glad I didn't. It just was weird and it rattled me for a moment or two and I usually don't get rattled. By the time I got home I was okay and my dogs were glad to see momma had brought them a special treat.