Martha: What's up buttercup?
Mildred: You’re going to laugh at me. I hope you're sitting down.
Martha: Oh goody.....that always makes my little black heart red!
Mildred: So I got high as fuck last night and I’m holding that damn stone Angel gave me because I’m supposed to hold it as instructed by her.
Mildred: So I’m laying in bed in the dark holding the stone and chatting with Jesse and I lose the damn stone. I can’t find it anywhere.
Martha: Uhhhohhhhhh
Mildred: I look around. I move the dogs. I look on the floor. It’s really late so I finally say fuck it. I’ll look for it in the morning when it’s light out.
Martha: Go on......
Mildred: So this morning I get up and tear my bed apart, no stone...
Mildred: I look all around my bed, no stone...
Martha: WTF?
Mildred: Under my bed, no stone...
Mildred: Not on my nightstand!
Mildred: It’s nowhere!
Mildred: I’m fucking freaking out because it vanished!
Mildred: So I figured it’ll turn up eventually because I didn’t get out of bed while I had it in my hand.
Martha: Have you found it?
Mildred: No!!!
Mildred: So, I’m in the bathroom getting dressed and I looked down. There wedged in my belly bottom is that damn stone.
Martha: Oh jeezus!
Martha: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Martha: That's what they call pop in belly button jewelry
Mildred: I have a really deep belly bottom.
Mildred: I don’t remember putting it there. lol
Mildred: I was really high!
Martha: Well......you WERE stoned off your ass!
Mildred: Fucking Apple Fritter strain. See what happens when I try something new? lol
Mildred: OMG
Martha: Save me a hit!!!
Martha: I need to try it!!!
Mildred: I thought you’d want to hear about this one!
Martha: Absolutely! You never cease to dazzle and amaze me😘
Mildred: Why the hell would I put a rock in my belly button?
Martha: Maybe I'll get a belly stone, too!
Mildred: lol
Martha: Who the hell knows why! Who the hell knows why you do anything you do?
Mildred: It's amazing it stayed in there all that time and didn’t come out.
Mildred: I wish someone had taken a pic of the look on my face when I discovered it was in my belly button.
Martha: Did it pop right out or did you have to dig for it?
Mildred: No it came right out.
Mildred: I don’t know about me sometimes!
Martha: I know, I feel ya!
Mildred: Well, the stone has my mojo on it now. That's for sure!
Martha: And belly button lint
Mildred: And some belly button lint
Mildred: Jinx!
Martha: Lmao....great minds!
Mildred: We need to pinkie swear and do a wish.
Mildred: What can I wish for?
Martha: Pinky swear......make a wish!
Martha: Done!
Mildred: I don’t know what I want to wish for.
Mildred: Hmmmmm! What do I really want?
Mildred: Oh, I wish I'd get laid!
Martha: You can't tell me or else it won't come true.
Mildred: That one may take a boulder in my belly button! lol
Martha: Ouch!
Mildred: Oh yeah! I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Let me wish for something else.
Mildred: It’ll be a secret this time!
Martha: Good!
Mildred: Okay! Done!
Mildred: We’ll see how strong the power of the pinkie swear really is!
Mildred: So how are you today? Did you put any foreign objects in any of your orifices?
Martha: I'm okay, and no.....not today!
Mildred: I’m so proud of you! At least one of us is thinking straight.
Martha: I got lucky.
Mildred: This time!
Mildred: I’m still chuckling. Do these things happen to other people?
Martha: I just told Max.
Mildred: I can't be held responsible for my actions. I exceeded Snoop Dogg's usual consumption of weed last night. I was completely cooked.
Martha: Max just shook his head.
Mildred: But he loves me.
Martha: He does!
Mildred: You have to love a fool and at least he didn't tell you to spray me with the hose like before.
Mildred: Not many people would admit to something like that and at least I'm honest. lol
Mildred: It takes a special person to admit to their colorful blunders.
Mildred: and I’m special.
Martha: You're special alright!
Mildred: But I can’t spell or speak today...it must be that damn stone! It put some funky Hoodoo on me! I put it back on the shelf. I'm keeping it away from me! It's dangerous!
Mildred: I think I may need some more Apple Fritter to straighten me out after all of that trauma I went through! lol
This is mild compared to some of our conversations! Who knew two women our age would talk like this! Lol
ReplyDeleteIf I posted most our conversations I don't know if they'd even get a R rating. Some of them have been rather raunchy! lol But what can you expect from two old saucy tarts like us?
DeleteThat is one deep belly button. Or the stone is tiny.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Though my belly button is deep, it isn't a crater. The stone is pretty small.
DeleteAs one man said, during a firefight in Vietnam with explosions and gunfire all around, when his best friend next to him got shot in the hand with an ARROW of all things, "Only you, man, only you!"
ReplyDeleteAptly said! I guess we all have friends that just get us and we can go hog wild with and let our hair down and be ourselves around them without having to worry about them thinking we're awful people...not that I really care what anyone thinks of me lol. I think I have about a handful of childhood friends who really know and love Mildred just the way she is...warts and all!
Delete