ARE DESIGNER BABIES A GOOD IDEA?

Here's a rather controversial story coming out of the scientific community and one that you might want to weigh in on with your opinion after watching the video.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TWENTY-ONE

Truth #21: Variety is the spice of life. Yes, some people can take this concept a bit too far and get themselves in a lot of trouble with it especially regarding relationships, but in general it makes life much more interesting. Think about how boring everything would be if everyone thought the same way, acted the same way and did everything exactly alike. We would be nothing more than clones of each other! We would have no room for debate or for learning new things from one another. One of the things I enjoy the most in a new relationship of any type is the getting to know a person stage. This stage always allows me to broaden my horizons by teaching me new things and exposing me to new ideas and new interests I didn't have before. I've read books, listened to music, watched shows and movies, met people and gone places I never would have if I had closed myself off from the idea of variety being the spice of life and other people being the instrument leading me to that spice. Sometimes you just have to open your heart and mind in order to get a little spicy... 

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

I had an extremely restless night last night. I was in a lot of pain. Sleep came relatively early which is very unusual for me, but my dreams were strange and scattered. I kept feeling like someone was brushing my hair away from my face. That didn't really bother me, but I couldn't wake myself to see who it was. At the times I did wake up, my pain was so intense I had tears in my eyes because of it. Then I would drift in and out of sleep almost like I had been drugged, but I wasn't drugged. The weird part about the whole thing is that this morning when I woke up to take my dogs out around 6am. When I turned my lamp on there was a pile of sunflower seeds on my nightstand. I don't have any sunflower seeds in my house and I can't tell you when the last time I even ate any sunflower seeds. I have no idea how they got there and they weren't there when I went to bed last night. I really do think I have a poltergeist or maybe I'm going crazy!

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TWENTY

Truth #20:  One of my favorite quotes is by Carlos Castaneda. I find it to be extremely true and beneficial to anyone who cares to put some real work into their life. We all have times when we sink into despair and feel miserable. Some people prefer to remain in that wretched cesspool barely keeping their head above water because it becomes a comfortable, familiar place to exist. They find reasons to continually browbeat themselves and punish themselves so that their sorrow makes sense as if they have some harsh dues to pay. They reinforce every mistake they've ever made with negative internal dialogue until they believe there is nothing good in life left for them. No, we can't turn back the hands of time! Nobody gets a do over, but what we do get is a second chance at finding some happiness and with it some inner peace. Coming out of pure misery requires strength, courage and the belief that there is something better out there than sitting at the gates of Hell and being emotionally bankrupt waiting for our days here on Earth to wind down.  

THE READING ROOM

Like many people, I call my bathroom "the library" or "the reading room." Take your pick.  The selection of reading material in my bathroom range from good old Readers Digests to a book titled 1001 Facts That Will Scare The Shit Out of You (The Ultimate Bathroom Reader). Although the book was published in 2010 and some of the facts are outdated now, I'd like to start discussing some of the ones I think are noteworthy.

Since the book has twenty chapters, I'll have plenty of material to select for blog posts.  The premise of the book is set up by citing a fact followed by a snarky comment by the author about the fact. Each fact is backed up by some sort of research which is cited in the right-hand column. Chapter One is titled "Are You Gonna Eat That?"

Here's a good one for all us peanut butter lovers. What I want to know is if this includes Jif since choosy mothers choose Jif... Oh no! I love Jif!

FACT: One pound of peanut butter can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs. (Up to 150. That means there could only be 120-130. Whew! I was almost disgusted there for a second.)

Let's not discriminate and leave the wine drinkers left out of this horror show.

FACT: Most wines are made from grapes harvested by machines that scythe through everything in their path, including sticks, insects, rodents and even larger mammals which can make their way into the end product. This is known to wine growers as MOG or "material other than grapes." (MOG also stands for "Mother of God I think that was a hoof.")

*Repost from June 18, 2019

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY NINETEEN

Truth #19: Racism is wrong! It's not something that we are genetically born with. It's something we learn along the way through our life experiences. It's ugly! It's vile! It's harsh! It's painful! And it's up to each of us to look at our fellow man as human beings, as equals and not as different because they have a different color skin than we have. We need to judge each person on deed and not on skin color. Each infringement on this simple truth is a mark against humanity and nothing more. 

A KODAK MOMENT

Hello world! The rumors of my untimely demise have been grossly exaggerated. While some will jump for joy over this news, others will grumble and moan.  I seem to have that effect on people. This anecdote seemed appropriate to signal that I've finally come up for air with my twisted humor intact. Or maybe it means the Zoloft and anti-anxiety meds are actually working.

On my way to a doctor's appointment not too long ago I stopped and took the photo below.  The independently-owned gas station that once had done business at a prime location had been rudely squeezed out of business by two convenience stores very close by. I'm sure that's a too familiar story for many small business owners. Now, the once thriving business claim to fame is barbecued turkey legs (not listed on the sign), sweet potatoes, boiled peanuts and an occasional carwash for some local charity or school.  You can't get more Southern than that except if they offered ice cold moonshine as a beverage to wash away your cares.

As I came to a stop at the traffic light at the intersection on which this once booming business rests, I did a quick double take. Obviously, either new services are now being offered or some young hooligan rearranged the letters to get some laughs. Yep, I actually circled around so I could take a picture on my cell phone from the parking lot. I have to admit I was tempted to ask how much does it cost to get an "oiled anus" because the price wasn’t listed and after all knowing the price is an important thing especially for those who are on a tight budget.  I exercised my almost non-existent self-control by simply driving away with a smile on my face, but only after securing a picture that truly is worth a thousand words or in this case, three hundred and nineteen words.

* Repost from November 30, 2015

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY EIGHTEEN

Truth #18: You never know where or when Murphy's Laws will strike next! It's usually when you're least expecting it and least prepared. I always say that it's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. It seems my whole life has been testament to proving that theory to be correct until I put myself in a rather lengthy time-out. Just recently I've been half-ass dabbling with this online dating stuff and wouldn't you know it that I stumbled across someone quite accidently who actually tickled my fancy by what he wrote in his profile, etc. Of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone! I had to send him a message. 

In my mind I see this guy getting with a bunch of bimbos, airheads and all sorts of women who just don't get him and he's bored to death. He wants a little mental stimulation to put some pep in his step. He wants pizzazz! Some gusto! Something real! I had no intention of doing anything, but giving him some encouragement but not on my behalf but to stay in the game and to continue his hunt. So I sent him a message:

Nope! I don't want to be anyone's "Florida vacation."  The last time that happened, it put me in a lengthy time-out and I'm just starting to dig my way out of that now. You talk about a severe case of PSTD! The trouble here isn't that we wouldn't click, it's that we would and then hey, reality would set in. We live over 500 miles apart and long distance relationships rarely work. Naturally, you want to be with the person and can't be. Then the worst happens...convenience finally wins out. One or the other or both of us would find someone locally to take the loneliness away. Don't you like how I just had a whole relationship with someone I don't even know in just a few sentences? That's very insightful of me because I know myself and I see the writing on the wall. I know the far away galaxy he seeks too well and I think I could razzle dazzle him with some deep meaningful whatever and then some. But I'm not going there...I can't!!! So repeat after me, Mildred! I am not going to go there. Back off and leave it alone :)

TIME

Time, for many, is a healer of wounds...both physical and emotional. Time gives each of us a chance to be eternally hopeful because time seems to hold an infinite quantity of second chances. It allows the opportunity for self-examination to those bold enough to explore within. Time acts, in many instances, as the catalyst that makes us choose one path rather than another. I smile as I think of the times instant gratification has influenced my decisions. Instead of choosing wisely or cautiously, I chose what felt best in the heat of the moment. How different my life would have been if I had given more thought to the consequences of my decisions! Nonetheless time always ironed out the kinks and made even the roughest roads easier to travel. Time too often morphs into a dreaded enemy who extinguishes life’s positive spark with uncertainty and fear. Time demands each of us to face the unknown. How we handle that unknown and incorporate it into our character shows our true strength and versatility. A person who remains “young at heart” has embraced the inevitable seasons of life. Growing old gracefully is an art that depicts a rare, true inner beauty. Vanity creates a battlefield in which gray hair and wrinkles are silent soldiers who strike unmercifully while we are busy living life. One day we awake to find our bodies have changed and our days are numbered. The gift of immortality was just an illusion. It isn't until we grow older that we see all good things do come to an end and dying is just as much a part of life as living has been. Ultimately, is time a friend or foe?

Time is Too slow for those who wait, Too swift for those who fear, Too long for those who grieve, Too short for those who rejoice; But for those who love, Time is eternity

~Henry Van Dyke~

Gratitude statement: I'm thankful time hasn't closed my heart from the pain I've experienced, but opened it to be more understanding and compassionate. 

* Repost from April 30, 2010

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY SEVENTEEN

Truth #17:  Worrying about anything never changes the outcome. All it does is make you tense, miserable and a borderline lunatic while you wait or work through a problem or find a solution to some pressing issue in your life. Sometimes it makes the matter seem impossible and a hundred worse than what it really is. I never could figure out why some people worry about EVERYTHING even about stuff that hasn't happened yet and may never happen. They have Plan A, Plan B and sometimes Plan C all figured out for things that might never happen. But of course if that zombie apocalypse does happen they'll be fully prepared for it while the rest of us perish wishing we had paid closer attention to what the worriers were doing.  

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

My memories of Christmas don’t involve lavish gifts or miracles. No, Christmas during my younger years wasn’t like that at all. Although I must admit I don’t remember ever wanting something and not getting it eventually. My children would (in unison) tell anyone that ideology and practice is called "delayed gratification" and delayed gratification builds character. My memories of Christmas as a child have more to do with the simple things and of the people who touched my life each Christmas season. As a young child our tree always seemed so huge, but thinking back on it now, the tree was probably no better or bigger than any "Charlie Brown" type tree. If memory serves me correct, my father used to go out into the woods and cut our tree each year. My mother would probably have a different memory of that occasion and tell me he was too drunk to do that. 

Regardless of whose memory is correct, each year we did have a tree from the woods of Maine and the tree was amazing! Maybe the elves brought it! Who knows? What I remember most about the tree is how my cats loved it. The ornaments seemed to give them endless joy throughout the Christmas season. The one ornament I remember clearest were ones made of tiny pinecones and painted white. Somehow they were fashioned into looking like birds. Needless to say, the cats found them along with everything else hanging from the tree fair game and put there for their amusement. After all isn’t a Christmas tree just a giant green cat toy? 

I was a quick understudy as a child. My brothers taught me if a string was pulled across the gifts very slowly, the cats would "accidentally" tear open the wrapping paper just enough for a peek inside. Of course, we were always warned not to do that, but mysteriously each year the gifts almost looked shredded by the time Christmas would come along. Those pesky cats were so naughty at times! Some winters would be barren right up until Christmas Eve and then miraculously come Christmas morning everything would be dusted with snow. The new fallen snow added to the spirit of the season and the anticipation of getting outside after being penned up in the house was almost unbearable. New snow meant sledding and snowball fights! 

While at Barnes and Noble recently I saw a Christmas card that was so "me". The only reason I didn’t get it was because I didn’t like the verse written inside. I usually go for some "beachy" Christmas scene to send to all my friends and relatives up North, but this year I opted for a cute kitty card. The card at Barnes and Noble that I saw made me think of my misspent youth. The picture was a black and white shot of a little boy bundled up in winter clothing standing next to a metal pole (most likely a flagpole) with his tongue stuck to the pole. I can’t remember how many times as a child I used to do the same thing. Why? Just because I could and probably because I was told not to do it. I learned quickly just how quickly I had to remove my tongue so it wouldn't stick to the flagpole at school...others weren't so lucky! Guess what? I still have my entire tongue! 

Each Christmas morning after unwrapping our gifts, my brothers and I would clean up the mess while my mother cooked a meal fit for royalty. One year my mother told my brothers that when I stopped believing in Santa, we would start opening our gifts on Christmas Eve so that the house wouldn’t be such a mess the next day. Let me end this entry by sharing that at the ripe old age of 5, I opened my gifts on Christmas Eve and have been doing so ever since. You see, my family is so good every year that Santa puts my family at the very top of his delivery list.

*Repost from November 23, 2011

MAGIC MUSHROOMS: FRIENDS OR FOES?

In this rather long article in Medical News Today treating depression and other mental health disorders like PTSD, anxiety and alcoholism by micodosing  psychedelic mushrooms and other psychedelic drugs is discussed in detail. If you or someone you know is considering this avenue of treatment, you might want to read this article.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY SIXTEEN

Truth #16: Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be. Yes, children are born into this world without filters especially when it comes to honesty. As they grow up they learn how to cover the truth by using tact or worse, by outright lying. Being truthful in many situations we are told hurts people's feelings and so honesty is pushed aside for something a little more humane, thus we witness the birth of lies or "white lies" we like to call them. Children learn to lie for many reasons until all those reasons blend into one. As we become adults, some of us forget how or when to tell the truth because using "tact" is easier. But for a child the truth is always right there in the forefront waiting to be verbalized without hesitation or malice. For them, it's simple and straightforward. The truth is the truth!

WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS

This post was originally written and posted in 2005 on my original blog, Abnormally Normal People.

The caged bird sings for freedom. It sings as a disguise. It sings because if it remains silent, it will fade away and die. Many times I have tried to place myself in other people's shoes especially those people who feel as if they have to hide or cover up who they really are or conceal the lifestyle they have chosen to live because they fear the stigma and rejection attached to it. I grew up being the black sheep of the family, but even the antics of a black sheep doesn't come close to type of reaction created by someone who is homosexual. I can almost understand why some people try to lead a straight life, be something they are not and never feel comfortable enough to reveal who they really are. The inner turmoil must be devastating. Yes, I know all those who still say horrific things about homosexuality. I've heard all the arguments...all the pros and cons!!! I guess my views on the subject allow me to see the person as a human being and not as some perverted demon or freak of nature. 

Several years ago my mother made a strange statement to me one day. She told me that I had changed her views on homosexuals. Me? I'm straight....how did I do that? She asked me if I remembered the day I first learned that one of my female cousins was a lesbian. I thought back to that day over 30 years ago and remembered what an uproar within the family that announcement had caused. Hey, at the time I probably felt relieved because the focus wasn't on me and the gossip was centered elsewhere! Yes, I remember being told! My mother asked me if I remembered what I said to her when she told me about my cousin. I thought back, but I couldn't remember my initial reaction. 

My mother refreshed my memory by telling me that I informed everyone in the room that my cousin was the same person as she was the day before they all knew she was a lesbian. As far as I was concerned, nothing had changed. My mother said my words stuck with her and she knew what I had said was true. She stopped labeling my cousin and allowed her to continue being the person we always knew her to be. That acceptance broadened in time and allowed my mother to view others with different preferences and lifestyles as being just as human as she is and it made me smile knowing the black sheep can be pretty sagely at times!

Gratitude statement: I'm truly thankful for being able to view people's differences as differences and not in terms of making one person better than another. 

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY FIFTEEN

Truth #15: One of the most frustrating things in life is trying to be someone you aren't. Take someone who desperately wants to live what they perceive to be as a normal life, but they are completely miserable in doing so because that person needs a little spice, a little wild hair every now and then to feel what's normal for them, but to fit in they go against what their core is telling them to be. My mother always told me "to thine ownself be true" but how far should one take that? I'm not talking about let's all go out and swing from the trees, become serial killers or live out all our wildest fantasies, but what if someone struggles with living a lifestyle that's not meant for them to live. Life is too short to live it being void of any happiness, any satisfaction, any fulfillment. Shouldn't we all find our own path? Whatever that path is? If the beat we hear is a different one, then I think we owe it to ourselves to follow it to see where it will lead us. If that path is down some rabbit hole, then perhaps we should change our name to Alice and just enjoy the adventure.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY FOURTEEN

Truth #14: We tend to cram people especially those closest to us in the box labeled PERFECT and then when those people disappoint us by being less than perfect, it hurts us deeply. We tend to forget that nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. And unfortunately those closest to us are the people who will hurt us the most in life. But it's entirely up to us how we handle that hurt and disappointment. We have a few options: We can isolate ourselves so we are insulated from hurt and disappointment. Good luck on that one because it's a lonely existence being a hermit! We can forgive and go about our business knowing that to err is human and to forgive is divine or we can fall into the trap of the endless tit for tat game of I'll show you how it feels to be hurt and disappointed. All that does is breed hate and discontent. Revenge is a horrible game to play! The truth is people will hurt and disappoint you sometimes, but if it's a continual pattern and you feel used or cast aside like day old trash until you're needed again then you might want to reevaluate your own self-worth and move yourself into a different box. Face it, if someone continually hurts you and disappoints you, they aren't as perfect as you thought they were and they might be more comfortable residing in the ASSHOLE or BITCH box.  

NEW BREAKTHROUGH OR NEW NIGHTMARE?

One might question why two of the most addictive chemicals on Earth (nicotine and cocaine) would be combined. The Genetic Literacy Project has an article and video shedding a little light on the subject:

A tobacco plant relative called Nicotiana benthamiana has been genetically modified to produce cocaine in its leaves. Cocaine is produced naturally in the leaves of the Erythroxylum coca plant, and scientists set out to recreate this process in N. benthamiana. A team from the Kunming Institute of Botany in China altered N. benthamiana to produce two enzymes that generate cocaine when its leaves are dried. The breakthrough could lead to a way to manufacture cocaine, or produce chemically similar compounds for medicinal purposes. 

 

While cocaine is notorious as an illegal drug, it has also been used in medical practices as a local anaesthetic or to narrow blood vessels to stem bleeding. However, pharmaceutical companies are limited in ways they can produce the drug, as key steps in its biosynthesis have remained a mystery. In their paper, published in the Journal of the American Chemical Society, the scientists finally discovered what was missing. Two enzymes, EnCYP81AN15 and EnMT4, are essential for this conversion reaction to form methylecgonone.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY THIRTEEN

Truth #13: Relationships do not thrive on neglect. I see it all the time...two people get together and they're the perfect fit, the perfect couple. They have everything going for them and then BAM! Everything goes to Hell. It's simple. They got caught up in their own hype and thought their relationship didn't require any work when in reality all relationships require work.  Your relationship with your significant other is a work in progress until the day you die. The day you stop working on your relationship is the day you should go sign the divorce papers or just call it quits altogether. Relationships require comunication and honesty regardless of what a person may think. Yes, there are going to be difficult times and times where just looking at the person is going to make you want to pull your hair out but it isn't the fact that you love the person that gets you through a difficult time, it's the fact the you LIKE that person and that you RESPECT that person. It's the bond you have with that person that gets you through the hard stuff. It's knowing that no matter what, you can talk to that person about anything. If you have someone you can share anything with and I mean the most intimate details of your life without hesitation knowing that person will still accept you for who you are and they won't turn their back on you, then you need to hold that person close to your heart always because that person is a true gift that doesn't happen often.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TWELVE

Truth #12: Many times people who struggle with chronic pain become adept in covering it up. You may never see the magnitude of actual pain the person lives with daily and if you did it would shake you to your core. Chronic pain is exhausting and it touches every aspect of a person's life. Chronic pain sufferers are chronically sleep deprived. Sleep would be a welcome relief, but unless heavily medicated a chronic pain sufferer will also suffer from insomnia. Many chronic pain sufferers have addiction issues and ride that roller coaster in search of relief. Chronic pain will drain a person both mentally and physically changing a person over time which can lead to other health problems. Often times this person becomes irritable and dislikes being around people, commotion and noise. Chronic pain damages a person's concentration and makes doing even simple tasks a challenge at times. Most chronic pain sufferers try to ignore the pain and live a normal life, but doing that is next to impossible. Chronic pain damages a person's self-esteem and self-worth because the person cannot do the things they have done in the past. A chronic pain sufferer sees themselves as damaged goods thus less than everyone else around them. They are forced to accept their limitations and this causes great internal strife. Often times they feel like everyone is disppointed or mad at them for not being 100% anymore because they feel that way about themselves. Chronic pain breeds isolation and severe depression and sometimes chronic pain sufferers take their own lives when the mental and physical pain becomes unbearable. 

I WASN'T EXPECTING A MIRACLE

Like many people who get trapped into the downward spiral that narcotics use brings, I endured years and years of the effects of the feeling that no dose was ever quite enough. That feeling is what makes narcotics use so dangerous and so deadly. That need and want to always use just a little more to get just a little more relief from pain can be a real killer. It can and will suck the life right out of you. I've had many friends succumb to that need. I dabbled with narcotics in my youth, but my serious narcotic use started from prescribed drugs as an adult after having my first spinal surgery. That was at a time before there was a crackdown on prescribing narcotics. Initially, I started out with mild painkillers and worked my way into more heavy duty ones over time as my dependence on them grew as my condition worsened. Eventually, my primary care doctor referred me to a pain management specialist when she felt she could no longer treat me. At that point I was taking 2 time released Oxycontin daily and I was being prescribed 4 Percocet10's daily for any breakthrough pain. Believe it or not, I was not zonked! In fact, most people didn't even know I was taking painkillers. Let's just say I had a pretty high tolerance.

I was never able to get steroid injections in my back and neck because I'm highly sensitive to steroids. The one time I did have a steroid injection in my knee, my blood sugar spiked to over 600 and even with insulin injections (I'm diabetic) it wouldn't go down for over a week. Anyone who has battled high blood sugar knows that all over sick feeling one has with high blood sugar. Twice in my life I've stopped using narcotics cold turkey and twice in my life it was not a fun experience. I don't plan to do it a third time.

Written April 9, 2009

Truth? As far out on the edge as I’ve teetered, something has always kept me from stepping into the abyss. Truth? My pain and I have a very intimate relationship. It’s very complicated and the only lasting relationship I’ve ever had. It’s definitely a love-hate relationship full of angst and exploration leading me into places where I’m able to forget my pain temporarily. During those times, life has been wonderful and filled with adventures, but nonetheless those times were temporary.

Is there anyone out there who has ever gotten to the point of saying “I’m done”? Well, what do you do when you’re done? What do you do when you look back at the life you’ve lived and see that it’s taken you to a place of true complacency and indifference? Wow! That’s a place I never thought I’d be! Anger maybe. Rage was always a possibility. Bitterness was always aching to be number one on the hit parade, but what did I get? Complacency and indifference salted with a dash of disillusionment.

Without all the gory details, I recently made a decision that possibly could be the queen of all my self-destructive acts. I know some might think anyone making the decision to stop an addiction… any addiction is a wise decision. Perhaps it is! What would one say to someone who is addicted to prescribed narcotics and muscle relaxers and who has decided to stop taking those drugs against medical advice? Hmmmmmmm! Go for it? Good luck? You’re a damn fool? There’s no escaping the truth. When you’re done, you’re done.

Truth? Drugs have veiled many of my written words over the past several years. Okay, for some that may come as no big surprise, but for me it does. What surprises me is that after living through the horrors of drug abuse at a younger age, I allowed myself to take the easy way out as an adult and become something I hated. I would like nothing more than to be able to blame the doctors who prescribed the drugs to me, but I can’t do that. I won’t do that! They had a job to do and did it. What transpired was a perfectly legal act, although some might question the ethics or morals involved.

Was I some drug-seeking individual that goes from doctor to doctor hoping to score some decent drugs? Truth? No! My medical problems set me on the path of having the best drugs health insurance could legally buy. Unfortunately, the nature of the beast includes developing a tolerance to prescribed narcotics. What may work initially only becomes a way to take the edge off and feel somewhat normal…. whatever normal is I’ve forgotten.

After careful consideration, I decided to go cold turkey. Is that the politically correct term these days or is it only showing my age? I decided to do this withdrawal in stages thinking that it would be easier on me due to other health issues. Instead of weaning myself off my meds, I abruptly stopped taking my Oxycontin first and now, I’m in the throes of a nasty divorce from Percocet 10’s. The muscle relaxers were flushed sometime in the midst of all this madness. Has my last month been fun? Hell no, but what I do know is that withdrawal can be accomplished. All it takes is determination and insanity will take you the rest of the way.

Written 6/18/18

Plunder Woman

While I've been MIA (missing in action) lately, I've been working towards cleansing my system of all the gnarly narcotics that have held me prisoner [AGAIN] for the past 15 years. Since 2003, I've taken the whole spectrum of painkillers and have to admit nothing works very well these days. Why continue taking something that doesn't give me any relief? Why continue taking something that harms my already compromised liver? Because I've chosen to make what I think is an informed decision, I'm in the process of weaning myself off morphine because cold turkey is a real bitch. Trust me, I've been down that road a time or two and I definitely don't want to visit that rocky path ever again.

Over the last 15 years I've taken every NSAID known to man, plus Tramadol, Lortab, Percocet, Oxycontin, Methadone, Fentanyl and Morphine. You name it and I've taken it. I've used TENS units and even had 2 internal neurostimulators implants that are wired directly into my spine. I've had two separate anterior discectomies with fusions to fuse 4 of my 7 cervical discs. I have to admit not being able to look up or turn my head has been a little challenging at times. And as for the surgeries, they've done little to alleviate my pain. My last neurosurgeon told me that there was nothing else that he could do to help me. He basically told me that I'd have to grin and bear it.

I've also tried exercise, heated pool therapy, regular physical therapy, massages, chiropractic adjustments, heat and ice with no substantial or long term relief from anything I tried. The only things I haven't tried at this point are steroid injections that are injected directly into the site that's causing the pain and acupuncture. As ordered by my endocrinologist, I can't ever do the steroid injections because steroids make my blood sugar skyrocket. And acupuncture?  To be honest, the thought of being a human pin cushion (even though they say no pain is involved) doesn’t exactly excite me, so I think this particular predicament is called being S.O.L. (shit out of luck)

Physically, I've gone from being Wonder Woman to being a lackluster cave-dwelling crone. Mentally, I've learned to suffer in silence. Isolation is a common tool used by many people with serious medical issues and by people who have simply given up and don't want to play the "happy" game any longer. It's easier to be isolated than it is to be around people. That overwhelming urge to put on a happy face has worn me out. It’s difficult to maintain that “everything is just peachy” act for very long and the older I get, the more that desire wanes. That's why I became a hermit. No, that's not entirely true. The combination of severe chronic pain and my lifelong inability to select a significant other who isn't a complete twisted freak-a-zoid asshole are the two major reasons for becoming a troglodyte. The wealthy call it being an eccentric recluse and the poor call it life after the fast lane. I call it how Mildred maintains some semblance of sanity. 

Recently I decided to give medical marijuana a whirl. Both my primary care doctor and my pain management doctor gave me their blessing regarding my decision. Florida legalized marijuana for medicinal use in the 2016, but have always steered clear until now due to all the hoop jumping that's involved.  Once I finally made the decision, I carefully followed all the necessary steps dotting all i's and crossing all t's. Unfortunately, I know what a clusterfuck anything pertaining to the government can be. Anything they handle on a local, state or federal level involves too much red tape that only slows the process of forward movement and expands the room for errors to be made every step of the way.

First, I made an appointment to see Dr. Feelgood. Next, I had my medical records from my pain management doctor and my primary care doctor faxed to Dr. Feelgood. This was done to substantiate a medical diagnosis that is on the list of qualifying diseases and conditions. Previous medical records also help Dr. Feelgood to write a personalized prescription/care plan. Next, I kept my appointment (BTW, Dr. Feelgood really knew her stuff.) Once a person sees the doc and her recommendation is submitted along with your Patient ID number, the mandatory application for a Medical Marijuana card from the state with a $75 required fee (everyone has to get their piece of the pot pie) can be submitted online or by snail mail. About 2 weeks later, I received an email me with my card number. Until I receive my actual card, the email with the card number enables me to make purchases.  They say it takes about 4 to 6 weeks to receive the actual card. That's the speed of light for any government agency! I'll believe 4 to 6 weeks once I have my card in my hand is really 4 to 6 weeks.

There's two dispensaries where I live and both do home deliveries. I'll most likely use that service in the future, but I wanted to check out the dispensary in person for my first purchase. I like to see how things work and if they run smoothly. It gives me an overall picture of whether or not I'm dealing with a bunch of imbeciles. It helps keep my expectations in the realm of reality. I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised by the whole operation at Surterra Wellness right down to the ATM standing all shiny and new inside the dispensary. This feature made a lot of sense since the marijuana business is all cash and carry due to the current Federal laws and banking restrictions.They would have really impressed me if they had a blood plasma center on site so people could sell some blood to buy their weed. That's what I would have called one stop shopping!

The dispensary was a strange trip...nothing like copping a little weed back in the day from the friendly neighborhood pot dealer! Upon checking in for my first one stop shopping experience, I found out that my approved card number didn't show up in the Florida Stoners-R-Us database when the dispensary tried to access it. So I sat there and called the 800 number into the state registry. Ring! Ring! Ring! I first accessed their automated menu hoping I pushed all the right selections to talk to an actual human being. Of course, there were many callers ahead of me, but the automated recording assured me that the first available representative would help me and thanked me for waiting patiently. I wonder who I'd have to register a complaint with regarding the "on hold" music that played in my ear while I waited. I beg your pardon, but elevator music is not acceptable to listen to for more than 5 seconds and what stoner do you know who listens to that crap? Pink Floyd would have been easier on the ears!

Fast forward about 45 minutes later and the state informed me that I indeed had been approved and the number emailed to me was correct. Duh! I knew the number was correct. The state knew the number was correct. I wanted to know why the dispensary couldn't access my correct account number. That issue was never answered. "I don't know" didn't seem like an acceptable answer, but I wasn't going to push the issue because I didn't want my correct account number to permanently float around lost in cyberspace. What I did was accept some things are meant to remain a mystery. So now, I'm back at square one. The dispensary needed to be able to access my account via my top secret correct account number. If the dispensary couldn't access my account with the prescription from my pot doc, then I wouldn't be able to make a purchase. Period! Why would I ever expect anything to ever go smoothly from start to finish and not be riddled with all sorts of Murphy's laws? I don't know how, but somehow magically, my card number appeared in the database after my phone call to Florida's Stoners-R-Us registry. Go figure! It must have been a miracle!

Now fast forward to the present day: Pensacola now has 6 dispensaries in anticipation of Florida legalizing cannabis in the near future. I think they're trying to get it on the ballot in 2020. Hip! Hip! Hooray! Like the title of this blog post indicates, I wasn't expecting a miracle, but smoking marijuana has helped with my pain and it's kept me off narcotics. That's the important thing. You see, unlike with narcotics I'm not going to die from using cannabis.  It is, however an ongoing process of educating myself regarding the various strains and what works best for me. For instance: Sativa strains are for daytime use and Indica strains are for nighttime use. Hybrids are potent blends for anytime use :). I won't bore all you non-users with a bunch of tips from Mildred, but please know Mildred is much better than she has been in a long, long time! And Martha has been like a ray of sunshine and a real blast from my past! Together we're just two radical old stoners looking for the ultimate munchies :)

*Repost from November 4, 2019

Update: (December 8, 2022) I'm still not taking any narcotics. Hooray for me! I still use medical marijuana for depression, anxiety, insomnia and pain. I have a few favorites strains I use specifically for pain. Dutch Treat, Grandaddy Purple, 9lb Hammer and Duct Tape have been excellent in helping alleviate my pain symptoms. Pensacola now has 11 dispensaries. The cannabis business seems to be booming!

SLAMMED

In light of the pen being mightier than the sword post, I was just thinking about how cruel people can be at times especially during those years between ages 5 and 18. I think we've all known a bully or two in our lifetimes or perhaps we, ourselves were that bully. During Junior High School (it still seems weird to call it Middle School now) we had a definitive way of knowing exactly where each of us stood in the grand scheme of things and in the hierarchy of popularity. I was always fortunate enough to be a social chameleon during those years and to fit into whatever group I was around at the time. I have to shamefully admit I participated in bullying in a passive aggressive way by helping pigeon hole people. 

The aptly named SLAM BOOK was without a doubt a way to express all those things we otherwise might never say out loud directly to someone we disliked...or liked. The times were masked by a cloud of peace and love and were perfumed with the aroma of incense and marijuana, so calling someone out after school to roll around in the gravel to settle a dispute was no longer deemed as cool. A version of Mean Girls 1960's style was quickly developed to take its place. 

Today, I hear the internet is used in much the same way. Maybe the before mentioned SLAM BOOK was just a Maine thing or a Bangor, Maine thing, although I doubt it. I believe the concept was far reaching and as I think about today's bullies, I can't believe kids don't indulge in something as creative as a SLAM BOOK or do they? Is that what all the social networking websites are used for by the youth of today? Is it a way of stalking, bullying and being a rotten, unfeeling bitch or bastard to unsuspecting, undeserving, defenseless individuals? 

For those of you who are scratching your heads and wondering what in the world I'm talking about, let me enlighten you. Quite simply, to create a SLAM BOOK all it took was a notebook...preferably a spiral notebook. A sign-in page was kept separate from the notebook and was always kept in the possession of the creator of the SLAM BOOK and no one else. Each person was assigned a number whereas to keep their identity a secret. Anonymity was a crucial factor for a great SLAM BOOK. Once a person had a number then the object was to go through the book writing how you truthfully felt about each person and any topic listed. If the first page of the Slam Book was headed by my name then it looked something like this: 

MILDRED RATCHED

 

Mildred needs to take her meds on a regular basis and stop acting like such a lunatic! The next time she comes at me with her enema bag, I'm going to knock her into next week. 💋💋💋(I love you, Mildred and your parties are superior to all others!) XXXXOOOOO ------------------------------- 

  #1

What a douche! 💩💩💩She stole my boyfriend! 

There's a special place in hell for girls like her! 🔥

                                       15

   One of the funniest chicks I know.😈  

Always up for an adventure.

                                                                                                                           8

👺MegaBITCH👎

        4                                        👍👍

                                                  22                                                          🌞+

                                                                                                                17

* Repost from November 2, 2011                                                                                                                  

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY ELEVEN

Truth #11: Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can scar someone for life. They always say the pen is mightier than the sword and I have to agree because words have the ability to have far-reaching and longer effect than the quick swipe of a sword blade. That sword blade may be swift, deadly and accurate, but a person's words will remain with you always to continue causing pain and suffering long after they have been spoken. They come back to haunt you at unexpected times and in unexpected places and for those reasons I say the pen is mightier than the sword. 

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY TEN

Truth #10: Saying "no" is one of the hardest things a person must learn how to do and it's also one of the most empowering words a person can say at times. Many times throughout a person's life one might get trapped into the mindset of being a people-pleaser and never saying no to anything or anyone. If you become that person, you find yourself struggling by always taking on too many things and overloading yourself. The stress can become unbearable at times. People around you know you're the go to person because you'll get it done no matter what. No matter what the cost and you're the one in the end who will have the nervous breakdown! Do yourself a favor and learn to say no once in awhile.

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!

Nestled away on Pensacola Beach is this strange little house that seems to attract attention from anyone who drives past it...

According to the articles, the Futuro House heritage is traced as far back to 1889.

30 TRUTHS IN 30 DAYS - DAY NINE

Truth #9: A lot of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose. When you stop and think about how malleable a child is and how careless and blind an adult can be at times, the combination often times leads to lifelong emotional scars. A child starts learning from day one and many times we don't think they are paying attention to us and what we are doing and saying, but they are. They'll emulate us and copy our behavior even when they know we are wrong.