NOTHING MATTERS MORE THAN OUR STORIES

This post is a rather old one, but it cried out to me again today for a repost so here it is.

I love surfing around the blogosphere because I like crave that feeling of finding that one special blog worthy of mention, of recognition, of deep introspection. After wading through a multitude of cute family-related blogs, yummy cooking blogs, breath-taking photography blogs, reactionary religious and political blogs, unfeigned poetry blogs and all rest of the infinite spectrum of blogs that reside out here in cyberspace, I occasionally stumble upon a blog that speaks to, screams at implores me personally to say something about it and its author. Unfortunately, most of the blogs I "discover" are ones that the authors have abandoned and their voice is lost. Abandonment is something I completely understand. Most people who have blogged for any length of time have either contemplated fading into the cold, darkness of cyberspace never to be heard from again or have taken a "vacation" from time to time.

The Rest Is Still Unwritten was last updated in 2012 with a post titled Nothing Matters More Than Our Stories. David Stehle was absolutely correct in stating nothing matters more than our stories whether we know it or not. We all have a story to tell and no one ever knows what type of impact our words will have on someone else or when that impact might happen. I have a blogging kindred spirit (you know who you are) that is hands down the most talented person I know. He claims he has nothing of value to say, but I disagree. I have read his "stories" and I have felt his words. He "hooked" me a very long time ago! I can only hope that he always returns home from his "vacations" and that he never permanently fades into the darkness of cyberspace. Over the years I have grown to love him and when he is absent, I feel the void.

Below are David Stehle's heartfelt words from his abandoned blog:

                           Nothing Matters More Than Our Stories

In times of national crisis we often think, "My stories don’t matter – this isn’t about me" or "I'll stay quiet because I'm somewhere in the middle of the obnoxious people raging on TV." The truth is that in the midst of tragedy nothing matters more than our stories. Our complex, nuanced stories are the path to healing and change. They are the truth and there's no better foundation for change than the truth. I'd love to hear your thoughts and stories. - Brene Brown

This isn't working.

This.

What we are doing as a society, a country, as human beings. It is NOT working!

And when things aren't working, shouldn't we change things?

When people talk about school shootings they talk about guns. But I don't want to debate gun control. I'm not pro-gun anymore than I'm anti-gun. I've never owned a gun and thank God my parents never have either. Because if they had I wouldn't be here today writing this post.

"He was fearless in his pursuit of happiness and life.

He earned his ripped jeans and missing two front teeth."

Daniel Barden (age 7)

I attempted suicide at age 12 - with a steak knife of all things. But I searched the house first for a gun. If I had found one, you better believe I would have sucked on that barrel and squeezed without giving it a second thought. After all, even at age 12 I knew it was the best tool for the job.

While I had no intention of hurting anyone else, I had every intention of hurting myself. And I did. Without a rational thought. That's what happens when you are in the midst of making a deadly, permanent decision. All fear, sadness, and anger disappears. You become oddly calm. And thoroughly numb. Or at least I did.

If we're going to talk about gun control, it's just as important we talk about mental illness.

While I don't see any logical reason why a person needs to own an assault rifle and feel they should be banned, I'm not about to rip a standard rifle out of a hunter's hands (punishing him) simply because other people can't act responsibly. But let's face the facts. There have been over 70 school shootings since 1994. 70! Obviously there's a lot of sick kids out there. I should know because I was one of them. And what we are doing now as a society, a country, as human beings…it is NOT working!

According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), mental illness typically strikes young people in their most productive years, 16-25. Families from all walks of life are affected regardless of age, race, income, religion, or education. Most shocking, 1 in 4 American families has a relative who has a mental illness. 1 in 4!

So what was my deal? Not much. I was just a deeply depressed kid who didn't know how to open up. I don't think that fits the crazy label. But depression is considered a mental illness. And medically speaking, one could have labeled me mentally ill. And that's the problem. Because mental illness has such an ugly stigma attached to it, I was terrified to get help. I was terrified to tell anyone how I felt. I was terrified of being seen as C-R-A-Z-Y!

It's easier to get an assault rifle than adequate mental health care. And for shooter Adam Lanza it was easier to slaughter 20 kindergartners and 1st graders than to say "hey, I need some help." Like most, I'm still processing the horror that took place at Sandy Hook. I'm heartbroken for 26 families of victims I've never met and for a community I've never visited. And of course, I'm furious at the killer!

Now I'm going to ask you to do something you'll hate me for. I want you to send light and love not just to the 26 victims and their families, but to the killer and his family too. To the entire Sandy Hook community. To every community that has suffered a mass shooting. To every victim. To every victim's family. And yes, even to every killer and their family.

Praying for a murderer is hard. Honestly, it's damn near impossible! But in doing so, I realize I'm also praying for the mentally ill. Praying for every kid like me who was/is terrified of being seen as crazy and didn't/doesn't have the strength to ask for help. Helping them (and myself) today when I failed to help them (and myself) back then. Making right MY wrongs. Making right OUR wrongs. Healing together.

If that is asking too much, and I know it is, then please consider doing one random act of kindness in memory of one of the 20 children lost. That way you can put back in the world the same light and love each of their short lives brought into it. I'm choosing Daniel.

Because as we all continue to process Sandy Hook, one question in particular weighs on my mind…

What if we tackled mental illness the same way little Daniel tackled things? Fearless in the pursuit of happiness and life.

As Brene Brown said above, I too would love to hear your thoughts and stories.

Posted 18th December 2012 by David Stehle

Labels: Taboo Topics

DON'T IT TURN MY BROWN EYES BLUE?

Since the time of the Pilgrims, New England has been steeped in many traditions. One of these traditions came to mind this morning as I prepared a pot of Boston baked beans to go in the oven for a traditional Saturday evening "supper." My grandmother also came to mind as I prepared my beans because she always told us that she put bluing in her beans. For those of you who don't know what bluing is/was used for; it was to get white clothes white. I guess before bleach was around people used bluing. Of course, my grandmother didn't actually add bluing to her baked beans, but she told us she did so "we all would fart a blue streak!" As I stood there, I lovingly smiled as I remembered my Nana.

As a child we would sing this ditty and giggle:

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel.
Then you're ready for  another meal...

What exactly is it about a fart that makes it so funny? And so embarassing?

I looked up bluing and found this additional use for it and got even more tickled and thought maybe my grandmother did add a drop or two of bluing in her beans since our bloodline is descendants to the Salem witches. Of all the people who were accused, imprisoned, tried and executed for witchcraft, I am directly related to over 40 of those people. I've been doing genealogy research for almost 30 years and have done a couple DNA tests. It's truly amazing what you find out when you start digging...

Obviously, my grandmother had her own method of cleansing a house of evil spirits.

JOHN FOGERTY'S REVIVAL WITH MUSIC

[FROM BILLBOARD]

BY MELINDA NEWMAN

John Fogerty Regains Control Over Creedence Clearwater Revival Songs After Half-Century Fight: Exclusive

"I'm really kind of still in shock," says the iconic rocker after buying a majority interest in the global publishing rights to his CCR song catalog from Concord. 

In a happy ending to one of the music industry’s grimmest and longest tales, John Fogerty has gained worldwide control of his Creedence Clearwater Revival publishing rights after a half-century struggle.  

At a time when Fogerty’s peers such as Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Neil Young are selling their copyrights for hundreds of millions of dollars, the iconic Rock & Roll Hall of Famer has done the opposite: He recently bought a majority interest in the global publishing rights to his historic CCR song catalog from Concord for an undisclosed sum. The treasure trove includes such rock classics as “Proud Mary,” “Down on the Corner,” Fortunate Son,” “Bad Moon Rising” “Up Around the Bend” and “Green River.”  

Concord has owned the rights since 2004 when the company bought Saul Zaentz’s Fantasy Records. One of the first moves Concord made was to reinstate and increase Fogerty’s artist royalties, which Fogerty had relinquished to Zaentz in 1980 to get out of his Fantasy deal and had not received in 25 years.

Concord retains the CCR master recordings already in its catalog and will continue to administer Fogerty’s share of the publishing catalog for an unspecified limited time.   

Seated on the spacious patio of his Southern California home with his golden retriever, Creedy (short for Creedence) by his side, Fogerty, 77, admits gaining control of his copyrights is a day he never thought would come. “I tried really hard,” he says to get them back in the decades since he signed his label and publishing deal in 1968 with Fantasy but suffered setback after setback at the hands of Zaentz, who died in 2014.  

“I’m the dad [of these songs]. I created them,” he says. “They never should have been taken away in the first place. And that hijacking left such a massive hole in me.” With the support and love of his manager and wife of more than 30 years, Julie Fogerty, he says he had gotten over the anger that plagued him for decades over Zaentz’s treatment, but the longing to own his songs never went away. 

“The happiest way to look at it is, yeah, it isn’t everything,” he says of acquiring a majority, but not full ownership. “It’s not a 100% win for me, but it’s sure better than it was. I’m really kind of still in shock. I haven’t allowed my brain to really, actually, start feeling it yet.”  Fogerty, who had retained his writer’s share of his CCR copyrights, also owns the masters and publishing to his solo material, including such hits as “Centerfield,” “Rockin’ All Over the World,” and “Almost Saturday Night.” 

The reclaimed CCR copyrights number more than 65, mostly written by Fogerty during the group’s short, but extremely prolific career. As one of  America’s seminal rock bands, CCR had a tremendous run, including landing five top 10 albums on the Billboard 200 between 1969 and 1970 before breaking up in 1972. Their popularity continues with new generations: CCR’s Chronicle: The 20 Greatest Hits, released in 1976, has spent 622 non-consecutive weeks on the Billboard 200, the fifth highest of any album on the chart. More than 50 years after its initial release, CCR hit “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” reached No. 1 on Billboard’s Rock Digital Songs Sales Chart in 2021.  

Keep On Chooglin’

The latest effort to gain ownership of his publishing began 18 months ago as the Fogertys realized that under U.S. copyright law, rights to his compositions would begin reverting back to him in a few years as the songs turned 56 years old, but that wouldn’t have included rights outside the U.S. “Julie began to think larger and [told Concord], ‘John would like to buy his songs. He’d like to figure out a way’,” Fogerty says. 

“While John is having the time of his life out there on the road, with his kids playing with him and celebrating this music, [I thought], why can’t we take those few years left [before the titles revert] and not have them give them to us, but we’ll buy them,” Julie Fogerty says. “Whatever the value plus a little bonus. We’ll figure out how to come up with the money and we’ll just buy that. [Concord’s] not going to lose because they’ll have the value.” 

Concord initially declined and Fogerty was once again resigned. “I was sort of a bump on the log going, ‘Never going to happen,’” he says. 

Julie Fogerty then brought in Irving Azoff, who had briefly managed Fogerty more than 20 years ago, to help mediate. She says Azoff called Concord chairman and CEO Scott Pascucci and said, “‘Scott, you’ve made so much money on Fogerty. Do you want to be known in the music business as Saul Zaentz or [revered late Warner Brothers Records head] Mo Ostin?’ And I think he heard that. And [Concord president] Bob Valentine has been incredible as well.’” Azoff encouraged the Fogertys to pursue worldwide rights, advising they would have to give up an ownership percentage in order to do so. 

“John Fogerty is one of music’s greatest treasures. Now, finally after decades of suffering, I’m thrilled to see John regain ownership of his music,” Azoff tells Billboard in an email. “And kudos to Concord for understanding that doing the right thing for artists is great for their business as well.” 

“John’s songs are some of the greatest compositions of the 20th century,” Valentine said in a statement. “We’ve been honored to own and represent these works ever since we acquired Fantasy in 2004. Given the unique set of circumstances around the history of John’s relationship with Fantasy, we were more than happy to oblige John and Julie in working out an agreement for these songs to revert back to him early. And we’re profoundly grateful that John has agreed to partner with Concord for the remaining worldwide copyrights on the share of these songs that we will retain.” 

Fogerty was represented by Barnes & Thornburg partner Jason Karlov and associate Amanda Taber. Reed Smith’s Steven Sessa and Josh Love represented Concord.  

The winding journey to reclaim his rights and undo the damage from his contentious relationship with Zaentz has been long and, at times, debilitating for Fogerty.  

In addition to taking his artist royalties for decades, in 1985, Zaentz sued Fogerty for $144 million, alleging the artist’s then current hit, “The Old Man Down the Road,” ripped off CCR’s “Run Through the Jungle.” Even though Fogerty had written both songs, Zaentz claimed Fogerty was now plagiarizing a song Zaentz owned. After Fogerty won, his effort to be reimbursed for his $1.3 million in legal fees went all the way to the Supreme Court in 1993.   

For years, Fogerty refused to play CCR songs live, unable to stomach Zaentz making money off his performances, but he softened his stance in 1987 with a little prodding from Bob Dylan. While at revered North Hollywood, Calif., club the Palomino, Fogerty, Dylan and George Harrison joined headliner Taj Mahal on stage. “The crowd started asking for ‘Proud Mary,’” Fogerty recalls. “Bob looked at me and said, ‘John, if you don’t do ‘Proud Mary,’ everybody’s gonna think it’s a Tina Turner song,’” referencing Ike & Tina Turner’s 1971 cover. “It’s Bob Dylan, for crying out loud. In my mind, I was still committed that I wasn’t going to do those songs, but I decided I guess I can give that up for three minutes.” Later that year, Fogerty began incorporating CCR songs back into his set.  

‘They Tried to Erase Him’

Fogerty last tried in 1989 to buy his publishing when he and Zaentz sat face-to-face with legendary rock empresario Bill Graham acting as a mediator. They agreed on a sum, but then months later in final negotiations in the early ’90s, Fogerty says Zaentz doubled the price to a figure Fogerty couldn’t afford. Fogerty went to Warner Chappell and asked if the publishing company would go in on a deal with him. “I met with the top guy, and he looked at me and said, ‘It’s not sustainable.’ That might have been, at least as business kinds of things go, the worst day of my life,” Fogerty says. “I don’t think I could even impart to [Julie] how final that was: ‘There’s no hope for you. You’re dead.’”  

He had a freeing revelation shortly thereafter when on a jog, he was listening to a radio therapist counsel a woman who had been with a man who refused to commit to marriage. The therapist told the women her boyfriend was never going to change, and she needed to understand that. “The light goes on in my head as I’m listening and I just fell on the ground,” Fogerty says. “I actually started laughing. I realized it was never going to happen. It was a horrible realization. Anyway, that was the end of that: Saul was a jerk and will be eternally that and, in some way or fashion, I got over that.”  

When asked if he now would pursue ownership of his CCR masters, Fogerty says, “My heart of hearts would love if that ever happened, but I’m not actively sitting around worrying about that. The fact that I didn’t own my own songs was much more bothersome to me because of the treatment that I received.”

Though he could undoubtedly flip his majority share for a large payday, Fogerty says now that he finally has control, selling his publishing rights is “not what I’m thinking about…I’ve never been allowed or gotten to experience participation and ownership in the sense of being involved. And, you know, the last thing on my mind is thinking about selling it, I want to enjoy it. It’s good. That’s where I’m at.”

For now, Fogerty, whose last release was the socio-political track, “Weeping in the Promised Land,” in 2021, is focused on playing live. With his two sons in his touring band, he says, “playing is more joyful now than in any time in my life…. The last years of Creedence got to be like every band that dissolves, it was so tense. I mean, I miss my brother, [Creedence rhythm guitarist] Tom, who passed at a time when we were not really in each other’s lives [in 1990]. I’m looking forward to getting to heaven and playing in God’s band and Tom will be there.” 

With control over how his music is used now, Julie Fogerty says she’d like “to take these iconic songs and reintroduce them to the new generation because I think the songs will be around forever,” adding there’s talk of both a biopic and a documentary about Fogerty. “But it’s mostly I think just connecting John to those songs. There were a lot of years where he felt like they tried to erase him.”  

For Concord’s part, which released Creedence Clearwater Revival at the Royal Albert Hall last year without Fogerty’s participation, Valentine tells Billboard he hopes regaining his copyrights “gives John a sense of closure for the years of the feelings that he’s had ever since he signed with Fantasy…. Also, hopefully, [with] that sense of peace that it’s a new beginning. We hope he will be reinvigorated and continue to do things that promote the catalog. It’s extraordinarily important — not only culturally as one of the greatest American bands ever, but it’s an important component of Concord’s legacy. We hope it gives him a feeling of partnership and moving forward in a way that makes him feel more invested in the songs and Creedence with us.” 

As Fogerty moves into the next chapter with the “lingering specter” that has haunted him for so long finally gone, he says with a big grin, “I’m ready to feel really good about music.” 

SUGAR IS NOT MY FRIEND

The following comment is one I left as a response on Spo-Reflections blog.  He laments that although he's not a sugarholic, he does occasionally have "unnatural cravings."   As we all know when you get an itch, you have to scratch it.  I wish my itches weren't such bitches! They all seem to go way beyond being harmless unnatural cravings.  For me, that sweet sugar itch is a real blood sucking demon!

I’ve tried desperately to weed sugar from the mix of what I consume. So far I’ve been fairly successful…my A1C smiles, but damn it, sometimes I want a King size Snickers and a Coke and raspberry pie with vanilla ice cream and mountains of warm, homemade oatmeal cookies and a HUGE glass of ice cold milk (not 1%)…just to name a few. I guess after feeling like I’ve rammed my head into the proverbial wall enough, I decided to be more compliant and accept that sugar and any simple carb in mass quantities …oh hell, who am I kidding? even in small quantities it’s like committing suicide slowly. My mantra needs to be “SUGAR IS NOT MY FRIEND!"

The truth of the matter is anything, but comical.  Diabetes is a horrible disease to have and difficult to manage successfully.  I know it's not impossible...just difficult!  It requires making informed choices: sugar or feet?  sugar or eyesight?  sugar or liver?  I could go on and on because let's face it, uncontrolled diabetes effects everything in your body and uncontrolled diabetes is a sure death sentence. Yes, we're all going to die, but why hasten the process?  Why add to the list of  things that go wrong as our body naturally ages? 

My last A1C was 10.3. My endocrinologist wants it to be under 7.5 in 3 months when I'm tested again. Do you know what your A1C is?  If not, maybe you should have it tested the next time you have to have blood work done.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

For someone who doesn't have diabetes, a normal A1C level can range from 4.5 to 6 percent. Someone who's had uncontrolled diabetes for a long time might have an A1C level above 8 percent.

When the A1C test is used to diagnose diabetes, an A1C level of 6.5 percent or higher on two separate tests indicates you have diabetes. A result between 5.7 and 6.4 percent is considered prediabetes, which indicates a high risk of developing diabetes.

For most people who have previously diagnosed diabetes, an A1C level of 7 percent or less is a common treatment target. Higher targets may be chosen in some individuals. If your A1C level is above your target, your doctor may recommend a change in your diabetes treatment plan. Remember, the higher your A1C level, the higher your risk of diabetes complications.

 

A1C level	Estimated average blood sugar level
5 percent	97 mg/dL (5.4 mmol/L)
6 percent	126 mg/dL (7 mmol/L)
7 percent	154 mg/dL (8.5 mmol/L)
8 percent	183 mg/dL (10.2 mmol/L)
9 percent	212 mg/dL (11.8 mmol/L)
10 percent	240 mg/dL (13.3 mmol/L)
11 percent	269 mg/dL (14.9 mmol/L)
12 percent	298 mg/dL (16.5 mmol/L)
13 percent	326 mg/dL (18.1 mmol/L)
14 percent	355 mg/dL (19.7 mmol/L)

*Repost from June 11, 2014

MATTERS OF THE HEART AND OTHER FAIRYTALES AND QUANDARIES

Often times little girls are misdirected into believing love is supposed to be some once upon a time fairytale just waiting to happen.  They read about love, dream about love and expect love to happen just as it's written. So what happens when those little girls get disillusioned and suffer from a broken heart? Some of them learn how to cope with real life while others become maniacal bitches who nag, manipulate and feel like they have to beg a man for his attention. They become willing to do anything just to be loved.  Yes, sometimes their lives become a scene right out of the movie, Fatal Attraction and when confronted with reality, they get insulted that anyone might think their behavior is erratic, illogical and just down right mean or insane at times. A snake has more warmth than a spurned woman and its bite is a lot less venomous. Doesn't the old saying go something like, "hell has no fury like a woman's scorn?"

What happened the first time you had mind-blowing sex with someone and they never called again? Hopefully, everyone is saying to themselves, "I don't have an answer to that question because I've never had a one night stand."  Hopefully, each one of you has had mind-blowing sex followed by years of unadulterated bliss with the same person or you haven't suffered the slings and arrows of unrequited love. Unfortunately, for some of us that doesn't happen.  Unfortunately, some of us have mind blowing sex and if anything follows at best, it might be a mind-blowing abusive relationship. Yep! Some of us allow ourselves to believe that we can conquer or fix anything and everything and each time we allow ourselves to remain oblivious to the writing on the wall, we get repeatedly hurt  Being blinded by false love only gives the green light for more abuse to occur.  Sure, we're afraid to walk away because we have a fear of the unknown. Because of that fear we allow our self-worth to be so badly beaten down that sometimes it becomes non-existent.  For the lucky ones when enough abuse occurs, our survival instinct finally kicks in and we get the hell out of Dodge quickly with our suitcase and what's left of our dignity in hand! But a crucial lesson we all have to learn is not to piss and moan continually about the Neanderthal we live with unless we're ready to stand up and do something about our situation.  Until we have the strength to help ourselves, we really can't expect people to support our decisions and to give us the empathy we need. Before then it's just another sad soap opera playing out and we are the drama queen extraordinaires.

Yep, I've been through it myself...looked down the barrel of a loaded gun more than once. Been tied up for a sessions of sexual fun and games only to end up having my breast used as an ashtray. The scar makes me shake my head and wonder what the hell I was thinking then...obviously I wasn't thinking and didn't have much self-respect or self-worth.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly with the expectation of a different result. Well, quite a long time ago I decided to get off that roller coaster ride and walk on flat ground again.  It was then I decided that the insanity I was living really wasn't appealing and I deserved a better life even if that better life meant being alone and as I always say being alone is a much better place to be than being with the wrong person...and a much safer place! Finding the courage to admit that and then actually removing myself from the game long enough for me to reevaluate my priorities and needs wasn't easy to do, but I did it because I knew I was long overdue for a change.  The insanity, the drama, the turmoil and the negativity had to stop!  Now, after 9 long years of being out of the relationship/dating game, I'm slowly getting to know someone again that I knew when I was a young girl before all the madness began.  Time will tell what happens, but until then at least now I know what I do and don't want and need and I have the courage to walk away if I see any red flags.  The hardest thing for me right now isn't telling myself that I'm worthy of getting to know.  It's believing it!

Repost from June 24, 2014

UPDATE: Here it is January 9, 2023, I'm still floating free in the cosmos amongst the other galactic matter...

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW