THE BRICK WALL

Sometime after my divorce in 1998, I tried online dating with no real success. I likened it to repeatedly beating my head against a brick wall. So why am I even comtemplating doing it again? That's a very good question! I guess the best answer to that is that I'm either a glutton for punishment or that I have some eternal optimism buried deep within me. Since I decided to throw myself into the meat market again, I decided to share a few of my online dating stories from back when I did this the first time. 

Actually, I responded to this gentlemen’s ad online. The words he had written tugged at my heart and I felt almost duty bound to respond. After e-mailing and talking on the phone for several weeks, one Saturday evening about 6:30 p.m. he called me and asked me out to dinner. I explained I had been cleaning house all day, hadn’t even had a shower yet and was worn out. He said it didn’t matter and to just throw on a pair of jeans and we’d have casual dinner. Although it was on the spur of the moment, I love spontaneity, so I accepted with the stipulation he had to give me at least an hour to get ready. His drive to pick me up would be at least that long, so he said that wouldn’t be a problem.

As he drove, he called me on his cell phone a few times with the last time being about 10 minutes from my house. We talked until he arrived at my place. During this last conversation he told me he was allergic to strawberries and had inadvertently consumed some in a drink the day before and had broken out in a rash. This was not a problem and I asked him out of concern about the allergy and how he treated the rash. He also, at this point mentioned that his office staff referred to him as looking like a retired football player. That certainly wasn’t a problem. That just meant he was a rugged man. Well, let me tell you that when he got out of his car I almost fell over. If it had been daylight, he would have blocked out the sun!

When Jimmy Johnson was the coach for the Dallas Cowboys, he had a thing for BIG men on his offensive line.....somewhere in the neighborhood of 350lbs each. This guy made them look tiny!!!!! Okay, I’m not into looks and knew I could handle sitting through dinner with this man so his size was unimportant, but when we went inside the restaurant and I saw his allergic reaction, I lost my appetite. I’m no doctor, but whatever was all over his skin was more than one day old. It was scaly patches covering all visible skin with some of the patches having scabs. Not to sound gross, but some patches had scabs that were open and looked like they were oozing. Now, being the person I am...I could have probably even handled that, but as he sat through dinner telling me what I should and shouldn’t do with my poor dismal life and nothing I said was right in his eyes, he suddenly transformed from a very sweet, compassionate person I had gotten to know on the phone to an overbearing egotistical tyrant.

Everything I had done, he had done better. I got to the point where I just wanted to get through dinner and go home, but he had other ideas. He prolonged the agony by insisting on dessert which included showing me a portfolio of pictures of his ex-wife he still had in his wallet. He took extreme pride in pointing out how good she looks in a bikini. I sat in amazement wondering how much more I could tolerate when he started telling me he couldn’t stay out late because he had to fly out to DC early that next morning to testify before the Congress or Senate on some subject. At that point I was so tone deaf, I really couldn’t do anything more than try to imagine this HUGE OOZING male sitting in front of them speaking about anything. I smiled and told him I would make sure I turned the TV on in the morning so I could watch him testify......needless to say, he never appeared on TV and I never got asked out for a second date. As broken hearted as I was, I managed to pull myself together and struggle onward to be captivated by the next perfect man.

DAY 10 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 10: A song that makes you sad

Yusuf Islam (born Steven Demetre Georgiou; 21 July 1948), commonly known by his stage names Cat Stevens, Yusuf, and Yusuf / Cat Stevens, is a British singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. His musical style consists of folk, pop, rock, and, later in his career, Islamic music. He returned to making secular music in 2006. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2014.

His 1967 debut album and its title song "Matthew and Son" both reached top ten in the UK charts. Stevens' albums Tea for the Tillerman (1970) and Teaser and the Firecat (1971) were certified triple platinum in the US. His 1972 album Catch Bull at Four went to No.1 on the Billboard 200 and spent weeks at the top of several other major charts. He earned ASCAP songwriting awards in 2005 and 2006 for "The First Cut Is the Deepest", which has been a hit for four artists. His other hit songs include "Father and Son", "Wild World", "Moonshadow", "Peace Train", and "Morning Has Broken".

Stevens converted to Islam in December 1977, and adopted the name Yusuf Islam the following year. In 1979, he auctioned all of his guitars for charity, and left his musical career to devote himself to educational and philanthropic causes in the Muslim community. He has since bought back at least one of these guitars as a result of the efforts of his son Yoriyos. He was embroiled in a long-running controversy regarding comments he made in 1989, about the death fatwa placed on author Salman Rushdie in response to the publication of Rushdie's novel The Satanic Verses. His current stance is that he never supported the fatwa: "I was cleverly framed by certain questions. I never supported the fatwa." He has received two honorary doctorates and awards for promoting peace as well as other humanitarian awards.

In 2006, he returned to pop music by releasing his first new studio album of new pop songs in 28 years, entitled An Other Cup. With that release and subsequent ones, he dropped the surname "Islam" from the album cover art – using the stage name Yusuf as a mononym. In 2009, he released the album Roadsinger and, in 2014, he released the album Tell 'Em I'm Gone and began his first US tour since 1978. His second North American tour since his resurgence, featuring 12 shows in intimate venues, ran from 12 September to 7 October 2016. In 2017, he released the album The Laughing Apple, now using the stage name Yusuf / Cat Stevens, using the Cat Stevens name for the first time in 39 years. In September 2020, he released Tea for the Tillerman 2, a reimagining of his classic album Tea for the Tillerman to celebrate its 50th anniversary.

 * (borrowed from Wikipedia)

DAY 9 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 9: A song that makes you happy

*It has become a tradition for many classic rock and adult album alternative radio stations to play the song each Thanksgiving. Despite its use of the slur "faggots", radio stations generally present the song as originally recorded, and the Federal Communications Commission has never punished a station for playing it. When performing the song in later years, Guthrie began to change the line to something less offensive and often topical: during the 1990s and 2000s, the song alluded to the Seinfeld episode "The Outing" by saying "They'll think you're gay—not that there's anything wrong with that," and in 2015, Guthrie used the line "They'll think they're trying to get married in some parts of Kentucky", a nod to the controversy of the time surrounding county clerk Kim Davis.

By the late 1970s, Guthrie had removed the song from his regular concert repertoire. In 1984, Guthrie, who was supporting George McGovern's ultimately unsuccessful comeback bid for the Democratic presidential nomination, revived "Alice's Restaurant" to protest the Reagan Administration's reactivation of the Selective Service System registrations. That version has not been released on a commercial recording; at least one bootleg of it from one of Guthrie's performances exists. It was this tour, which occurred near the 20th anniversary of the song (and continued as a general tour after McGovern dropped out of the race), that prompted Guthrie to return the song to his playlist every ten years, usually coinciding with the anniversary of either the song or the incident. The 30th anniversary version of the song includes a follow-up recounting how he learned that Richard Nixon had owned a copy of the song, and he jokingly suggested that this explained the famous 18½-minute gap in the Watergate tapes.

Guthrie rerecorded his entire debut album for his 1997 CD Alice's Restaurant: The Massacree Revisited, on the Rising Son label, which includes this expanded version. The 40th anniversary edition, performed at and released as a recording by the Kerrville Folk Festival, made note of some parallels between the 1960s and the Iraq War and George W. Bush administration. Guthrie revived the song for the 50th anniversary edition in 2015, which he expected would be the last time he would do so. In 2018, Guthrie began the "Alice's Restaurant: Back by Popular Demand" Tour, reuniting with members of his 1970s backing band Shenandoah. The tour, which features Guthrie's daughter Sarah Lee Guthrie as the opening act, was scheduled to wrap up in 2020. To justify bringing the song back out of its usual ten-year sequence, he stated that he was doing so to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the film version of the song. The tour ended in 2019 and was later confirmed to have been Guthrie's last; he suffered a career-ending stroke in November of that year and announced his retirement in October 2020.

* (borrowed from Wikipedia)

THE MEAT MARKET

Listen up! I have not been on a date since 2005! OMG! I really can't believe I'm even considering doing this but here I go...After long and careful deliberation, I've decided to give dating another try. I'll probably throw in the towel and run for cover and regret doing this, but for now, I've made up my mind and I'm going to at least give it a try. How bad can it be, right? Oh please, don't answer that because I already know the answer. 

I remember the last time I did this and it was a long time ago. Look after you reach a certain point in your life, your dating prospects dwindle and the likelihood of meeting that diamond in rough is a long shot. I'm going into this with my eyes wide open because I know I'm damaged goods so like me I'm choosing from a bunch of damaged goods. I'm just hoping to find someone I can mesh well with and who doesn't try to either tell me I'm doing everything wrong in my life or that doesn't immediately sweep me off my feet only to disappoint me five minutes later by being a total loser. 

Semi-normal would be nice! Not on a bunch of psychiatric meds ...sorry that was my ex-husband and thanks but no thanks! I'm tired to being a caregiver! I want someone I can just enjoy life with and feel like I can finally exhale. Tall...intelligent with a great sense of humor and a sense of adventure. Definitely has to be open-minded. Looks aren't really that important to me but sure, it'd be nice to have someone that wasn't fugly. I'm not going to lie. We're all visual creatures and of course, we like to enjoy what we look at. I'm not even going to worry about the physical stuff because I figure that'll either click or it won't. If it doesn't it's back to the drawing board...

Wish me luck! I'm off to races or the meat market! lol

DAY 8 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 8: A song about drugs or alcohol

*"White Rabbit" is one of Grace Slick's earliest songs, written during December 1965 or January 1966. It uses imagery found in the fantasy works of Lewis Carroll—1865's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and its 1871 sequel Through the Looking-Glass—such as changing size after taking pills or drinking an unknown liquid.

Slick wrote the lyrics first, then composed the music at a red upright piano she had bought for US$50 with eight or ten keys missing—"that was OK because I could hear in my head the notes that weren't there" —moving between major chords for the verses and chorus. She said that the music was heavily influenced by Miles Davis's 1960 album Sketches of Spain, particularly Davis's treatment of the Concierto de Aranjuez (1939). She later said: "Writing weird stuff about Alice backed by a dark Spanish march was in step with what was going on in San Francisco then. We were all trying to get as far away from the expected as possible."

Slick said the composition was supposed to be a slap to parents who read their children such novels and then wondered why their children later used drugs. She later commented that all fairytales read to little girls have a Prince Charming who comes and saves them. But Alice did not; she was on her own in a very strange place, but she kept on going and followed her curiosity – "that's the White Rabbit." A lot of women could have taken a message from that story about how you can push your own agenda. The line "feed your head" is about reading, as well as psychedelics feed your head by paying attention: read some books, pay attention.

Characters Slick referenced include Alice, the White Rabbit, the hookah-smoking caterpillar, the White Knight, the Red Queen, and the Dormouse. Slick reportedly wrote the song after an acid trip.

For Slick, "White Rabbit" "is about following your curiosity. The White Rabbit is your curiosity."For her and others in the 1960s, drugs were a part of mind expansion and social experimentation. With its enigmatic lyrics, "White Rabbit" became one of the first songs to sneak drug references past censors on the radio. Even Marty Balin, Slick's eventual rival in Jefferson Airplane, regarded the song as a "masterpiece." In interviews, Slick has related that Alice in Wonderland was often read to her as a child and remained a vivid memory well into her adulthood.

In an interview with The Wall Street Journal, Slick mentioned that, in addition to Alice in Wonderland, her other inspiration for the song was Ravel's Boléro. Like Boléro, "White Rabbit" is essentially one long crescendo. The music combined with the song's lyrics strongly suggests the sensory distortions experienced with hallucinogens, and the song was later used in pop culture to imply or accompany just such a state.

The song was first played by the Great Society in a bar in San Francisco in early 1966, and later when they opened the bill for bigger bands like the Grateful Dead. They made a series of demo records for Autumn Records, for which they were assisted by Sly Stone. Grace Slick said: "We were so bad that Sly eventually played all the instruments so the demo would sound OK." When Slick joined Jefferson Airplane later in 1966, she taught the song to the band, who recorded it for their album Surrealistic Pillow. "White Rabbit" is in the key of F-sharp which Slick acknowledges "is difficult for guitar players as it requires some intricate fingering."

* (borrowed from Wikipedia)

A GIFT FOR EVERYONE

Television commercials back in the Stone Age when I was a kid were anything, but outrageous or shocking. Just reflect for a moment and think how prim and proper everything used to be. Do you remember how the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) kept a tight lid on anything that strayed outside the norm and might be considered offensive or profane? Today just about anything is acceptable. Can you imagine what the public outcry would have been decades ago if an erectile dysfunction or feminine hygiene commercial would have aired? Now, everyone has been properly desensitized and nothing seems shocking or in bad taste.

Yes, it wasn't too long ago when many topics and products were deemed off limits to advertise or discuss. Those products existed, but they were shopped for in secrecy and hidden away as if anyone who used them was somehow defective and twisted. Now, most people just roll their eyes when a Viagra or Cialis commercial comes on the television. K-Y Jelly may still illicit a chuckle or a rude comment or two in some circles, but even the manufacturers of K-Y stepped it up a notch by coming out with K-Y Yours and Mine Couples Lubricant for those moments you want to explore new feelings together. Condoms? No big deal! Do you have a problem with flatulence? Try Bean-O! Do you have leaky pipes? Grab a Depends and worry no more. So what's next?

Is there anything deemed outrageous anymore? When Poo-pourri first hit the market, I thought their commercial.was hilarious. It wasn't until I discovered Poo-pourri is a legitimate product that it really made me laugh. Now when someone says their shit doesn't stink, they may be telling you the truth. And nothing quite says "Merry Christmas" like Merry Spritzmas Poo-pourri and a gift box full of shit glitter pills. Got a princess on your gift list or someone who is impossible to shop for because they have EVERYTHING already? Check Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Nordstrom or Bloomingdale's to see who sells high end shit glitter pills for $450 per capsule. On a budget? Be creative and make your own glitter pills. [*LIGHTBULB MOMENT*] I think the next time I have a colonoscopy, I'm going to load up on glitter pills to make my intestines festive looking for the gastroenterologist. 

*repost from July 27, 2018

DAY 7 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 7: A song to drive to

*Samuel Roy Hagar (born October 13, 1947), also known as The Red Rocker, is an American singer, songwriter, and guitarist. He rose to prominence in the early 1970s with the hard rock band Montrose and subsequently launched a successful solo career, scoring a hit in 1984 with "I Can't Drive 55". He enjoyed commercial success when he replaced David Lee Roth as the second lead vocalist of Van Halen in 1985, but left in 1996. He returned to the band from 2003 to 2005. On March 12, 2007, Hagar was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a member of Van Halen. His musical style primarily consists of hard rock and heavy metal.

Also a businessman, Hagar founded the Cabo Wabo tequila brand and restaurant chain, as well as Sammy's Beach Bar rum. His current musical projects include being the lead singer of Chickenfoot and Sammy Hagar and the Circle. Hagar also is the host of Rock & Roll Road Trip with Sammy Hagar on Mark Cuban's cable network AXS TV.

*(borrowed from Wikipedia)

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

As a child, I played a game called "telephone". A group of us would assemble in a line and the first person would whisper something in the next person's ear...only once! What was heard by each person was passed along the line until it reached the last person. The last person's job was to say out loud what had been whispered in their ear. I always thought it was hilarious how much the initial whisper had been distorted. As I grew older, I saw this same type of distortion in work all around me. I realized how people's perceptions vary even when they witness the same event. Just talk to several people who witness an accident or a crime and one might think that all the witnesses are either crazy, blind or they were at different locations witnessing completely different events. Gossip works the same way. By the time the story gets back to the person who has been the subject of gossip (and it always does), the truth is usually extremely exaggerated. I always enjoyed sending the story back out for Round 2 when I had been the brunt of some juicy tale. Of course, I always made the story juicier instead of trying to clear up any misconception people might have about me. 

Over the years, I've often wondered how many historical stories had been "stretched" somewhat to make the story a better story. We all know "drama" makes for a better story! Just imagine the type of distortions that stories have that have been passed down for hundreds and perhaps thousands of years by word of mouth. It makes me wonder just how reliable are facts in the absence of technology (youtube, camera phones and twitter or Facebook)? [LOL] Even the written word can be subject to speculation and skepticism. I can write anything and claim it's fact, but unless I have empirical evidence all my words will ever do is remain a good story, at best. Will some people believe my words without any proof? Of course! Some people will believe anything without question. Some people want to believe...need to believe! Although the next logical step is for me to discuss the Bible, I'm going to say, "Hold that thought... I shall return!"

* Reposted and edited from 10/11/2011

DAY 6 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

Let's face it, there's an endless amount of dance music floating around to help us trip the light fandango, but there's only one Rocky Horror Picture Show (thank goodness...lol) 

Day 6: A song that makes you want to dance

*The Rocky Horror Picture Show is considered to be the longest-running release in film history. It benefited from a 20th Century Fox policy that made archival films available to theatres at any time. Having never been pulled by 20th Century Fox from its original 1975 release, it continues to play in cinemas. After The Walt Disney Company acquired 20th Century Fox in 2019 and began withdrawing archival Fox movies from theatres to be placed into the Disney Vault, the company made an exception in the case of The Rocky Horror Picture Show to allow the traditional midnight screenings to continue.

Annual Rocky Horror conventions are held in varying locations, lasting days. Tucson, Arizona has been host a number of times, including 1999 with "El Fishnet Fiesta", and "Queens of the Desert" held in 2006.Vera Dika wrote that, to the fans, Rocky Horror is ritualistic and comparable to a religious event, with a compulsive, repeated cycle of going home and coming back to see the film each weekend. The audience call-backs are similar to responses in church during a mass. Many theatre troupes exist across the United States that produce shadow-cast performances where the actors play each part in the film in full costume, with props, as the movie plays on the big screen in a movie theatre. O'Brien's Orchestra, formerly known as the Queerios (based in Austin, Texas), is the longest running shadow-cast in Texas.

* (borrowed from Wikipedia)

 

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY

We all do stupid things at times, but when I do something stupid, I always take it to a new level. My stupidity is almost like an art form...a thing of beauty to be remembered and talked about for decades. My newest act of stupidity started 3 days ago and I'm still shaking my head in amazement each time I think about it. Why bother doing that? Well, in part it has to do with being an "emotional cutter" plus I freely admit I'm a glutton for punishment! Seriously, just ask anyone who knows me! Load it on, baby! I can handle anything!

My colonoscopy and upper endoscopy was scheduled for 11:40am on Thursday, March 28th with a 10:40am check-in. Monday, I made sure I had all the necessary implements of torture to cleanse my system of all the bubblegum I swallowed back in 8th grade:

• a package of Dulcolax Tablets
• a 8.3 ounce bottle of Miralax
• two 32 ounce bottles of Gatorade
• all the suggested "clear" liquids to consume during the day before my colonoscopy

I chose the Miralax prep because the prep I used for my two previous colonoscopies were almost unbearable to drink. As we used to say in the days of my youth, it was enough to gag a maggot. They say to refrigerate the prep so it's easier to drink. Ha! If it tastes that bad cold, I can only imagine what it tastes like at room temperature. That'll bring tears to your eyes...and not in a joyful way!

On the day of my prep, I did everything as instructed:

•  I consumed NO food all day
•  I forced clear liquids only
•  At 12 noon, I took 4 Dulcolax tablets and then I mixed the whole bottle of Miralax with the Gatorade, then placed it in the refrigerator to chill
• At 6pm I drank one 8ounce glass of the Miralax/Gatorade mixture and continued to drink 8 ounces every 15 minutes until the entire 64 ounces were gone.
• And then I waited patiently and gave everyone in the house instructions to not dillydally in the downstairs bathroom or else they'd clean up the mess.

By 7:30pm a little ahead of schedule, I had consumed all the mixture. I had never drank Gatorade before, so I didn't know what to expect, but I have to admit it wasn't awful. The taste reminded me of what a salty/sweet, watered-down, orange-flavored Kool-aid might taste like. About an hour after I had finished, I felt a little nauseous, but that quickly passed, but nothing else passed at that time unfortunately.

8 o'clock came and went. 9 o'clock came and went. 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock came and went. By 1am, I was starting to get really tired. When 2am came, I was starting to get concerned. Of course, I googled how long it takes a Miralax colonoscopy prep to start working. All that did was make me more anxious. From what I read, the concoction starts working fairly fast. Yes, I have gastroparesis and my digestive system works at a crawl, but this prep was all liquid so there wasn't anything to digest. It should have been a straight shot from end to end. What was the delay?

At about 2:15am, my gut started rumbling so loud that it woke up the dogs. They looked startled as I scurried off to the bathroom. For the next hour, I ran to the bathroom every few minutes. By 3:30am, my gut felt a little better, so I laid down. I felt really fatigued and before I knew it I had fallen sound asleep. 

At about 4am, my sound sleep was interrupted by a gurgling brook. When I awoke, I was a little disoriented at first. I felt wet and there was a foul stench I couldn't quite identify. At first, I thought one of my dogs had had an accident, but as I became fully awake I realized what had happened. I laid there for a moment and rolled my eyes and shook my head! The wet sensation I felt was a gurgling fecal eruption that had happened while I slumbered. Oh yes! While I snoozed, my bowels oozed. I couldn't blame that on the dogs. I laid there trying to figure out how I was going to roll over and get out of bed without creating a bigger mess than there already was.

As I sat up, my gurgling brook started oozing down my legs. I quickly tried to stop it from reaching the floor by tightening the bottoms of my pajamas legs to hold the mess in. It had a tourniquet effect and prevented me from leaving a trail all the way to the bathroom. As I reached the bathroom walking slowly and quite bow-legged, I decided that I didn't like my black capri-length pajamas enough to salvage them. After I took a shower, I discarded my badly soiled pjs in a lavender-scented garbage bag. Ha! [Note to self: write to garbage bag company and tell them they need a stronger scent] I actually managed to tie a neat bow on top of the garbage bag with its bright red plastic ties. After all, it was like a gift going to the local landfill. If I had thought about it, I would have marked the white bag as being "Hazardous Waste" or "WARNING! OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!" Between being exhausted and trying to be as quiet as possible, my twisted sense of humor failed me. 

Before I left my house just after 10am to meet my 10:40am check-in time, I had one more eruption followed by another shower. I was beginning to wonder how they were ever going to give me a colonoscopy since I was nowhere near being cleaned out. All sorts of images flashed through my head and none of them were pleasant, yet all of them were quite comical. I could actually envision the words "prolific shitter" being documented in my medical records as a warning/reminder to the future medical staff members.

 

Because anyone getting a colonoscopy/endoscopy requires a person 18 years or older to accompany them to the facility and be their designated driver after the procedure, I brought my youngest son, Matthew with me. As I told him the events of my colonoscopy prep, the thought of his mother falling asleep and losing control of her bowels filled him with a sense that something was right with the world after all.

The story gets really intense here, so pay attention. When we entered the facility to check-in, I was told that my appointment was the next day. I just stood there speechless staring at the woman behind the counter. Somehow I had got my days mixed up and went through the prep for nothing. Does that qualify me as being a dumbass? I wonder how many people have done that exact same thing. 

At this point, my options were to wait around until after 5pm and let the other doctor do my procedures since my doctor wasn't on site that day, but I was told that the other doctor was already an hour and a half behind and it wasn't even 11am. They were even nice enough to call around to see if my doctor was at one of the other facilities, but alas, he was in the office all day and had no procedures scheduled. My other options were to continue to push clear liquids all day and to come back the next day to do my scheduled procedure or to reschedule my appointment. And the winner is...I chose to reschedule because I'm diabetic and felt it wasn't smart to go for two day without food. 

Now, to add insult to injury, when I left The Endoscopy Center I was famished so I had my son stop at one of my favorite restaurants for lunch...a Mexican place. I ordered fajitas. They were savagely devoured like I hadn't eaten in a month. I followed that by having an order of Nachos Bellgrande, two beef MexiMelts and two soft beef tacos from Taco Hell (Taco Bell) the very next day because nothing says glutton for punishment quite like eating food from Taco Hell. My already compromised digestive system was screaming, "WTF are you doing?" Yesterday afternoon, I finally completed my clean out by taking Imodium to quiet my bowels. They weren't just singing! They had gotten to the fever pitch of a heavy metal band. My intestines felt like they were in a crowded mosh pit with no way out. 

Things are back to normal now and my next appointment is scheduled for May 2nd. The moral to this story is DO NOT fall asleep after doing a colonoscopy prep and always know what day of the week it is.

*reposted and edited from March 19, 2019

PARALYSIS

One never realizes how far they have come in their

own journey of grief until they look back upon it. I just

found this poem I wrote about my mother dated March 14, 2021.

Paralysis

While spring has sprung,

the memory of death is all around me.

My nostrils welcome the sweet aroma of the springtime air

while it hides the putrid stench of decay and loss

with its perfume, a beguiling mask, a welcome escape.

The birds sing while I weep

Announcing the rebirth, a new beginning...a hunger for life

After such an unceremonious ending

My heart is broken.

Will this sadness dissipate or

Do I also just slip away into the night

Alone, lost and fearing the cold hand of death?

by Mildred Ratched aka Red Kitten >^.^< 

That's enough for today...I think I may go paint a picture!

DAY 5 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

 Day 5: A song that needs to be played loud

With so many great songs to choose from I decided to pay homage to Jim Morrison and The Doors this morning. Set your groove dials back a few decades and rock out to this one with the volume pumped up...

*The Doors began with a chance meeting between acquaintances Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek on Venice Beach in July 1965. They recognized one another from when they had both attended the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television. Morrison told Manzarek he had been writing songs. As Morrison would later relate to Jerry Hopkins in Rolling Stone, "Those first five or six songs I wrote, I was just taking notes at a fantastic rock concert that was going on inside my head. And once I'd written the songs, I had to sing them." With Manzarek's encouragement, Morrison sang the opening words of "Moonlight Drive": "Let's swim to the moon, let's climb through the tide, penetrate the evening that the city sleeps to hide." Manzarek was inspired, thinking of all the music he could play to accompany these "cool and spooky" lyrics.

Manzarek was then in a band called Rick & the Ravens with his brothers Rick and Jim, while drummer John Densmore was playing with the Psychedelic Rangers and knew Manzarek from meditation classes. Densmore joined the group later in August 1965. Together, they combined varied musical backgrounds, from jazz, rock, blues, and folk music idioms. The five, along with bass player Patty Sullivan, and now christened the Doors, recorded a six-song demo on September 2, 1965, at World Pacific Studios in Los Angeles. The band took their name from the title of Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception, itself derived from a line in William Blake's The Marriage of Heaven and Hell: "If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite." In late 1965, after Manzarek's two brothers left, guitarist Robby Krieger joined.

From February to May 1966, the group had a residency at the "rundown" and "sleazy" Los Angeles club London Fog, appearing on the bill with "Rhonda Lane Exotic Dancer". The experience gave Morrison confidence to perform in front of a live audience, and the band as a whole to develop and, in some cases, lengthen their songs and work "The End" and "Light My Fire" into the pieces that would appear on their debut album. Manzarek later said that at the London Fog the band "became this collective entity, this unit of oneness ... that is where the magic began to happen." The group soon graduated to the more esteemed Whisky a Go Go, where they were the house band (starting from May 1966), supporting acts, including Van Morrison's group Them. On their last night together the two bands joined up for "In the Midnight Hour" and a twenty-minute jam session of "Gloria".

On August 10, 1966, they were spotted by Elektra Records president Jac Holzman, who was present at the recommendation of Love singer Arthur Lee, whose group was with Elektra Records. After Holzman and producer Paul A. Rothchild saw two sets of the band playing at the Whisky a Go Go, they signed them to the Elektra Records label on August 18 — the start of a long and successful partnership with Rothchild and sound engineer Bruce Botnick. The Doors were fired from the Whisky on August 21, 1966, when Morrison added an explicit retelling and profanity-laden version of the Greek myth of Oedipus during "The End".

The Doors were the first American band to accumulate eight consecutive gold LPs. According to the RIAA, they have sold 34 million albums in the United States and over 100 million records worldwide, making them one of the best-selling bands of all time. The Doors have been listed as one of the greatest artists of all time by magazines including Rolling Stone, which ranked them 41st on its list of the "100 Greatest Artists of All Time." In 1993, they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

*borrowed from Wikipedia 

PENGUINS

 I hadn't painted anything in quite awhile...

WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS NOW?

[This whole post goes hand in hand with today's song! The first part of this post is taken from a post written in 2006 where I'm discussing an ongoing game of cat and mouse played between The Wizzard and me that spans from 2004 to 2018. The end of the post I wrote this morning where as I have to admit that cat and mouse game never stopped until The Wizzard as I nicknamed him because he was such a great sailor took his last breath. He did his first solo sail from Rhode Island to Bermuda when he was 15. By the way, I intentionly spelled Wizzard with two z's.] 

At present, I am engaged in a rather odd ongoing rather lengthy game of cat and mouse. I'm usually up for anything challenging, risky and a bit unconventional. As a participant, I'm always confident of the outcome, yet in this case I haven't figured out who's the cat, who's the mouse and what the stakes are for playing this game. I do, however, know all things come with some sort of a pricetag, but this pricetag seems so elusive. Win or lose, I know my investment (perseverance, honesty and unconditional love) has not gone unnoticed and on some level are qualities that have kept me in this game. My mind reflects on the serenity prayer remembering the difference between the things I can and can not change, but I choose to change nothing and remain steadfast until the end. I'll roll the dice and see what happens.... I fear the extremes, yet crave them like a drug. As this subtle, unrehearsed, spontaneous dance continues, the issue of options seems like a worthy topic to hold my focus for awhile...What are my options? I'm told to make my own options and eventually I will. Eventually, when all is said and done, things will have happened just as they were supposed to happen.

Out of the blue, the conversation changes from idle chitchat about basically nothing to let's read between the lines and see who can be more stubborn.The Wizzard or Red Kitten?

Wizzard: What would you do with me?
Red Kitten: Huh?
Wizzard: I said, "What would you do with me?"
Red Kitten: Yes, I saw that
Wizzard: And?
Red Kitten: And if I have to do something with you, what are my options and I'll pick one...maybe two things.
Wizzard: Make your own options.
Red Kitten: Yeah right!
Wizzard: I asked, "What would you do with me?"
Wizzard: You get to name the options, what are ya skeered?
Red Kitten: You know nothing scares me.
Wizzard: So?
Wizzard: Afraid of laying it on the line?
Red Kitten: Okay...I'd pick a ride on your bike and a few laughs.
Wizzard: Sounds like a good time.
Red Kitten: I think you know me better than that...like I said, nothing scares me.
Red Kitten: Are you afraid to lay it on the line?
Wizzard: But that sounds like a good time, low risk.
Red Kitten: It sounds like a male thing to me.
Red Kitten: lol

This is where the Wizzard retreats until next time and although we maintained a lasting friendship he never was able to tell me what he wanted from me. Unfortunately, it became a stalmate because neither one of us would budge. Too many things had happened between us for his simple apologies to fix the problems or for his amazing charm to gloss over the pain I felt. He had crushed my ego and made me question my self-worth.

The damage had been done and there was no walking that back. My heart would never trust him again and as it seems many years later my heart hasn't been able to trust anyone since. We remained friends, but we never were lovers again. The Wizzard moved from Texas to North Carolina and wanted me to join him there, but I couldn't...I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow him back inside my head and my heart like that again.

The Wizzard died in 2018 and I never saw him before he died so we could say our good byes.  

I did however find out what the pricetag for this cat and mouse game we played with each other was...it was my heart!

What are my options now? It's to move on and stop beating myself up. It's to mend my self-worth in whatever way I can. What Tom did was cruel, but it's been just as cruel of me to have bought into it all this time. I know who I am. Yes, I have flaws and impefections. We all have flaws! Someone who is going to love me, will love the whole package, flaws and all. That person won't make me feel like less of a person for not being perfect.

DAY 4 - 30 SONGS IN 30 DAYS

Day 4: A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget

*Sir George Ivan Morrison (born 31 August 1945), known professionally as Van Morrison, is a Northern Irish singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist whose recording career spans six decades. He has won two Grammy Awards.

As a teenager in the late 1950s, he played a variety of instruments such as guitar, harmonica, keyboards and saxophone for several Irish showbands, covering the popular hits of that time. Known as "Van the Man" to his fans,Morrison rose to prominence in the mid 1960s as the lead singer of the Northern Irish R&B and rock band Them. With Them, he recorded the garage band classic "Gloria".

Under the pop-oriented guidance of Bert Berns, Morrison's solo career began in 1967 with the release of the hit single "Brown Eyed Girl". After Berns's death, Warner Bros. Records bought out Morrison's contract and allowed him three sessions to record Astral Weeks (1968). While initially a poor seller, the album has become regarded as a classic. Moondance (1970) established Morrison as a major artist and he built on his reputation throughout the 1970s with a series of acclaimed albums and live performances.

Much of Morrison's music is structured around the conventions of soul music and early rhythm and blues. An equal part of his catalogue consists of lengthy, spiritually inspired musical journeys that show the influence of Celtic tradition, jazz and stream-of-consciousness narrative, such as the album Astral Weeks.The two strains together are sometimes referred to as "Celtic soul." His live performances have been described as "transcendental" and "inspired," and his music as attaining "a kind of violent transcendence."

Morrison's albums have performed well in Ireland and the UK, with more than 40 reaching the UK top 40. With the release of 2021's Latest Record Project, Volume 1 he scored top ten albums in the UK in four consecutive decades. Eighteen of his albums have reached the top 40 in the United States, twelve of them between 1997 and 2017. He has received two Grammy Awards, the 1994 Brit Award for Outstanding Contribution to Music, the 2017 Americana Music Lifetime Achievement Award for Songwriting and has been inducted into both the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. In 2016, he was knighted for services to the music industry and to tourism in Northern Ireland.

 * borrowed from Wikipedia