TIME-OUT CONFESSIONS

A loving and very concerned cousin told me that I needed to get a "herring choker." A what?  A downeaster, a lumberjack, a fisherman...a good old Mainiac!  You know he might have a point...I have been in self-imposed "time out" what seems like forever.  Why?  Well, I have impaired judgment when it comes to men.  I like the badboys!  No, I don't want to fix them...I want them to stay just as they are and there lies the problem.  Badboys and relationships don't go together very well.  Nice = boring in my mind!  Okay, I know that thinking is wrong so that's why I'm in "time-out."  Naughty me!  I need time to sort through the error of my ways and fix my thinking regarding men and my preferences.

Gratitude statement: Thank God for time-out because it keeps me out of trouble!

LET THE FUN BEGIN

According to the YoYo Inspector I'm seeing to cure me of my cave-dwelling ways, I should "journal" everyday. Does blogging count as journaling? I can choose my own topic, but at the end of each entry I'm supposed to include at least one "gratitude" statement. Okay...got it! I'm ready to start this journey!

Gratitude statement: I'm mighty grateful I don't have hemorrhoids.

MEDICATION TIME

How do I turn off the "reactions" on each post. Reactions? WTF! What programmer thinks up this willfully dense shit anyway?

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for being smart enough to ask for help when I'm stuck and can't figure something out on my own.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Once a person becomes depressed, do they ever really recover from it?

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful for the time to search for that answer.

SOMEONE OUT HERE LOVES ME!

Oh no! This can’t be! Who would do such a thing and not want sexual favors in return? OOOPS…maybe I spoke too soon! Please read on and experience the mental orgasm I had from discovering/rediscovering how friendship via the ole blogosphere transcends time and distance. I highly recommend you add the links below to your list of "must reads".

There’s No Place Like Home?

"It’s my mother blog. It’s my sister blog. It’s my mother and my sister blog."

Okay, so I paraphrased a quote from Chinatown. Sue Me. I used it as an example of just how screwed up and fickle I am. After reaching the bottom of a very empty blogspot barrel and realizing I had nothing left to scrape, I did what I thought was necessary. I closed down and came back to my mother blog, hoping for some kind of renewal…a kind of blog barrel refilling, so to speak.

Unfortunately, mother/home/blog no longer offered sweet repose on her ample bosom. The old gal had undergone plastic surgery, an extreme makeover, a rethinking of old values and decided sitting around waiting for an errant son was not her cup of Earl Grey. Stupid bitch was out partying.

Not to mention, most of the kids I went to blog school with were no longer here. What I hoped would be a stay filled with the aroma of fresh baked bread and pies while visiting with good friends on the stoop, turned out to be disappointing. A post-it note on the fridge telling me to "throw a lean cuisine in the microwave if I got hungry" didn’t quite have the warmth I was hoping for.

So, I did what most ungrateful brats do in today’s world. I left my blog a mess, hopped a boxcar, and hoped ma blog would clean up the place and put a candle in the window…for the time when I would grace the ol’ gal with another visit when I was down and out…or in need of money.

I returned to the newer place I had shuttered a few months earlier, reopened and decided Thomas Woolfe was correct. Bye, Bye Blog American Pie.

Anyway, one of the reasons I had returned to Ma Blog in the first place was to reunite with my first blog love/kindred spirit, Red Kitten. She was the first person I met in blogland and I always felt a certain camaraderie that was warm and fuzzy from the get-go. She left the Spaces ship last year, and though I missed her and checked for her return often, I never did more than that. (I never claimed to be a good son or a good friend.) I always have good intentions, but…well, enough of my deficiencies.

Point is, RK was gone and ol’ ma blog was out doing her Thouroughly Modern Millie thing. What reason did I have to stay? Spaces still moved like compacted shit through a diseased colon and…

Well, bust my buttons, Dorothy, Red Kitten has returned from the land of OZ. Of course, I’m somewhere else on the Yellow Brick Road, hawking home-made poppyseed bread and pastries, but it sure is nice to see her safe and sound in her own backyard. Now, if she would just ditch the blue gingham and pigtails.

If, for some reason, someone stumbles upon this roadside stand, do yourself a favor (after buying a poppyseed brownie and an apple smoothie from yours truly) and head on over to Abnormally Normal People. Find out what truth in bloggertising is all about.

Me? I’m At The Altar of My Ego if you’re interested. I’ll be the one sticking straw down my tin jockstrap in an effort to ease the pain of, you know, wearing a tin jockstrap (tin doesn’t breathe, damnit).

COMMENTS 

Wayward
MAY 9, 2009 AT 6:03 AM EDIT
Karen,Nice post, but is it really love….Happy Mother’s Day! 

Peace, Love, Hippie Stuff,Wayward Bill

Stephen Craig
MAY 10, 2009 AT 7:41 AM EDIT
Dear Karen, Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day and As ever be well


Jock
MAY 10, 2009 AT 1:35 PM EDIT
Karen: You do me honor, and it’s not really necessary…although, a mental orgasm does sound intriguing. It’s true, of course, that an internet friendship does not replace the day to day, face to face, but in these times, when so many of us turn to the internet for some kind of connection, I’ll take whatever I can get. Now, about those sexual favors….Wayward Bill: Love is a many nuanced and multi-definitioned word. I can’t love Karen in the physical sense, but I can love what she stands for, what she’s been through in life, and what she brings to the table in a relationship. Does the fact that I will probably never meet her negate the "L" word. Hardly. She’s also smart enough to know that. But to makes things clearer for you, let me simply say…I love her for who she is. By the way, Karen: Hope your Mother’s day is filled with all kinds of love.

EbonyWyvernDragon
MAY 10, 2009 AT 2:17 PM EDIT
Happy Mommy’s Day, my friend! Dragon

I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP

Lately, it feels as though my life is some sad cry in your beer County & Western song.  The only thing missing is some two-timing womanizing jerk...thank God for small miracles! It's hard to motivate myself to even begin to write about my days MIA.  I do appreciate all the messages and emails I've received while I've been in this dark cave eating Oreos by myself (just a silly metaphor). Most of you, seem like gentle, patient people who understand how life can really throw zingers a person's way.  

Those of you who nudge me gently...thank you and those who have been demanding and rude...get a life! For Christ sake, life does not revolve around blogging or the internet.  Yes, writing is an excellent outlet and blogging is a great way to get to know people who you might otherwise never get to know...BUT sometimes sharing is just too painful especially when the wound is fresh.  Sometimes the words just aren't there. So how do you capture a tear? Or share a broken heart? How do you convey that being alone is what you need even though everyone says being alone is the worst thing in the world? No, the worst thing in the world is having to watch someone you dearly love slowly waste away and die. The worst thing in the world is not being able to help... And in the end the worst thing in the world is not really knowing if who you loved so dearly knew how deeply you felt or how much that they will be missed after they die. 

 

My father died a week ago. The pain is fresh and I'll be back when I can focus on topics other than my own sadness.

Comments:

Stephen
JUNE 25, 2008 AT 8:15 AM
Oh I know where you’re coming from on SO MANY levels. I wish and hope that the rut you are currently in fades and goes away. It’s not easy to just "get over it" as so many people might think. Life happens and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it other than duck quickly when something gets hurled at you, if you know what I mean. 🙂

We’ll all still be here when you come back – take your time and be good to yourself. 🙂


Nina
JUNE 25, 2008 AT 9:15 AM
Thinking of you! Take good care of yourself and don’t rush through what you’re feeling…just because you or others think that you should feel differently…faster. Be patient! Life sometimes throws shit our way. "This too shall pass", as they say, but for now…just be with it and mourn your loss(es)! Many hugs, Nina


Cat
JUNE 25, 2008 AT 1:20 PM 
Loss like that one never really ’gets over’ or has’closure’ – be kind to yourself – hugs and soothing cups of tea to help you heal as best you can – and take all the time you need – and I found that I could write a bit about the pain of my recent losses and fear of loss even if it was only a sentence or two – and there were those who understood and that helped – was awhile before I could even strat catching up on other’s spaces but I’m working on it…


Laoch
JUNE 25, 2008 AT 1:39 PM
good wishes to you



Sleepdeprived
JUNE 25, 2008 AT 3:25 PM 
Take the time you need to take care of yourself. Loss is difficult and the stages of slowly watching someone you love move on is heart-breaking, at best, soul-shredding at worst. Be kind to yourself and try not to second-guess what you’re feeling or whether they know how you felt. Chances are really good that they did and the best way to show them is to have their love, laughter, and joy live on through you! All my best to you! R


Scottishpeace
JUNE 28, 2008 AT 12:47 AM
How sad you "sound"….Please know that you have a shoulder available to "cry on" privately if needed, and I’ll feed you all the Oreos you want (within health safety guidelines, of course.) Take care of yourself. You obviously have a lot of support out here in "cyberspace"….Maybe if I leave a trail of Oreos I can coax you out of your dark cave???? Think about it as an option, not a demand. I’ll be thinking of you.{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}


barbara
JUNE 30, 2008 AT 1:10 PM
Don’t neglect yourself. Take the time you need just don’t forget the beauty in the world. Even if at times like this it seems hollow and without meaning, the beauty isn’t just in what you see. Take good care of you…….. and don’t eat too many Oreo cookies.


Stephen Craig
JULY 6, 2008 AT 7:06 PM 
Dear Karen, I am sure they will know and feel your love. My Father is fading fast but seemed to light up again this past week. Mom said one day he was singing and knew all of the words to the song. Next day he was fully dressed in his wheelchair with a big smile and had his wits about him. Mom wheeled him out into the sun for awhile. Today when I called he was back in that deep sleep. God bless him. From the All we come and into the All we must one day return even though we are ever a part of the All.

Sadness is an experience as singular as pain. No one else knows how one feels. Friends keep friends in thoughts and prayers.

As ever be well,

My Friend,

Stephen Craig Rowe


EbonyWyvernDragon
JULY 7, 2008 AT 5:23 PM
I understand. more than I can say…..our hands are here for you whenever you are ready to take them….. our eyes will read whenever you are ready to share….

((((((((HUG))))))))

Dragon


Linda
JULY 8, 2008 AT 9:54 AM
Take care and know that you are loved – always and forever!

Alone is sometimes the best place to be – especially during rough times. There we can release our frustration and gather the strength to go on.

J W
AUGUST 7, 2008 AT 7:07 AM
We parted on bad terms. It was my failure to notice your struggle with pain that made this so. You are correct. There are simply times when we need to heal, or try to heal, alone. Mistakes were made. I take full blame. Yes, love really does hurt. Being a total jerk is the lot I have to live with concerning you. Hoping you find your peace. I’m working on mine. Sincerely hope you find yours first. Second chances are not always readily at hand. Just want you to be happy. That is a perfect truth.

John


Stephen Craig
AUGUST 23, 2008 AT 11:24 PM
Dear Karen, Work has been busy and all here has been madness mixed with hope, dreams and prayers. The day to day has become, one day at a time. When I rise near the crack of noon my first words are, "Thank God!" As I see the time on my nightstand then fire up the day! Dismissing all that needs be done I then light up my screen and make a pot of coffee. Call my Mother to see how Dad is doing and check email, spaces and blogs. Frame some paintings or make some new art. Then realize it is time to go to work. Enough of this for now. Hope to talk with you soon. As ever be well,

Stephen Craig Rowe


Rick
SEPTEMBER 6, 2008 AT 8:51 PM
Well hope everything is working out for you.But honestly for me this place is ruined. And done so by one person to whom the masses bow down to like sheep in the pasture. Why I can’t even come on here unless I’m piss drunk, and then it’s usually just to stir up some shit with the bad doktor blood whom I consider a Internet predator. No, I’ll never have a blog again, and certainly can see why you have left yours.Too bad really. Because it was enjoyable at one time.Take care…