WHEN DOES THE HOLIDAY SEASON OFFICIALLY START?

It probably comes as no surprise that my house is not adorned by the tons of the usual Christmas paraphernalia that most people seem to need to celebrate the holiday season properly. No, I don't decorate a Christmas tree. The exterior of my home isn't ablaze from a gawdy display of Christmas lights. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care in other people's homes, but not in mine. I'm sure most people must think I'm as horrible as Scrooge and the Grinch all rolled up into one massive anti-Christmas campaign. But those who really know me, know that still waters run deep. For me, the season is not a lavish affair. I keep it simple. I try to pay it forward by giving money to the less fortunate and by doing small acts of kindness whenever I can. I don't go into debt from overspending, but I do manage to make sure all my loved ones are remembered in some special way. Over the years as my need to participate in the commercial hullabaloo surrounding Christmas has dwindled, I've devoted much thought to the holiday season and what makes it so depressing and unbearable for so many people. 

As children, this season breeds an unbridled anticipation of Santa Claus and wonderful gifts. Then as the years roll by, that anticipation for many people somehow morphs into the dread of overspending and into bittersweet memories of all the things they no longer have and of loved ones who no longer are with them. What may start out as a little self-pity often times turns into depression on steroids. For people celebrating the holidays totally alone or without a significant other, the holiday season always seems geared towards celebrating it with that special someone and with a loving family oozing with holiday spirit. Each time I used to see the commercial that asked, "What would you do for love this Christmas?" it made me want to vomit. Some bright, young advertising hotshot envisioned two people being separated at Christmas with impossible obstacles to overcome. Somehow and of course quite miraculously, they find their way to each other just in time and of course, bearing an armful of great gifts for one another. Does that ever happen in real life? If not, it should, but better yet it should happen all year long! 

I applaud anyone who generously give of themselves, but not necessarily through monetary means at Christmas. I applaud those who see a need to keep the romance and passion alive in a relationship because the person they love is still worth that kind of effort. I applaud those fortunate families who manage to celebrate Christmas together each year not from obligation or duty, but because they love one another. If you really want to get into the spirit of the season and adhere to the philosophy that "it’s better to give than to receive," then do something that might really make a difference in someone’s life. 

If you know someone who is alone or doesn’t appear overflowing with a festive spirit, take the time to be that person's friend. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word or some small deed to make a person believe they too are worthy of love and happiness during the holidays. Extend an invitation, give an anonymous gift or just act like you sincerely understand and care about someone in need. Alienating that "grinch" is the worst thing that can happen to that person. They may appear to want to be left alone, but underneath that gruff exterior lies a person needing a visit from a real Santa Claus. It's really quite simple! Give yourself the best Christmas gift you can ever receive by paying it forward this Christmas season.

*Repost from December 14, 2011

THE FAMINE MEMORIAL - DUBLIN, IRELAND

As I stood gazing at the life-like figures of The Famine Memorial in Dublin, Ireland I was filled with such sadness for all those people who didn't survive the Great Famine (1845-1852) and I felt a deep admiration and gratitude for those who did. The spot on which I stood to take this picture was a spot dedicated to memorializing not only a million people who suffered and perished as a result of the Great Famine, but also another million people who survived and left Ireland during that time to seek a better life elsewhere for themselves and their families.  Let's also pay tribute to all the people who survived and stayed to rebuild and to carry on all the great Irish traditions and lifestyles that country proudly offers.  This spot holds a great significance to me because my ancestors left their homes and the only life they had ever known to immigrate to the United States from County Cork in 1852.   

THE WORLD AT 55

At 55, we are branded "mature" (at least most of us are). At 55, the world no longer is viewed in terms of black and white. Shades of gray drown out the black and white as we find very few absolutes in life. At this crucial point in our lives, many of us decide to rediscover or reinvent ourselves. For many, this is the first major decision as we travel into the autumn of our years. Why can't this segment of our lives be as colorful as the trees in New England as the become ablaze of colors decorating the landscape? Why can't these years be filled with less regret and more urgency to do all the things we wanted, but never did because life kept getting in the way? Why isn't the light at the end of the tunnel a stronger, brighter beacon guiding us along the way? 

At 55, we are no longer invincible and immortal. Many of us are drowning in all the mundane things in which life is filled. We rarely take time to have fun, be happy or treat ourselves to an occasional goodie. At 55, our nest is filled with items of comfort that keep us from venturing outside to explore. Yes, we know we should treat ourselves better, but most of us have spent a lifetime of putting others before our own needs so we are clueless when it comes time to think about ourselves. I often wonder what would happen if I suddenly let that wild hair that was so much a part of my make up in my younger years loose again. Instead of cave-dwelling, what would happen if I squander my time and money and aimlessly wander? 

Isn't going out in a blaze of glory better than slowly fizzling out? Would living on the edge and flying by the seat of my pants feel any different now than it used to feel? As I watch those around me grow old and die, these at the things I wonder at 55. 

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for each age I've been for with each age comes new realizations and truths.

* Reposted from October 13, 2010 

WHEN KARMA IS KIND

When a person gets to a certain point in their life making new friends and expanding their inner circle usually doesn't happen often. I have a handful of close friends that I've been through the trenches with at various times for various reasons who I would say know me better than anyone else. These people are my soul sisters...the sisters I never had in real life. Have I had close male friends? Of course! I still do, but until recently (within the last year) I've never met anyone who reached the "soul sister" status until this person. 

The connection I have made with this person is quite odd because first it came completely out of the blue for both of us. It's a bit on the serendipitous side. Neither of us sought it out. It just happened! The connection was instant and quite powerful...almost as if we were being drawn together by some unseen force. The funny part about it is that I don't feel a bit uncomfortable telling him personal things about myself because he doesn't judge me. I think he sees me for who I am and he thinks that person is okay. And I feel the same way about him. We both may be damaged people, but the pain we feel is shared pain. Somehow we've found comfort in knowing each other.

I've only had that type of acceptance from so few people in my life that it feels odd and mysterious at times, but I've grown not to question it, but to embrace it for what it is...a true gift. I hate to use this word because I'm not a religious person, but I feel blessed. I know things happen for a reason and sometimes we never find out those reasons...this may be one of those times where I'm just supposed to sit back and enjoy the ride and not over analyze it and pick it apart (that's a Virgo thing to do, by the way) If something jumps we have to know how far it jumped and why it jumped and if it'll jump again.

Years ago when I was in so much emotional pain, my ego had been completely destroyed when I left Texas as an empty shell. That's all I was. I was no more than one of the walking dead when I returned to Pensacola. Now 17 years later the universe seems to want to right itself by sending a kind, gentle voice from Texas to touch those painful places in me and help fade the scars that have held me prisoner and made me believe I'm not worth very much as a human being. How do you thank someone other than just by giving them a heartfelt thank you and by being there for them when they need you?  I often wonder if he has any idea what impact he has had on my overall psyche this past year. If not, I'm sure he'll get an inkling when he reads this blog post.

JAMES F MILLER OCTOBER 15, 2020

Perhaps I'm just being petty, but a few weeks ago I came across a Facebook post that rattled me. My ex-husband passed away October 15, 2020, but I never read his obituary. To be honest I never felt the need to read it and then a few weeks ago I was alerted to his obituary that someone had posted on his Facebook page. Stupidly, I went and read it. It wasn't the contents of the obituary that upset me but the photo that was used. 

Whoever was responsible for the obituary selected our wedding photo to use for his obituary picture. We divorced in the late 1990's and he had been with someone else for the last twenty+ years, but never married her. I just can't imagine that woman being okay with his wedding picture with me being used for his obituary picture. Of course, along with looking at the picture came me wanting to kick myself for looking at it. It brought back the full array of the avalanche my life underwent during that period. It used to be easy to blame him for all the pain I experienced, but I was there willingly. I may not have known initially what I was up against but when I did find out I had the option of leaving and I didn't...I stayed. I stayed through the shock treatments when he had a breakdown. I stayed even though he slept with a hatchet under the bed. I stayed even though he would disappear for days at a time with no explanation. I stayed until he left me and cleaned out our savings and took everything we owned and went to someone who had money and could keep him in a lifestyle he wanted. 

While he was disabled and couldn't work, I worked full time and went to school full time. Things were pretty stressful. My father's health was declining. He had two heart attacks. I felt like I was trying to be three or four people with little to no help. Jim was pretty zoned out on psychiatric drugs 24/7 so he couldn't be relied upon for anything (making a meal, doing laundry, etc.) As he got "better" he got paranoid and started thinking all sorts of crazy stuff. That's when he decided leave. Yes, he did me a favor, even though at the time it didn't feel that way because I had nothing left. He took everything I owned even the pictures on the walls. One day I came home from work to an empty house. I honestly don't know how I got through the first few months after that but I did. If it weren't for my children, I don't think I would have been able to get back on my feet. 

I know beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I definitely know I am no beauty queen, but whenever I need to feel somewhat better about my old fugly ass I just look at what I got dumped for and know that Jim Miller really did do me a HUGE favor all those years ago. Yes, I've been alone a long time, but I've been here waiting for the right person to find me and sweep me off my feet. I used to laugh whenever he would call me and ask me to take him back. He made the mistake of telling me once he went to see The Rolling Stones with this woman and all I could think about was all the places he never took me. He didn't know it, but he really did me a favor by being honest then. Thank you, Jim! I really do hope you rest in the peace you never had in life!

SILENT FIGHT

Everywhere I look I see angry or depressed faces. It seems that over the years the child-like joy that accompanies Christmas gradually turns into frustration and despair. I think everyone knows Murphy's Laws are always on steroids during the month of December. We learn to expect the unexpected as our major appliances and cars have nervous breakdowns during the holiday season or some other major unforeseen expense rears its ugly head. Then add the hustle and bustle of the holiday season to an already crappy mood and what do you have? A grinch in training, of course! Does growing up and seeing Christmas no longer through the eyes of a child, but through the eyes of a frustrated shopper with limited funds turn the spirit of the season into dread? Does past memories of perhaps a death in the family or a break up taint the holiday season forever? Outwardly, we decorate and act festive, but what do we really feel on the inside? Is Christmas just a well disguised glittery nightmare or a merchant’s dream come true? Where does the true spirit of Christmas reside? In the church? In the home? In the heart? And when it’s found or if it's found, why doesn't it last all year long?

*Repost December 5, 2011