MY SECRET ADMIRER

After moving away from Pensacola in 1985 to get a "clean" start someplace else, I took the summer to get my head together and to figure out what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. One day while my children and I were at a secluded spot on St. Joe Beach, I spotted a man walking towards us in the shallow surf. He had long dark hair and dark, piercing eyes. Tanned and shirtless, he effortlessly navigated his way through the shallow surf. As he approached, I saw he was dragging something behind him on a line. My kids got excited when they saw all the fish he had caught. He stopped so they could investigate his catch.

As they frolicked in the water playing with his fish, he sat on the beach making smalltalk with me. As he eyed my lean, well-oiled body, I kept expecting him to make his move, but that never happened. When he left I watched him walk away until he was no longer in sight. It wasn't until that moment, I realized we hadn't even exchanged names. It was just a random meeting that meant nothing, but it remained stuck in my head for some reason. Who was that mystery man? Each day, we went back to the same spot, but I never saw him again. It really was just a brief meaningless encounter. By the end of summer, the trips to that secluded spot on the beach came to an end with the start of school. I also had taken a job at a local motel on Mexico Beach and worked my way very quickly from maid into the general manager's position. 

The owner, who was more than burnt out seemed eager to relinquish her duties to someone capable and willing to be manager so she could do other more important things like shop until she dropped and visit her daughter in Tallahassee a few hours away. As my life settled into the sterile reality of life without drugs, I seemed to work more and more until my life was filled with little else. One morning Robin (one of the maids) raced into the office to clock in before going to work. Before leaving, she turned and quickly told me I had a secret admirer almost as an afterthought. As she stood there waiting for me to respond, I noticed she had one of those "oh girl, you're gonna get it" smiles on her face. I looked up from the desk and coyly told her that I accept roses from all my secret admirers. What else could I say? 

The idea of having a secret admirer seemed ludicrous, but the very next day, a dozen long stem red roses were delivered to the motel with a card saying "I accept candlelit dinners!" I immediately looked around to see who was watching me. Was I on Candid Camera? I even wondered if one of the guests might have sent them. At first it felt creepy, but as I looked at the roses throughout the day I felt flattered and wondered what the man was like who had sent them to me. Curiosity got the better of me and by the end of the day being manager was at the bottom of my list of priorities. I had a new mission. I needed to meet my secret admirer. 

When Carol and Robin (mother and daughter) came to work the next day, I cornered them for details, but all they would tell me was that my secret admirer was a house guest of theirs from New York. He was family friend who was visiting and who had made some very typically male comments about me when he saw me a few times when he had dropped them off at work. I saw my interrogation wasn't going to net me any real information, so I was going to have to keep my eye out for this man, so I could discreetly check him out for myself. When I got home that evening, there was another dozen roses waiting for me with a card saying "Well?" 

I hardly slept that night wondering what thoughts were going through this man's head and what he wanted from me. I figured I knew what he wanted, but I guess what I really wondered was where all of this was heading. I had never played cat and mouse quite like this before and wondered if this was how it's done in New York. If so, maybe Florida wasn't where I needed to be! The next morning as I got ready for work, my thoughts were still on him...whoever he was. Should I meet him? If so, how should I meet him? Where should I meet him? When I went outside to leave, my car wouldn't start. Carol and Robin only lived a few blocks from me, so I called and asked if I could hitch a ride to work with them. 

Robin told me she'd be there in a few minutes to pick me up. A few minutes later, a car I had never seen before pulled into my driveway and sat idling by my backdoor, but no one got out! All of a sudden it hit me who was sitting in the car. My secret admirer had come to give me a ride to work! As calmly as I possible could, I walked towards the car and then hesitated before opening the door. As soon as I opened the door and slid into the front seat, this mystery man, my secret admirer wearing a huge smile on his face, asked me where I wanted to go. To my utter dismay, it was the fisherman I had met on the beach four months earlier. I asked him to drive me to the store before going to work if he didn't mind. 

He howled like a wolf in response. I laughed and thought I must be even crazier then he was to be in his car with him, a complete stranger. I made it to work eventually in one piece and without me asking, he was there to give me a ride home. He asked if he could look at my car, so I felt obligated to cook him dinner...no candles, but a meal that definitely started the ball rolling. For the next few days while my car was being repaired, he told me to use his car. Each day when I returned home, I fixed dinner and we seemed to fall into an easy way of doing things that felt right. He howled a lot and I laughed at him for doing it. And in those first few days, we had some of the most mind numbing sex I have ever had in my life. 

If nothing else, for me that definitely sealed the deal. Over and over again I asked myself, "Who is this mystery man?" And what did he really want from me? A few years later when the truth finally surfaced like it usually does if you wait long enough, I found out he had removed my distributor cap in the middle of the night to disable my car from starting. Our meeting from start to finish was just another one of his elaborate manipulations. When he let me borrow his car while he worked on mine, I discovered that he had a duffel bag full of laundry in his car that had somehow gotten wet. I asked him if he wanted me to wash and dry it before it mildewed and got ruined. He thanked me and said yes. 

When I had finished washing, drying and folding all his laundry, I asked him where he wanted me to put it. At that point, it seemed like a logical thing to ask since he hadn't left my house since the day I met him. He told me to put his stuff wherever I wanted to put it. I hesitated for only a second or two before walking into my bedroom and putting all his freshly laundered clothes away in the extra dresser I had in my bedroom. That decision started a 5 year relationship in which I learned that Italians and Irishmen are a fiery combination and one that would have been better suited by putting his clothes back in his duffel bag and sending him on his way. And as many times as I should have done exactly that, I rode it out for 5 years until I was just a broken shell of a person and all I had left was my very bruised survival instinct and shriveled ego. That bruised instinct was what finally saved me from my nemesis and secret admirer, the Anti-Christ as I affectionately called him. His real name was Sal and he was a very bad man.

THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

Originally written and posted December 13, 2004:

As we sat eating dinner at a very busy restaurant before taking the Humeda children and my grandson, Nathan to see Christmas lights, everywhere around us there were families and couples. Before I knew it, my daughter was crying. She silently wept as I tended to the children. She tried to hide her tears so no one would notice. The holidays are hard enough to manage under normal circumstances, but when a person has a broken heart, Christmas becomes a cruel ordeal. 

A well-dressed Afro-American woman walked towards us and stopped. She leaned in close to my daughter and told her that she had been sitting across the restaurant and had noticed the distress she felt. The kind lady shared a personal experience with my daughter in support of my daughter’s sadness and left by telling her that she would find the answer she needed most. A few minutes later I turned to see where the lady was sitting, but after not finding her, I assumed she had finished eating and left the restaurant. 

We drove to St. Anne’s, a local Catholic church known for its Christmas light display. The children raced around the grounds full of excitement in anticipation of Christmas. The cool night air had chilled our faces, so we were glad when we entered the church. Inside was magnificently decorated. The spirit of Christmas lived within the church as the choir sang various Christmas hymns. The children (three of the four of them were Muslims) asked me a million questions about the church and as I ushered them through the church, I noticed my daughter had knelt to pray. Although we are not religious, seeing her kneeling in prayer didn’t surprise me. I slid into the pew next to her and the children followed me. 

As my daughter looked up from praying, standing across the church from us was the same woman from the restaurant standing there smiling at my daughter. By the time we made our way across the crowded church to once again speak to her, she was gone. Later that night, my daughter told me that when she knelt to pray, she told "God" that she didn’t know what to say. She said that her inner voice told her to ask for the courage to accept things she could not change. I smiled at her and told her that what she was saying was the serenity prayer commonly recited at 12 step meetings. She blankly looked at me, so I went to the Internet, found the prayer and printed her a copy when we had gotten home. 

She read it and then told me that was basically what had gone through her head. The tears came again and she asked, "Mom, that lady was real, wasn’t she?" I thought for a moment and told her that I had seen her also, so she must have been real. My daughter was deeply touched by the act of kindness a stranger had shown her and we both knew that the true spirit of Christmas was alive. That lady forever more has been referred to as my daughter’s "black angel". She now keeps a statue of a little black angel on her bookcase as a reminder that she did find the answer that night in the following words:

"...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference..."

I AM A MESS

Back along ( I won't say when because everyone will holler WTF in unison) I injured my shoulder and it has progressively gotten worse since then. I can't extend my arm in front of me nor can I raise it above my head. The pain radiates all the way down my arm to my wrist. Getting dressed and undressed is a real challenge. In November my rheumatologist ordered X-rays and a MRI, but when I went to have them done the order was written for the wrong shoulder and the place wouldn't call the doctor's office to get the order changed verbally. Initially, I had a follow-up appointment in December with my rheumatologist which I intended to get the error corrected then, but I got a call from her office and they had to reschedule my appointment for a later date. At that point I called my primary care and got an appointment and was seen quickly. My primary care doctor ordered a MRI for the correct shoulder and it's scheduled for Friday. Given all my symptoms, she thinks I have a torn rotator cuff. Needless to say, I've been in pain most of the time and sleeping is difficult. Sleeping is always difficult anyways, but I feel like I'm in a fog all the time. No, the fog isn't from smoking weed! :) It's from lack of sleep and pain. I'm wondering if the surgery I had in October 2020 that caused nerve damage and muscle wasting syndrome has in some way contributed to this injury and if it will show up on the MRI. I will definitely mention it on Friday and hopefully they can capture that area on the image. So one thing is for certain, I can start 2023 with saying Mildred is a mess!    

GARGOYLES

"As she begins to leave childhood, innocence mixes with knowledge to create magic. 

She is a magician’s daughter, raised with ancient wisdom that she begins to play with for the first time.”

-Michael Parkes-

Some of Michael Parkes other paintings

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY THIRTY-ONE

Truth #31: By now, I'm sure everyone has made their list of New Year's resolutions to be broken! Yes, how many years have you actually kept any of those things you meant to do but didn't? Diets? Exercising? Stop smoking? Stop drinking? Have a baby? Get a new job? Find love? Move to a new location? Get out of debt? Buy a new house? Ask for a promotion? Get a divorce? Etc., etc.? And if nobody noticed I added an extra truth and made it 31 truths...oh well, I cheated! What can I say? 

New Year’s History: Festive Facts:

Cultures around the world and through history have commemorated the ending of one year and the beginning of another with special foods, music and other rituals. Here are some facts about the holiday today and its associated traditions.

What does “Auld Lang Syne” mean, and why do we sing the song at midnight on New Year’s Eve?

“Auld Lang Syne,” the title of a Scottish folk song that many English speakers sing at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, roughly translates to “days gone by.” The poet Robert Burns is credited with transcribing, adapting and partially rewriting it in the late 18th century. Its lyrics, which rhetorically ask whether “auld acquaintance” should “be forgot,” have been interpreted as a call to remember friends and experiences from the past.

Though sung on New Year’s Eve since the mid-19th century, it became firmly cemented as a holiday standard when Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians played it during a radio broadcast from New York’s Roosevelt Hotel at midnight on December 31, 1929. The band went on to perform the hit every year until 1976, and loudspeakers continue to blast their rendition after the annual ball drop in Times Square.

Who were the first to make resolutions for the new year?

People have been pledging to change their ways in the new year—whether by getting in shape, quitting a bad habit or learning a skill—for an estimated 4,000 years now. The tradition is thought to have first caught on among the ancient Babylonians, who made promises in order to earn the favor of the gods and start the year off on the right foot. (They would reportedly vow to pay off debts and return borrowed farm equipment.)

The age-old custom of breaking one’s newly formed resolutions within several months—a fate that befalls the majority of would-be reformers, according to statistics—probably originated shortly thereafter.

When was the first New Year’s Eve ball dropped in New York’s Times Square?

An estimated 1 billion people around the world watch each year as a brightly lit ball descends down a pole atop the One Times Square building at midnight on New Year’s Eve. The world-famous celebration dates back to 1904, when the New York Times newspaper relocated to what was then known as Longacre Square and convinced the city to rename the neighborhood in its honor. At the end of the year, the publication’s owner threw a raucous party with an elaborate fireworks display.

When the city banned fireworks in 1907, an electrician devised a wood-and-iron ball that weighed 700 pounds, was illuminated with 100 light bulbs and was dropped from a flagpole at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Lowered almost every year since then, the iconic orb has undergone several upgrades over the decades and now weighs in at nearly 12,000 pounds. In more recent years, various towns and cities across America have developed their own versions of the Times Square ritual, organizing public drops of items ranging from pickles (Dillsburg, Pennsylvania) to possums (Tallapoosa, Georgia) at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Who made January 1 the first of the year?

Throughout antiquity, civilizations around the world developed increasingly sophisticated calendars, typically pinning the first day of the year to an agricultural or astronomical event. In Egypt, for instance, the year began with the annual flooding of the Nile, which coincided with the rising of the star Sirius. The first day of Lunar New Year (also called Chinese New Year), meanwhile, occurred with the second new moon after the winter solstice.

In ancient Rome, the original calendar consisted of 10 months and 304 days, with each new year beginning at the vernal equinox; according to tradition, it was created by Romulus, the founder of Rome, in the eighth century B.C.

Over the centuries, the calendar fell out of sync with the sun, and in 46 B.C. Julius Caesar decided to solve the problem by consulting with the most prominent astronomers and mathematicians of his time. He introduced the Julian calendar, which closely resembles the more modern Gregorian calendar that most countries around the world use today. As part of his reform, Caesar established January 1 as the first day of the year, partly to honor the month’s namesake: Janus, the Roman god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future.

In medieval Europe, Christian leaders replaced January 1 as the first of the year with days carrying more religious significance, such as December 25 (the anniversary of Jesus’ birth) and March 25 (the Feast of the Annunciation). Pope Gregory XIII reestablished January 1 as New Year’s Day in 1582.

What are some traditional New Year’s foods?

At New Year’s Eve parties and celebrations around the world, revelers enjoy meals and snacks thought to bestow good luck for the coming year. In Spain and several other Spanish-speaking countries, people bolt down a dozen grapes—symbolizing their hopes for the months ahead—right before midnight. In many parts of the world, traditional New Year’s dishes feature legumes, which are thought to resemble coins and herald future financial success; examples include lentils in Italy and black-eyed peas in the southern United States.

Because pigs represent progress and prosperity in some cultures, pork appears on the New Year’s Eve table in Cuba, Austria, Hungary, Portugal and other countries. Ring-shaped cakes and pastries, a sign that the year has come full circle, round out the feast in the Netherlands, Mexico, Greece and elsewhere. In Sweden and Norway, meanwhile, rice pudding with an almond hidden inside is served on New Year’s Eve; it is said that whoever finds the nut can expect 12 months of good fortune.

What do Paul Revere, J. Edgar Hoover, Lorenzo de Medici, Betsy Ross and Pope Alexander VI have in common?

All of these historical figures came into the world on January 1. According to tradition, babies born on the first of the year grow up to enjoy the luckiest of lives, bringing joy and good fortune to those around them.

The use of a baby as a personification of the new year has been traced to ancient Greece, where an infant in a basket was paraded around to mark the annual rebirth of Dionysus, the god of wine and fertility. Sometimes accompanied by Father Time, “Baby New Year” has appeared in banners, cartoons, posters and cards for several hundred years.

A TUNE FOR TODAY

The story this video tells is superb...